His family think I have left the country.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi everyone,

Need a bit of advice... .
It's been about nine weeks since I left my BPD ex. His family think I have left the country. Hopefully that message has reached him. He turned up at my house where I'm not staying at the mo, over a month ago. He witnessed someone else living there (I'm renting out temporarily) and left swiftly. I heard through the local news that he was arrested by the police for living in the bush and terrorizing people. And for weeks I feel he's gone. Not around. No news, nothing. That is best for me because I don't want to bump into him or hear anything about him. What I don't know will not hurt me. However, in two and a half weeks, I will be moving back to my house. I'm having security mechanisms put in place for my peace of mind like a house alarm and fences etc. I'm just wondering whether he may give up coming after me. My house is quite a distance from his neck of the woods (if he's still around) and it would be a pain for him to keep traveling especially if he thinks I have gone. Can't help thinking he's dead but again if I don't know, it won't cause me pain.

Does anyone have any thoughts? Would a borderline try and hunt me down if he thought I wasn't in the country? A normal person wouldn't even bother. But what do you think? It's killing me to think a year on he might turn up. But surely he wouldn't if he thinks I'm gone. He's not thick!

Any thoughts? Please help! I wish to just continue my life alone at my new home but how can I if I'm checking outside my window every minute? Then if he did turn up he would know I had been fibbing about moving out of the country. I'm confused. Please advise me!

[Brum]

Hi everyone,

Need a bit of advice... .
It's been about nine weeks since I left my BPD ex. His family think I have left the country. Hopefully that message has reached him. He turned up at my house where I'm not staying at the mo, over a month ago. He witnessed someone else living there (I'm renting out temporarily) and left swiftly. I heard through the local news that he was arrested by the police for living in the bush and terrorizing people. And for weeks I feel he's gone. Not around. No news, nothing. That is best for me because I don't want to bump into him or hear anything about him. What I don't know will not hurt me. However, in two and a half weeks, I will be moving back to my house. I'm having security mechanisms put in place for my peace of mind like a house alarm and fences etc. I'm just wondering whether he may give up coming after me. My house is quite a distance from his neck of the woods (if he's still around) and it would be a pain for him to keep traveling especially if he thinks I have gone. Can't help thinking he's dead but again if I don't know, it won't cause me pain.

Does anyone have any thoughts? Would a borderline try and hunt me down if he thought I wasn't in the country? A normal person wouldn't even bother. But what do you think? It's killing me to think a year on he might turn up. But surely he wouldn't if he thinks I'm gone. He's not thick!

Any thoughts? Please help! I wish to just continue my life alone at my new home but how can I if I'm checking outside my window every minute? Then if he did turn up he would know I had been fibbing about moving out of the country. I'm confused. Please advise me!

[Brum]

Touch wood... .He hasn't turned up at my workplace which is much closer to where he was based before. My boss knows the deal. Maybe he has given up. I really hope so.

[Brum]

Any advice would be much appreciated... .

[Milka]

Is it at all possible that he won't hear from other people that you are around? I would imagine he could find out from someone else and then try to reach you.

[Brum]

He doesn't know any of my colleagues or friends, and if he did try and question them they know to say I'm gone. The same applies for my neighbours.

If I did bump into him I would not ignore him. I would calmly tell him that I was tying up loose ends in the country before moving back home permanently. That I did what I could for his pain, but it just caused me hurt.

If he turned up at my house once I have moved back, I will have to make him believe that I'm living with lodgers now so he senses I'm not alone and that he can't harass because other people are present. Whether this would make a difference or not is another story. But hey ho. Got to give it my best shot!

What do you reckon though Milka?

[Fie]

Hello Brum,

I am so sorry, you must feel terribly anxious about this. 

I think the best you can do, is warn the local police about your situation. Do you have a regular policeman/woman assigned to each neighborhood in your country ? Just let them know how things are, and tell them you are afraid. They will keep an eye open for you. You can also tell the people who are living with you.

In case you would see him turn up (it's not guaranteed) there is only one thing you should do : call the police. Immediately. I don't think it's a good idea you'd start to try talking some sense into him. From what you are describing I don't think it would work anyway.

I was stalked long ago by a guy who sometimes turned up at my house. I told our local policeman about it once it was all over. He was genuinly shocked at why I did not warn the police about that when it happened. He was right when he said 'that's why we are there'.

[Milka]

I think Fie is right. It will give you a better sense of security. Hopefully he won't even turn up 

[Brum]

The police are crap here! They know him because of his reputation. They are all aware of the situation. Trust me.

When I left my ex I was constantly asking for help from the police and they said they couldn't do anything because he hadn't done anything to me or my property yet. Pathetic.

And I know that with the medical system back home, someone with this sort of behaviour/sickness would be sectioned as he could be harmful in public. Or harm aimed at himself. Again, the medical system is also ___ here. Expecting someone with BPD to accept help (free will?)! Pfffff what a farce. This country is a farce. I would rather not say where I am living.

I do not live with anyone Fie. I bought a house and he moved in with me. Very soon afterwards, the whole relationship fell apart. Read my previous posts for details or else I will get very repetitive!

Thanks guys.

[Brum]

I feel ashamed but today I hoped he has ended his life so the pain ends. My belief is that he will never gain inner peace because he is so disturbed and traumatized. Does that make me a bad person? To wish this upon him? I haven't had any contact with him or his family for ten weeks almost now. I do feel more free now but his face just pops up in my head every so often and it would be so much easier if he hadn't have been so stunning. Does that make me shallow? Omg. I'm questioning myself so much these days; I'm hard on myself for sticking with him for over a year. Not sure what's wrong with me but I'm finding this detachment phase rather difficult. I know it's normal. I know.

Shouldn't I stop researching about BPD and posting messages on here now? By doing this almost daily aren't I still attaching myself to him and obsessively thinking about him?

Any thoughts on my comments would be much appreciated.