She makes me so cofused.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi

Once again I met a girl in my life very young 20 years old (Me 27) good looking,  very sexy i felt for each other first day we met,  always talking etc. After first date she was waiting naked for me in my bed (real fast) the whole relation was moving fast forward. This was nog healthy after to months she wanted weeding ring from me and she wanted to born me a Child,  she insisted of this. Of course I Did not accepted this,  I was the only one paying the Bills and earning money,  she don't go to school  or work,  she simply said she Will never do it and if I got problem with it she Will find aomeone else. So from this day the r/s was only getting worse,  finaly we split at end of June. She gets imidietly other guy after 2 days but still was in contact with me visiting me having sex etc. She was talking a lot that she loves me and always Will no matter what but she can not go back to r/s with me (crazy) she writes to me how lonely she is in New r/s,  she gold me even she Will leave him if he stays the way hé is. I told her to leave alone I don't want to hear nothing over her life this are her problems not mine. Still she writes from time to time to me asking how am I. When we talk her aims are complety different than she was with me. I am curious why she want to stay in contact with me and why she talks ___ over her New bf to me. I love her it is very hard to make NC,  When I think with my brain there is a lot of crazy things with her,  but When I think with my heart I want her in my life. I am asking for advise or how do you see this situation I am very confused

[Pablo826]

Hi

Once again I met a girl in my life very young 20 years old (Me 27) good looking,  very sexy i felt for each other first day we met,  always talking etc. After first date she was waiting naked for me in my bed (real fast) the whole relation was moving fast forward. This was nog healthy after to months she wanted weeding ring from me and she wanted to born me a Child,  she insisted of this. Of course I Did not accepted this,  I was the only one paying the Bills and earning money,  she don't go to school  or work,  she simply said she Will never do it and if I got problem with it she Will find aomeone else. So from this day the r/s was only getting worse,  finaly we split at end of June. She gets imidietly other guy after 2 days but still was in contact with me visiting me having sex etc. She was talking a lot that she loves me and always Will no matter what but she can not go back to r/s with me (crazy) she writes to me how lonely she is in New r/s,  she gold me even she Will leave him if he stays the way hé is. I told her to leave alone I don't want to hear nothing over her life this are her problems not mine. Still she writes from time to time to me asking how am I. When we talk her aims are complety different than she was with me. I am curious why she want to stay in contact with me and why she talks ___ over her New bf to me. I love her it is very hard to make NC,  When I think with my brain there is a lot of crazy things with her,  but When I think with my heart I want her in my life. I am asking for advise or how do you see this situation I am very confused

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi Pablo-

I am curious why she want to stay in contact with me and why she talks ___ over her New bf to me.

Think attachments with borderlines.  She has an emotional attachment with you and she wants to keep it, borderlines hate to lose an attachment, even though she's with someone else.  And she talks to you about the other guy because she has things she needs to talk about and you'll listen.  The only way that will stop is if you stop it.

I love her it is very hard to make NC,  When I think with my brain there is a lot of crazy things with her,  but When I think with my heart I want her in my life. I am asking for advise or how do you see this situation I am very confused

Yes, it is very confusing and painful; it's common for us to have a conflict between our heads and our hearts because we are emotionally bonded to our partners.  The best thing to do is make a decision with your head, what is best for you, realizing she's going to be who she is, all of it, and you either want that and can tolerate it in your life or you can't.  And if you can't, stop communicating with her so that your head and heart can realign.  It's not complicated but it's not easy either.  So what is right for you Pablo?

[Pablo826]

It's real hard for me when I start NC, I am hearing from her "I will always love you no matter what" it makes my mind so confused they know also which buttons they got to push so I get emotional and break the NC. Now she someone else for me with different goals like 180 degree change. (she wanted Kids with me,  now she doesn't want it in her r/s, she wanted to go to school now not etc. List is long) not the same person Who she was 5 months ago. I feel like I am moving forward and every time when I feel like I am doing a milestone in my healing,  then I get msg from her "hey how are you". I know r/s i hard work between two people. I know she still got feelings (she starts always the conversation) she told me she just cannot be alone even if she is unhappy in current r/s. This is my biggest problem I want her but her behavior affects me sometimes real bad and her words. I stay in contact but I am trying not to be to emotional. She gets Hot and cold,  push/pull behavior. Yes is one way or another but it is not so easy.

[Lil Rocky]

It's real hard for me when I start NC, I am hearing from her "I will always love you no matter what" it makes my mind so confused they know also which buttons they got to push so I get emotional and break the NC. Now she someone else for me with different goals like 180 degree change. (she wanted Kids with me,  now she doesn't want it in her r/s, she wanted to go to school now not etc. List is long) not the same person Who she was 5 months ago. I feel like I am moving forward and every time when I feel like I am doing a milestone in my healing,  then I get msg from her "hey how are you". I know r/s i hard work between two people. I know she still got feelings (she starts always the conversation) she told me she just cannot be alone even if she is unhappy in current r/s. This is my biggest problem I want her but her behavior affects me sometimes real bad and her words. I stay in contact but I am trying not to be to emotional. She gets Hot and cold,  push/pull behavior. Yes is one way or another but it is not so easy.

I can imagine starting NC is difficult. It was difficult for me and I relapsed 3 times before finally sticking to it. You're trying to move on with your life but your ex messages you knowing you'll answer her. To me, she's just using you as a crutch just in case her current r/s fails. Not good at all. My ex female friend did that to me and at the time I didn't want to leave her alone but I knew deep down that it wasn't good for me and I managed to stand up to her and she didn't like it.

Your ex's unhappiness isn't your problem anymore now that she's with someone. It's her problem and she has to deal with it. You need to focus on your own happiness and to be on the road to recovery. She's being indecisive and it's not fair to you or to the one she's with now. Probably best thing to do is block her before she reels you back in again. She has to know what she wants in her life. It's the only way you'll fully heal.