Saw my d at a drive thru

[mggt]

Its been 5 months since we have seen our d and gd.  Other day I was going thru a drive thru and look behind me and my d was in her car right behind me , I waved and she started shaking her head no  I then realized my gd was in the car with her for some reason I started shaking uncontrolably , we miss our gd so much she is four years old .  We were in line a long time and I could see her perfectly in my rear view mirror and she started yelling at my  gd I could tell by how she was saying it hands flying around still not sure if our gd saw me.  I pulled over after going thru drive thru hoping she would stop she didint kept going very fast.  Few minutes later I get a nasty text saying dont ever do that again and That I am the one that needs to seek help.  She truly believes all the lies she had taken out a restraining order against my h and I saying we have physically and verbally abused her for years we fought it in court and the day her and bf were suppose to show up they were a no show so the court dismissed it.  The things she has said and done to both my h and I are horrendus and we always forgave her but this is different she is keeping our gc away from us to be vengeful and vendictive I think some things are unforgivable and I think this is it.  What she said in the text leads us to believe she is telling our lilttle gd that nana is sick in the head the poor little thing , we saw her every day up until 5 months ago when my d left with her bf after we had argument .  We thought the love she has for her daughter would outweigh her hatred towards us ,  we know our little gd must be asking for us and not understanding what happened to us .  This is such a dangerous disease it effects everyone the BPDs dont care who they hurt .  they are just looking for revenge , since our gd was born she used her as a pawn against us since day one and it still continues and I dont see it ever ending .  I need to make peace with this soon because I am constantly thinking of them my heart is breaking .  In my opinion this disease just get worse with age never better .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[need a break]

Its been 5 months since we have seen our d and gd.  Other day I was going thru a drive thru and look behind me and my d was in her car right behind me , I waved and she started shaking her head no  I then realized my gd was in the car with her for some reason I started shaking uncontrolably , we miss our gd so much she is four years old .  We were in line a long time and I could see her perfectly in my rear view mirror and she started yelling at my  gd I could tell by how she was saying it hands flying around still not sure if our gd saw me.  I pulled over after going thru drive thru hoping she would stop she didint kept going very fast.  Few minutes later I get a nasty text saying dont ever do that again and That I am the one that needs to seek help.  She truly believes all the lies she had taken out a restraining order against my h and I saying we have physically and verbally abused her for years we fought it in court and the day her and bf were suppose to show up they were a no show so the court dismissed it.  The things she has said and done to both my h and I are horrendus and we always forgave her but this is different she is keeping our gc away from us to be vengeful and vendictive I think some things are unforgivable and I think this is it.  What she said in the text leads us to believe she is telling our lilttle gd that nana is sick in the head the poor little thing , we saw her every day up until 5 months ago when my d left with her bf after we had argument .  We thought the love she has for her daughter would outweigh her hatred towards us ,  we know our little gd must be asking for us and not understanding what happened to us .  This is such a dangerous disease it effects everyone the BPDs dont care who they hurt .  they are just looking for revenge , since our gd was born she used her as a pawn against us since day one and it still continues and I dont see it ever ending .  I need to make peace with this soon because I am constantly thinking of them my heart is breaking .  In my opinion this disease just get worse with age never better .

I had a similar experience with my BPD D at the pharmacy. I started to shake and went into a panic attack. I wasn't sure what to do so I gave her a hug. It was very uncomfortable like hugging a ghost. She ran out the door. I cried for days after that. I cant imagine the pain regarding your grandkids. My D will never have kids and I guess thats for the best.
Not sure how we all make peace with this, I think we all have o.k. days and really bad ones like you just experienced.   

[Huat]

I really do feel your pain, Mggt.  Bin-dar-don-dat... .as the saying goes.   Our d, too, has done horrendous things to us - said terrible things to us.

We are currently coming out of an almost 4-yr period of estrangement.  There have been many, many in the past but none this long. 

We were surrogate parents to our 2 gd's (now in mid-20's) because of all the drama caused by our d.  They were our d's ultimate weapon against us.  I had pipe dreams that all we did for them eventually would be paid back when we aged.  Well... .not holdin' my breath on that one anymore! 

At the start of this episode I wept and wept and wept.  As if I didn't shed enough tears throughout the day, I would wake in the middle of the night and the tears would come.  The second I would wake from a sleep, they were on my mind.  I was a wreck.  My heart was so broken that I even considered suicide.

We live in a small community and there were numerous times I bumped into my d.  A number of times I just opened my arms and hugged her.  It was like hugging a lamp post.  Then she would turn and walk away.  Sometimes a gd was with her... .watching the mother role-model.  GRRRRRRR!

I am happy to say that I worked hard to pull myself out of the pit.  I had to stop dreaming of the family I wanted... .and start facing up to the family I had.  I am not the same person I was 4 years ago and I am confident when I write I will never be that person again.

My advice to you is to let go.  Refocus... .on yourself.  As long as your d sees that she is hitting the mark, the longer this will go on.  For the first couple of years I tried everything to reconnect with my d then finally... .FINALLY!... .reminded myself that "no" means "no."  I was begging and she was saying no... .and snarling when she said it. 

What a wonderful resource you now have with this website!  First of all... .knowing you are not the only one walking this path just has to give you some comfort.  Secondly... .there is a wealth of information on how to deal with different situations.

Although it is painful to be cut off from that little 4-yr-old-cherub, life can be good, Mggt.  If you do your homework, there will be fewer and fewer bad days... .then more and more good days.  It will take time so don't be hard on yourself if the tears show up.  Hang in there, Soul Sister! 

[mggt]

THANK YOU so much, just what I needed to hear right about now.  It is so sad this disease and severe my every waking moment I think of them and my h keeps telling me to stop because there is nothing I can do about it which is true but... .I cant seem to get out of my own way it has been such a loong road with her all the destruction she has left and now it is going to be put onto our gc especially our gd .  Somehow I will get threw this and with the help of my good friends near and far I will be O.K. Sending you positive thoughts prayers and hugs that someday we will all live happily ever after Take Care and thank you from one nana to the other