I'm completely heart-broken

[Agirlnamedalan]

I broke up with my ex boyfriend 4.5 months who I believe has BPD. He seemed to love me at times, but sometimes doubted that I loved him, which if you knew me is absolutely crazy. He would say he never wanted to give up on us, but he would continue to lie to me. He would go on Craigslist personal ads and exchange raunchy pictures, emails, and his phone number and who knows what else. He swore he never met up with any of these people in person but I doubt it. I even caught him looking at Transexual ads and have caught him texting prostitutes. After 4 years of this type of behavior, I left him and told him to never contact me again. Usually he would beg and win me over, but for the first time he hasn't even tried to apologize. I haven't heard from him since the day I left. I don't know what hurts more - what went down in our relationship or the fact that he's not begging me to take him back. Either way, I know he has issues and that he's not healthy for me but I can't stop hoping he will call and it's driving me crazy. Please help me stay strong and convince myself that I deserve better.

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi Agirlnamedalan-

And welcome to

I'm sorry you're going through that, it is very painful, confusing and conflicted, although unfortunately it's not unique around here, we've all been there and we understand.

It's common to have a conflict between our heads and our hearts coming out of these relationships, partly because we formed an unhealthy bond when we were in it, and that bond is pulling on you now.  There are a few tools, in addition to just talking to us, which you're doing, that can help you grieve the relationship ending, process all the emotions and detach, without getting into a cycle of reconcile, pain, split, reconcile, yadda.  And you deserve what you say you deserve.  Can you tell us a little more of your story, specifically what's going on with you emotionally right now?  You mention you're stuck hoping and what else?

[heartandwhole]

Hi agirlnamedalan,

I'd like to join   fromheeltoheal and welcome you to the forum. I'm sorry to hear of your breakup. Finding out about your partner's inappropriate connections with other people is shocking and painful. In your position, I know I'd be highly upset and feel very betrayed. My breakup with pwBPD happened suddenly and aside from a pleading email right after the breakup, he did not try to win me back either. Looking back now, I am glad he didn't, because it made it easier for me to let go, but it also hurt that he could seemingly move on so easily while I was left emotionally shattered.  

You have come to the right place for support. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but things really do get better. And there are tons of resources on this site that can help, along with members who have been where you are.

Has your ex been diagnosed with BPD? Have either of you had therapy to address issues? After my breakup, I began seeing a therapist and it helped a lot. Do you have supportive friends and family?

Keep writing, it really helps. You can get through this. We're here to listen and walk with you.  

heartandwhole