Fear of conflict not emptiness

[earlgrey]

I am on this board now but it has taken some time.

I couldn't end the r/s. I really struggled, and I thought it was the fear of being alone that was paralysing me.

Having now got here (and slowly detaching) it was the fear of conflict that was my biggest challenge.

Real fear.

Saying something to someone that was going to cause them to get angry at me. I've avoided that all my life.

I want out I want a divorce is not going to get met with sweetness.

But I've done it, yes my stomach was in knots, but I'm moving forwards.



 

[married21years]

well done and have a nice cup of calming earl grey   

 

[DreamerGirl]

earlgrey, I've also always been scared of conflict.   Like you, I would always try to please rather than cause conflict.  Not just with my BPD ex, but with everyone.

Funny really how we only want a peaceful relationship, yet somehow get drawn into the drama and conflict.

I'm not sure of your back ground, but maybe similar to mine, we had to please our parent/s and be the perfect child to receive love and care.  This is such a good time to work on our own wounds and heal ourselves. 

I am up and down like a yo yo at the moment.  I have these silly moments when I actually feel happy, then bang, it can all come crashing down on me.

I am using positive thoughts and I'm also allowing the sadness, the pain, the hurt and at times the anger to be there.   Our feelings matter.  Just because we miss and long for someone, doesn't mean they are right for us.

Keep as strong as you can.