3 Months Out

[rosesarered777]

Here is my story.

Married in February, separated at the end of July from my BPD/Borderline (most likely undiagnosed) wife. She now lists that she is Single when she has NOT filed any papers whatsoever and originally told me 'no kids'. She has re-initiated contact with a former friend/flame sometime in the last 2-4 weeks AFAIK.

Just lost my job today over dubious reasons, so I filed a wrongful termination with the government ASAP. I don't mind losing my job so much because management did not seem to know what they were doing and would criticize endlessly. No paperwork was filed so it seems like a MAJOR wrongful termination.

Mostly, I really miss my BPD wife. It's almost been 3 months to the day that she left after assaulting me. That is really all I want back. I do have another job very, very likely lined up perfectly in the next few days that is 2 minutes away (as opposed to job #1 which was 42 minutes away and the last one being a 20 minute walk away -- that one I lost today).

She seems to be suffering. These are her profile photos, with her name removed and other names removed of course. *Nevermind, it won't let me add the photos... ugh. Her cover page now says "WHY ME?", her profile pic says:

"I guess I'm just tired.
TIRED of being b___ed about behind my back,
TIREd of being laughed at.
TIRED of being made fun of.
TIRED of feeling ugly.
TIREd of being ignored.
TIREd of feeling unloved.
TIRED of no one caring.
TIRED of pretending to be happy.
when all i want to do is cry.' *Posted on the 8th of October.

Her last profile picture said NO MATTER HOW MucH IT HRUTS NOW, ONE DAY YOU WILL LOOK BACK AND SEE IT WAS FOR THE BEST'. So paying for a lease solo is an improvement, losing your husband, having to pay hydro alone and losing your chance to have kids and losing 7 years of a devoted bf/hubby is an improvement?

Forgot to mention that we are separated but I am not sure if she will go through with the separation. In one of our last conversations, she claimed that she won't re-add my name as her husband until i receive therapy -- which doesn't make sense since she attacked and hit me twice and I acted out of self-defense.

Any advice? Moving on is not an option after 7 years.

[C.Stein]

Any advice? Moving on is not an option after 7 years.

You are in a tough place right now.  At the 3 month mark I was a complete and total mess, it was probably right around that time when I hit the lowest point of my life. 

I know how hard is it to find hope and belief in yourself again.  Why is moving on not an option?  What other choice do you have?

[rosesarered777]

(3 mo) My job was really keeping me going, despite management complaining about very trivial mistakes. Today's "clincher" wasn't even a mistake, as the customer asked for her credit card to be used!

I am just grateful if I can get this other job and finally leave the childish attitudes at my last job. Everything was perfect until they promoted a very unstable younger person to be a manager and she would vent all of her angst out on the other staff. That is seriously uncool and unprofessional!

Anyways, I could move on but she has always reached out after 2-3 months. She cannot afford to live alone but involved the police, so I cannot reachout anymore unless she does so first.

I am sure her being "Single" at Thanksgiving was a wake-up call to reality. She had someone great but pushed me away and has had me blocked for a long time. I half expect her to reachout before Christmas but being married is different than dating someone.

[C.Stein]

Anyways, I could move on but she has always reached out after 2-3 months.

Where is your boundary here?  How much abuse are you willing to tolerate?  A tough question no doubt but I think it is one that needs to be asked.

[rosesarered777]

Anyways, I could move on but she has always reached out after 2-3 months.

Where is your boundary here?  How much abuse are you willing to tolerate?  A tough question no doubt but I think it is one that needs to be asked.

She told me she was on meds when I saw her in November-December. If I ever get the chance, I will suggest meds+therapy for the both of us if it gets her calmer.