Hes done a total 180 with everyone he ever cut out of his life

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

When I filed for divorce almost 2 months ago, my stbxBPDh completely did a 180 with literally everything. In our 20 year marriage, he quit talking to his dad and stepmother, his 2 adult children (by mutual agreement), and had very little contact with most other members of his family. He used to say that the only people he could really trust was myself and our DD. He didn't even do Facebook, like he just didn't want contact with the outside world! Now, there was always a reason (whether it was true or not IDK!) for distancing himself, and I supported those decisions, but I never forced or coerced him to cut people off. Of course I didn't know anything about BPD then... .

The day after I filed, (he'd been out of the house for 6 weeks) he created a FB and friended anyone he even remotely knew, contacted EVERYONE that he ever didn't talk to, told people that he was "rebuilding what had been destroyed" (meaning relationships, destroyed by me), has blamed me for everything, naturally, and is now yucking it up with friends and family that he never even wanted to see before! I mean, if he had wanted to rebuild those relationships all along, I wouldn't have minded... .I always felt very cut off, and missed having a relationship with ANY family. It's like he is playing this part on a stage, like he has to prove that this is the way he always wanted to be, and now that we're divorcing he is out from under my "controlling thumb" that kept him from his family and friends. He used to talk SO AWFUL about these people, act like it was a major PITA to go see his grandma, called his adult D from his first marriage "B***h #2" (her mother was #1), just rake people over the coals to me, and now they're all FB friends and he's kissing up to Granny and his other family.

I dont get it... .how can you be one way for 10-20 years, and then in the space of literally a DAY, do a complete turn around and become a completely different person? I guess I'm confused as to what was true. Did he really dislike these people that much? And if he did, why is he suddenly all OK with everyone, like he never said such awful things about them, which were enough to break or limit contact with them? I'm sure I'll never know. Of course, he hasn't told anyone about the REAL reasons for our breakup, his addictions and hidden spending... .but then why would he? He has a convenient scapegoat that his family and friends never really got to know, and I can be the whipping girl.

But this whole 180 has given me some serious whiplash!

[PennyDreadful]

When I filed for divorce almost 2 months ago, my stbxBPDh completely did a 180 with literally everything. In our 20 year marriage, he quit talking to his dad and stepmother, his 2 adult children (by mutual agreement), and had very little contact with most other members of his family. He used to say that the only people he could really trust was myself and our DD. He didn't even do Facebook, like he just didn't want contact with the outside world! Now, there was always a reason (whether it was true or not IDK!) for distancing himself, and I supported those decisions, but I never forced or coerced him to cut people off. Of course I didn't know anything about BPD then... .

The day after I filed, (he'd been out of the house for 6 weeks) he created a FB and friended anyone he even remotely knew, contacted EVERYONE that he ever didn't talk to, told people that he was "rebuilding what had been destroyed" (meaning relationships, destroyed by me), has blamed me for everything, naturally, and is now yucking it up with friends and family that he never even wanted to see before! I mean, if he had wanted to rebuild those relationships all along, I wouldn't have minded... .I always felt very cut off, and missed having a relationship with ANY family. It's like he is playing this part on a stage, like he has to prove that this is the way he always wanted to be, and now that we're divorcing he is out from under my "controlling thumb" that kept him from his family and friends. He used to talk SO AWFUL about these people, act like it was a major PITA to go see his grandma, called his adult D from his first marriage "B***h #2" (her mother was #1), just rake people over the coals to me, and now they're all FB friends and he's kissing up to Granny and his other family.

I dont get it... .how can you be one way for 10-20 years, and then in the space of literally a DAY, do a complete turn around and become a completely different person? I guess I'm confused as to what was true. Did he really dislike these people that much? And if he did, why is he suddenly all OK with everyone, like he never said such awful things about them, which were enough to break or limit contact with them? I'm sure I'll never know. Of course, he hasn't told anyone about the REAL reasons for our breakup, his addictions and hidden spending... .but then why would he? He has a convenient scapegoat that his family and friends never really got to know, and I can be the whipping girl.

But this whole 180 has given me some serious whiplash!

[Dontknow88]

Omg I can totally relate only major difference is that I wasn't with him as long and wernt married.

Well maybe this will shed some light on your situation. My ex did that 180 cause he didn't have me (the only person he claimed to trust) anymore. He was, no, is lonely and will talk to absulutely anyone even people he claimed to hate to block the sadness. BPD is attachment disorder, if you lose one (someone that is and or was everything) they will make it up and try to get the equvelent feeling but sadly never will. Maybe do things to get under your skin (and often unknowingly). Thinking process is completely different and he may be doing what he can so he won't be alone with his dark thoughts. They will do anything not to be alone!

My ex was a homebody like me & now he is partying like crazy and now together with someone he met while partying. Totally different person. Once he told me he will do anything to not be alone with his head.


Please take care of yourself. You will have to be ok with never knowing the truth. Put you first. I know it's shockingly hard. We are all here for you

[Oncebitten]

my guess is this is all a way to either punish you... .or now that you are out of his life he needs someone else to fill that emotional void.  A complete 180 feels pretty normal with pwBPD, one day they hate you the next they love you.

[PennyDreadful]

I feel like it is both. There are a few people that he has contacted that he KNOWS would cut me to the core. His behavior has been so extreme. I guess I should just not focus on his crap, quit trying to figure out his crazy.

I was only told about his PD recently, so I'm still trying to figure this out. A person I "knew" for 20 years, shared a life, raised a daughter... .he's just gone. Just that quick. I'm looking to make sense of ANYTHING, no matter how small... .but that's probably stupid, right?

[Dontknow88]

I feel like it is both. There are a few people that he has contacted that he KNOWS would cut me to the core. His behavior has been so extreme. I guess I should just not focus on his crap, quit trying to figure out his crazy.

I was only told about his PD recently, so I'm still trying to figure this out. A person I "knew" for 20 years, shared a life, raised a daughter... .he's just gone. Just that quick. I'm looking to make sense of ANYTHING, no matter how small... .but that's probably stupid, right?

It's not stupid at all!, I was giving advice here that I'll give to you. Do a lot of research, you may not make sense of this now reality but you will find out how they think and maybe even see what's going to happen next. Never underestimate them. Shock is something you will see and eventually they will be predictable.