Hi EG.
Each individual and each relationship forms an equilibrium and a dynamic of its own.
I don't believe it's like the periodic table where one higher up on the continuum takes precedence. There are so many other factors in relationships which may play a role.
Usually the borderline will set the balance of abuse through taking a persecuting role, however the other partner often acts to . maintain that balance. Taking on roles of victim, persecutor and rescuer themselves. Bizarrely we often take up the role of maintaining the balance.  :)o you perhaps recognise having played each of these roles at various times?
From an intellectual point of view I am curious about how my replacement performs or is eaten (
![Smiling (click to insert in post)](https://www.bpdfamily.com/message_board/Smileys/default/smiley-01.gif)
) over time. Perhaps he has the magic ingredient she needs to deal with her stuff and they strike a happier balance. Perhaps he doesn't. That's not my business.