Moving on

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I had to re register it had been so long since I was here.  Divorced my high functioning BPD H in 2011 after 28 years.   This forum is a great place to talk with people who have had like experiences (sadly).  Listen to the experts on BPD  and read all you can.  Normal friends and family will likely not understand the depth of what you are dealing with because it is not normal.  It is a ride on the crazy train. It is sick and it is bad for your health, physical and mental to be involved with a person with BPD.  Do I have sympathy for them? Yes I do but I do not think that gives them the right to ruin my life.  My experience is that a BPD would rather blame someone else than admit that they had any responsibility for the scorched earth they leave in their path. 

What I can tell you is that NC works.  I have three children with my ex BPDH and NC can be challenging but it is the only thing that works. Otherwise you get sucked into the black hole again.  They will not change so you have to change to escape. 

I can also tell you that there is life after a relationship with BPD and it is sweet and good, often great.  After a while the family and friends will get tired of hearing all the false and abusive things said about you and start to realize that maybe you were not the reason for the family splitting up.  After a while the friends and family who have to deal with the BPD find out how wacky the BPD is, how he burns people and cares about no one but himself and is not the person they thought.  They figure out that for all that time, you were the one holding it together, not the one causing the problems. 

I had a great therapist who told me not to make any major moves until I had a year to calm down.  That was good advice.  Because of the sorrow I felt, I spent the first 9 or ten months working on my issues and trying to understand why I ended up with a BPD and how to avoid it in the future. I would recommend this to everyone. 

Fast forward: 2016, life is great, kids are fine, have an amazing boyfriend. EXBPDH has been through another marriage, another divorce, having lots of problems getting by.   You can get through this and have an amazing life. 

[Savannahcat]

I had to re register it had been so long since I was here.  Divorced my high functioning BPD H in 2011 after 28 years.   This forum is a great place to talk with people who have had like experiences (sadly).  Listen to the experts on BPD  and read all you can.  Normal friends and family will likely not understand the depth of what you are dealing with because it is not normal.  It is a ride on the crazy train. It is sick and it is bad for your health, physical and mental to be involved with a person with BPD.  Do I have sympathy for them? Yes I do but I do not think that gives them the right to ruin my life.  My experience is that a BPD would rather blame someone else than admit that they had any responsibility for the scorched earth they leave in their path. 

What I can tell you is that NC works.  I have three children with my ex BPDH and NC can be challenging but it is the only thing that works. Otherwise you get sucked into the black hole again.  They will not change so you have to change to escape. 

I can also tell you that there is life after a relationship with BPD and it is sweet and good, often great.  After a while the family and friends will get tired of hearing all the false and abusive things said about you and start to realize that maybe you were not the reason for the family splitting up.  After a while the friends and family who have to deal with the BPD find out how wacky the BPD is, how he burns people and cares about no one but himself and is not the person they thought.  They figure out that for all that time, you were the one holding it together, not the one causing the problems. 

I had a great therapist who told me not to make any major moves until I had a year to calm down.  That was good advice.  Because of the sorrow I felt, I spent the first 9 or ten months working on my issues and trying to understand why I ended up with a BPD and how to avoid it in the future. I would recommend this to everyone. 

Fast forward: 2016, life is great, kids are fine, have an amazing boyfriend. EXBPDH has been through another marriage, another divorce, having lots of problems getting by.   You can get through this and have an amazing life. 

[joeramabeme]

Hi SavannahChat

Thanks for the encouraging words and sharing your story with us.  I am about 10 months out now too and can say that it is getting better.

I also appreciate your words about family members and friends that don't get it, they simply don't.  That makes going through the process real hard and also what makes this board so cherished.  Thanks for all this.

Best, JRB

[Herodias]

Thank you for Sharing.  It's always good to hear people are doing well. It does seem to take awhile. I'm glad you told us about your ex. I keep wondering if people know how things go with the next relationship. Wow! You made it 28 years and the next one was what? Less than 5... .maybe that is a little validating, even if it's to show the family and friends... .it's too bad they don't realize it's themselves... .deep down though, I think they do. Keep going- you're doing well it seems... .I'm so glad for you!

[Willis002]

I literally think I closed the chapter on my relationship with my ex. Your words are a great source of motivation! She punched me in the nose too many time for me to give her a chance. I sure hope she never comes back and bothers me. She was right, I am too good for her. Taking no responsibility for her actions and blaming for everything. I'm not perfect, but I believe no one could of treated my ex any better. I did everything a good boyfriend should. I mean everything from opening the car door, taking care of her, etc. We all deserve better.