I'm making improvements in detaching but it is difficult because I work with her. Looks like she has found a replacement. What bugs me is that this guy seems to have everything going for him. Seems like a guy who would be able to spot a BPD and stay away. So I'm wondering is he just using her for sex?
I'm also some what jealous and thinking this guy could make a relationship work with her. In the past she has admitted to dating "nice guys" in other words guys who will put up with her crap. This guy doesn't fit the bill.
Could she sustain a relationship while being untreated, or is it just a question of time before he either realizes what he's dealing with?
This question seems to come up frequently; "Can she sustain a r/s with someone else". Every time I have read it (and I likewise have had the same question), I wonder if we are not really asking a question about ourselves.
Let me break it down into two possible scenarios:
Her relationship works with the new guy: Wouldn't that just lead us to conclude that it really was my fault, there was something about me or she did not like xyz about me or . . . (add your own statement)
If her relationship does not work out with the new guy: We probably would conclude; I knew she had a problem, maybe now she can see her problem and will come back to me; I really wasn't as bad as she thought after all.
The question, I believe, is really not a question about her as much as it is about us; why was I discarded and left behind - what did I do so wrong that I deserve this treatment or could not sustain the love I wanted - does someone else have the ability to provide what she needed etc...
In neither scenario, her r/s does or does not work, does it change the facts about who the person is. If she/he has BPD traits, they have them whether with or without you. Note, that means if she returns she will still think/feel/act in the exact same way. Further, the idea that it may work for someone else with your ex but not you, may actually be a positive statement about you, for example you have some healthy boundaries and self-respect.
Some food for thought as you consider what the question means outside the context of being hurt about what transpired - which is a very legitimate context.