how did you cope in the early days of your breakup?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi all. I am in a bad place right now and fear that it will get worse. Yesterday my wife told me that she wants a divorce and I really think she means it this time.
I could barely sleep last night. Kept waking up. Kept dreaming that it was all a dream or had dreams that she changed her mind.
My heart is breaking. My body feels like it is electrified but worn out. My soul aches. I am despondent and even a bit scared. Scared of going through this process and yes, scared of being alone, nobody to take care of me if I became ill or needed someone. I have no family except my 11 year old daughter of whom I share custody.
She is still sleeping downstairs on the couch. I woke up several times during the night just to go and sit on the stairs and look at her. I was hoping she would wake up and tell me that she had changed her mind.
Even though divorce may be the best thing for both of us and yes I wanted it before I just can't let her go. I don't want to. I want us to work out. To try again like she said we could.
How do I get through the next days and weeks?
Any insights would be appreciated.

[michel71]

Hi all. I am in a bad place right now and fear that it will get worse. Yesterday my wife told me that she wants a divorce and I really think she means it this time.
I could barely sleep last night. Kept waking up. Kept dreaming that it was all a dream or had dreams that she changed her mind.
My heart is breaking. My body feels like it is electrified but worn out. My soul aches. I am despondent and even a bit scared. Scared of going through this process and yes, scared of being alone, nobody to take care of me if I became ill or needed someone. I have no family except my 11 year old daughter of whom I share custody.
She is still sleeping downstairs on the couch. I woke up several times during the night just to go and sit on the stairs and look at her. I was hoping she would wake up and tell me that she had changed her mind.
Even though divorce may be the best thing for both of us and yes I wanted it before I just can't let her go. I don't want to. I want us to work out. To try again like she said we could.
How do I get through the next days and weeks?
Any insights would be appreciated.

[gotbushels]

My heart is breaking. My body feels like it is electrified but worn out. My soul aches.

This is a good way to describe one of my breakups with my ex. Feeling emotionally burnt out and the body following suit.

Just because you go through this process doesn't mean that you'll be alone and nobody will take care of you forever, though I understand that it can feel that way.

I'm interested to hear what other's suggestions are, but for now I would consider looking after yourself. When someone suggests this to me, I still wonder what that means--an easy way to think of it is to imagine you're your best friend, and you're making suggestions to him. The idea is that you don't sink into negative places to the point where it harms your decision making. Do you keep any hobbies?

Also, these ideas will help you with self-compassion which I think is very important during these early days.

[SES]

The first year was terrible, we lived together whilst the house sold (and she stopped a house sale on one occasion).  It was torture, and something I never want to repeat in life.  She was in a relationship already (an affair).  After finding out about her affair things deteriorated rapidly... .including involving the Police and children's services on more than one occasion.  :)ue to an escalation of her behavior members on this website advised that I record everything... .something that was very helpful to prove what had happened at times when the Police were called by her.  It took me a long time to detach from her, and not get caught in the drama... .it is only 2 years later that I can feel detached and in a better place, no longer ruminating as I did, and no longer reeling from the devastation.  In the early days the things I found most helpful were:

Friends, family, my colleagues (all of whom were truly brilliant), this website (I am grateful for all the great advice and support I have been given by members).  

It was survival for many months, and things got worse before they got better... .but they do get better... .I am still finding my feet, but I have accepted the relationship for what it was.  Although I can't forgive her for what she did (false accusation and a whole heap of hurt), I have reached a point where I don't care about her... .my only concern is limiting the impact she has on our kids and on me... .and that is through limited contact (and recording all handovers).  I feel healthier without her... .and I feel relieved it is over.  I am alone... . but I wouldn't want her back (she did ask more than once)!

It is tough in the beginning, but things will get better.  Be kind to yourself, but remember to protect your daughter and yourself.

[Agent_of_Chaos]

I cried alot. I slept. I cried some more & I found this site. At the time I was just trying to make sense of what had just happened with my BPDx.  I took up therapy & when she told me about BPD... .everything... .made sense. I mean... .everything.  I buried myself in research & reading people's stories that often echoed my own.  Honestly though, I grieved. I grieved long. I grieved hard & I let my heart bleed. I didn't put a time limit on it, I dealt with it. It took me a long... .long time & there are still some "meh" days, but I feel really good about the lessons I've learned & strides I've made.  Good luck♡

[AliB]

It's been 14 days since my BPDh filed for divorce. I cry daily and feel so broken. Day by day is sometimes too much so I go hour by hour. My kids are the only thing that's keeping me going. We are living in the same house and it's been a nightmare. It kills me that I can't talk to, hang out with or snuggle with him at night. I love him dearly, he was my best friend and I'm struggling with the fact that he just doesn't love me anymore. The paperwork for the lawyer is overwhelming and I feel like I won't be able to survive through this whole process. How do people do this? How do people move on? I know it's doable, I know I'll be better in the long run but I just am struggling getting there. It's nice to know there are others on this board who feel or have been through this. It makes me feel like I'm not the saddest person on the planet.