Be careful what you say

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone

The pooh hit the fan today.

Yesterday I asked my son's mother to stick to talking about our son and stop talking about her health issues and personal life and she had a meltdown and retaliation was set for me.

Today I got emails but only read a few words before catching the theme, something about how I have destroyed my son and his mother. Thinking it was sent from her bf.

I'm asking myself how it is I have destroyed my son when he's doing better now than he has all his life. He's in daycare full time, he's learning so much, talking better, better behaved and more relaxed and well adjusted.

So I'm clueless about the email and I refuse to read any more, I did respond with... .My son is not your buisness now or ever, so stay out of our lives. Then said I would delete anything I received from that point on.

I wonder what the point of beating me up with lies and incredibly stupid accusations is bringing those two idiots.

I'm working, taking care of my son, paying all the bills while she does nothing or find a job, I'm sick from the chemo and I lost one of my closet friends 3 days ago.

Is there any point to this behaviour?

I'm proud of myself and I've worked very hard to get to where I am.

Destroyed my exgf? I offered to take her to AA, NA, Alanon, DBT treatment, go to a hospital, 30 day inpatient treatment... .all while I take care of our son and wait forever long it took for her to get well.

Nope.

What more could I do?

Destroy her? She's destroying herself and she would take our son and me down with her if I allowed it.

Noo, this is just insane.

Delusions, lies, manipulation, control, immaturity, she hasn't changed. Well not for the better... .

[gotbushels]

Hi JerryRG. Getting an email accusing you of "destroying" people seems to be somewhat of a nuisance for you to read. I don't expect it would do great things with your day. With emails like that, that don't seem to serve a purpose other than to attack you, you're right, what more can you do? You might consider another option is simply to let it go. 

[GoingBack2OC]

I was talking to my Mom recently about all that's been going on. She's a great Mom, always has been, both my parents. I honestly hit the parent lottery as a kid.

She said she received a text, she thought she had told me (so much happened not surprised she forgot/didnt).

My ex texted her one night:

Your son is destroying me.

Now, this text was sent like a YEAR ago. So I have no way of knowing, unless I looked into my texts, which I have no intention of doing (going back that far even though I have them)- just a waste of time - of knowing what she was talking about.

I mean, destroying her?  She texted my Mom that. Then wouldnt respond to my Mom.

Bizarre. I mean, maybe I broke up with her. I did a few times. Maybe me saying I can't take her insanity anymore was to her "destroying" her existence.

Who knows.

Sorry that happened to you.  I only provide my story as a reference (with the time gap especially)-- and remember... .who knows "what" they are thinking... .ever.

I could be told she loved the scent of me on her pillow one day, and later that night, she'd say she's allergic to everything about me, and angry she had to reorganize and move all her furniture in her apartment so it was different from the last time I was there.

This happened, many times. Sane? I think not.

[JerryRG]

Thanks gotbushels

Yes, my sponsor explained to me a long time ago that just because someone says something about me don't mean it's true, I told him my exgf said I wasn't a man, he said if I met someone on the street and they called me a duck, what would I do? Walk away assuming this person was strange or insane.

Thanks GoingBack2OC

My exgf is, was and still is destroying herself in every way possible with another bad relationship, unrecoverd drug addiction, untreated BPD, soothing with prescription meds or drinking, who knows what else, lying to eveyone, ignoring our son, neglecting her physical health, pretending to be sick to avoid responsibility and trying her best to make me jealous and control me with threats of litigation, protection orders, lawyers, her family hating me, hmm

Sane? I know not!

Have a great day everyone

[gotbushels]

I could be told she loved the scent of me on her pillow one day, and later that night, she'd say she's allergic to everything about me (... .)

Makes me wonder what makes a person behave in these ways.

[GoingBack2OC]

I could be told she loved the scent of me on her pillow one day, and later that night, she'd say she's allergic to everything about me (... .)

Makes me wonder what makes a person behave in these ways.

You and me both. Take for example this chat transcript.

PREFACE:   I dont remember what part of the conversation on the phone set her off, but... .It revolved around a gift I made for her. It was spontaneous... .no reason, just something I made for her, and she dismissed it completely. I then asked - did you see what I sent?  * It was a 3D Model/Character I made (I do film/animation) - We recently watched BIG HERO 6, and I made, totally from scratch, her character, modeled around "Her favorite shirt from the concert we went to, my Big Blue Hoodie she had of mine, and her favorite shorts.  So it's her character "HERO" from the kids in the movie. Anyways... .dismissed again, and it turned into her getting angry. But the phone call ended with her saying this to me:

"I f*cking hate you what do you want from me you a$#hole f$ck off!" - Then she hung up.

I felt sick after hearing this. Being hung up on. So I turned my phone on silent, and laid down to nap for a bit.

During the two hours I was asleep. This is the text ":)ialog" she had with "herself".  I was asleep, and did not once reply. I was not ignoring her. She told me to "f off". I did just that, I laid down for a nap- It shook me to the point I needed to lay down.

I almost sense different personalities emerging here. Schizoid almost.

MONOLOGUE:

- Why aren't you answering?
- You blocked me.
- So what... .now lunch is called off?
- I'm making alternate lunch plans in that case.
- You did block me.
- Why can't you tell me if we're still having lunch?
- The gift you sent me I'd really rather have discussed in person.  * It was a 3D Model/Character I made (I do film/animation) - We recently watched BIG HERO 6, and I made, totally from scratch, her character, modeled around "Her favorite shirt from the concert we went to, my Big Blue Hoodie she had of mine, and her favorite shorts.  So it's her character "HERO" from the kids in the movie.
- I want you to answer something.
- The gift should have been discussed in person.  * I emailed it to her.
- Since you are ignoring me I'm not going to say anything about the 3D Character.
- Ok talk to you never.
- I love the gift.
- I think she's awesome.
- But I won't like it too much because I know I'll never be able to see it up close etc.
- Thanks for sharing me yet another thing you did for me and I will never get a chance to see it again.
- I feel like you keep taking away from me even more than you give when you do that.  
- I feel like I dont even want to know any of it.
- I am allergic to your "gifts".
- We were supposed to have lunch today.
- And you took that away from me.
- You're not coming down are you.
- You're playing games with my heart when I reach out.
- You're seeking drama and pain.
- So cruel and you want to make sure I'm in pain too.
- ARE WE HAVING LUNCH TODAY OR NOT
- YES OR NO
- We were just talking on the phone! What is wrong?  What is going on?
- Yes or No?
- Why are you not going to respond when I asked you what's going on?
- You are playing games!
- Find someone else for this da%mit!
- Have a nice day.
- Seriously please tell me whats wrong?
- OK OK OK
- I only called 11 times.
- You can't appreciate me being nice and caring.
- You are now blocked.
- I am blockng you.
- Besides you dont care.
- Leave me alone.
- You are cruel.
- I don't care about you. Its why I dont answer when you call.
- But I do care. And then I do reach out. And you don't care at all.
- You just want attention!
- Find another victim!
- Where are you?

After all this, I woke up - and found all this. Like an hour of texts.

I called. Got her voice mail.

But what does make a person act that way?

She never mentioned it again.

I never knew what to think.

This was the gift:  Her "BIG HERO 6 Character". I showed a friend (girl) after the break up. She said if a guy made something like that, something that special for her, she think she would I'd cry from being so beautiful.