Anger

[JJacks0]

Seems like I've hit the anger stage of the grieving process. Lately I have such a short fuse and when something sets me off I am capable of an embarrassing level of rage.

I never used to be like this, and I don't like it at all - I'm acting very out of character... .more like my exwBPD, than myself.

Does anyone else find themselves with so much residual anger? I'm trying to figure out a healthy way to release it. So far my plan is to try to get some of it out through exercise/music, but these are still just temporary releases.

I also find myself easily triggered by little things that remind me of my ex or things she would say to me. I find myself getting defensive, angry, and overreacting as a result.

I guess I'm just wondering how many other people struggle with this kind of thing post break-up, and how you've dealt with it. I'm such a different person in the aftermath than I was even during the chaos.

[fromheeltoheal]

Hey JJacks-

Anger is a normal response to abuse and disrespect, and a stage of grieving and detaching, so the keys are don't make yourself wrong for feeling it, and don't do anything out of anger that will cause damage or make the situation worse.  And it's a stage, it will pass.

I'm trying to figure out a healthy way to release it. So far my plan is to try to get some of it out through exercise/music, but these are still just temporary releases.

Vigorous exercise is good, you can burn up a lot of anger that way, you'll sleep better, and you'll get in shape too!  Beating the crap out of a pillow works too, in the short term, and when the air in the room is full of feathers you'll know rage has spoken.  And my fave lately is meditation, which is no more than sitting and just being instead of doing, we're human beings not human doings after all, and is a simple as sitting quietly, breathing deeply and slowly, and watching your emotions float through while being off to the side a little; you're not your emotions, you're something much bigger, and just watching them float through without feeling them, and then thanking them for their message, is powerful.  And that has benefits beyond detaching from the ex, it's a useful life skill.

Take care of you!

[Tobiasfunke]

Yes. For a while it was really rough. Not so much at others or rage acting out. More like ruminating and strewing getting really p.o'd thinking about much time and opportunity and time and love I feel I wasted on my ex. That is somewhat better now. Now out of nowhere a surge will kind of creep up an down just like a tidal wave of anger will wash over me. I try to do thought stopping to stop it from bubbling over but I don't feel like I'm thinking it's more like just raw emotion. Some else on here said anger is a train to be like train in the process to get to recover but don't let it be a station you get stuck at. This week Moselle posted about being grateful about we do have to help us detach and heal and focusing about what we've lost or obsessing about how we were wronged. Long story short the anger seems like it's just part of the process. Excersice has done wonders physically but I often drift off and think about my ex. Yoga very hot intense like your gonna pass out is great. When it's over i always have this overwhelming urge to break n/c and tell her no hard feelings but I stop myself because A. I don't want to open the door to get sucked back in and B. It's not true.

[heartandwhole]

Hi JJacks0,

You are not alone. As the others have said, it is very normal and understandable to go through a time of feeling angry. I went through it, too, and acted embarrassingly irritable and snappish with loved ones. It felt very out of character, and I was quite awkward about expressing it, too.

I find vigorous exercise as well as calming and meditative activities are good for releasing the energy of pent-up anger. Just don't forget to feel the emotion. In my experience, the goal is not to get rid of the feeling, it's to feel it and let it get rid of itself. In other words, help anger be a "stop" and not a "station" by feeling it, without judgement. It will surely go. If it comes again, repeat as needed. Each time we make space for all our feelings, we connect with a much wiser, stronger part of ourselves. At least that has been my experience.

Hang in there. This phase passes. 

heartandwhole