Profiling the partner of a pwBPD (in this case earlgrey)

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Here are some ‘habits’ that are just part of me. They are not very ‘psychological’ but just my human way of doing things.

I drive well, but get very anxious when someone sticks on my tail and flashes me to pull over on the motorway/freeway. Not anxious about the danger but anxious someone is telling me what do and I feel I ought to obey.

Find myself smiling too much on meeting new people/interacting with people. I can feel this ‘goofy’ expression. I even getting it watching TV if a chat show/interview gets a bit aggressive. I will chat, joke with a person at the till, checkout, but if that one liner then comes back at me, in whatever form, I’m in difficulty.

Don’t go red with embarrassment anymore, but as a kid I was always flushing.

Parent teacher meetings (group stuff not individual) it is impossible for me to participate…fear, shyness, embarrassment .

I cry (with some kind emotion) watching Disney/Pixar type films with my D7. Not all the way through, but when something poignant happens, I can get triggered and tears flow. Olympic opening ceremony will get me, as will watching any individual, dancer/soldier/doesn’t matter who, demonstrate real passion about their endeavor.

(This all sounds that maybe I just cannot function out there, but that is not the case at all. I come across as a sociable, well adjusted member of society - I like to think .)

I go in the cutlery draw in the kitchen……nothing is in any kind of order! I can find nothing. I take a can of beans out of the cupboard (still in the kitchen) and boxes of biscuits, and paper napkins all fall out! I HATE THIS CHAOS. Is this my ‘perfectionism’ kicking in, or is it OK to enjoy stuff that is nicely organized?

Or rather I used to hate this chaos, but letting go of what I can’t control, I am just accepting a chaotic world. Don’t like it, prefer order, but I’m not getting upset anymore.

There are probably loads more; but I thought I'd start by sharing this lot.

If you are still here thanks for reading.

[earlgrey]

Here are some ‘habits’ that are just part of me. They are not very ‘psychological’ but just my human way of doing things.

I drive well, but get very anxious when someone sticks on my tail and flashes me to pull over on the motorway/freeway. Not anxious about the danger but anxious someone is telling me what do and I feel I ought to obey.

Find myself smiling too much on meeting new people/interacting with people. I can feel this ‘goofy’ expression. I even getting it watching TV if a chat show/interview gets a bit aggressive. I will chat, joke with a person at the till, checkout, but if that one liner then comes back at me, in whatever form, I’m in difficulty.

Don’t go red with embarrassment anymore, but as a kid I was always flushing.

Parent teacher meetings (group stuff not individual) it is impossible for me to participate…fear, shyness, embarrassment .

I cry (with some kind emotion) watching Disney/Pixar type films with my D7. Not all the way through, but when something poignant happens, I can get triggered and tears flow. Olympic opening ceremony will get me, as will watching any individual, dancer/soldier/doesn’t matter who, demonstrate real passion about their endeavor.

(This all sounds that maybe I just cannot function out there, but that is not the case at all. I come across as a sociable, well adjusted member of society - I like to think .)

I go in the cutlery draw in the kitchen……nothing is in any kind of order! I can find nothing. I take a can of beans out of the cupboard (still in the kitchen) and boxes of biscuits, and paper napkins all fall out! I HATE THIS CHAOS. Is this my ‘perfectionism’ kicking in, or is it OK to enjoy stuff that is nicely organized?

Or rather I used to hate this chaos, but letting go of what I can’t control, I am just accepting a chaotic world. Don’t like it, prefer order, but I’m not getting upset anymore.

There are probably loads more; but I thought I'd start by sharing this lot.

If you are still here thanks for reading.

[heartandwhole]

Hi earlgrey,

You are not alone, friend. I, too, like order (nothing freaky, but order is nice  ) and I can cry at the drop of a hat, especially at soppy films/commercials/stories, but also unfailingly at live (and even recorded!) classical concerts. The music just cracks me open, and it doesn't matter if the music is sad or upbeat. Olympic ceremonies? Check  

Got a bit of the perfectionist bug as well. Working on it... .

Just curious about your list: are these habits that you think predisposed you to being in a relationship with pwBPD? Things you want to change, or just observations?

heartandwhole

[earlgrey]

Hi  hnw,

Yep forgot that one live music... .I get a lump in my throat, and well up - and this was watching a few pals practising rock!

Thinking behind the list... .making things simple to understand. Think I was trying to translate 'the way I am from a 'pschychological' POV into everyday behaviours, and I thought maybe possible to create some kind of template.

My r/s with BPD was a first for me, so I'm not sure if I'm a real magnet, but what I am sure of is that I wanted (unknowingly) to meet one... .my heart went BOOM BOOM BOOM! That doesn't usually happen to me.

So I had a lot of stuff that made me great for a pwBPD, and now I am aware of these things. I'm pretty happy with most of them, and I'm not out to drastically change any of them, but awareness is a new stage.

There was a link on another thread to a TED talk by Brene Brown on vulnerability (which I really liked BTW) and with all her PhDs and decades of research she was able to distill her findings into a couple of gestures and a comment or two that just summed up how humans can be. I though that was excellent.

So I suppose our 'human' face and way of interacting is just a tiny visible part of what we are.