Trouble Letting Go of my BPD partner

[Depression = 72% of members]

I posted on a different thread but it's been two months since we broke up, 5 days since we spoke. I just don't understand how she could basically hate me, after she was sure I was the one and wanted me to move to the east coast with her. I loved her so much, through her difficulties. I thought that was what made our relationship special was that there were no secrets.

One of the last things she told me was "you know me too well and I don't like it."

I'm going no contact, I'm working on myself, but ultimately I can't imagine not having her in my life in some capacity. I feel like I am the borderline one now; it's like that smiths song "I know it's over and it never really began but in my heart it was so real."

Anyone love their borderline ex still?

[AlltimeLoFi]

I posted on a different thread but it's been two months since we broke up, 5 days since we spoke. I just don't understand how she could basically hate me, after she was sure I was the one and wanted me to move to the east coast with her. I loved her so much, through her difficulties. I thought that was what made our relationship special was that there were no secrets.

One of the last things she told me was "you know me too well and I don't like it."

I'm going no contact, I'm working on myself, but ultimately I can't imagine not having her in my life in some capacity. I feel like I am the borderline one now; it's like that smiths song "I know it's over and it never really began but in my heart it was so real."

Anyone love their borderline ex still?

[Willis002]

I loved mine until Sunday night. She said the most hurtful and untrue things about me and why we broke up. Everything she say is a lie right now. I got her friend to talk to her and she told him she will contact me "when the dust settles". She's going to take her time because she, "doesn't want to give me any hope so I'll stop talking to her". When they've turned you black it's ugly. We all have no clue if they will make contact or want to come back. You just have to take care of yourself and try to move on. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. I'm starting to learn that the words they say when things are good will be erased as soon as they split you. You are now a made up story in their mind. They might never remember who you truly are. It's sad

[AlltimeLoFi]

Thank you Willis,

So sorry. I know, I'm trying to become the best version of myself that I can do that if she comes back I'm healthy. I'm so sorry you're in as much pain as I am, you're not alone. Thank you...

[jasmine-1234]

Yes I feel the same way.  I go between mad and sad. Yesterday for some reason I remembered when he showed me the movie, "The Notebook". Kind of old now, but basically it's a love story and the couple grows old together, the woman develops alzeimer's.  In the end (sorry spoiler) she barely would remember her husband except a few clear moments. They decided they would die together and they did. How much he cried at that movie and really wanted that. He said he would do anything for me and be by my side when I died.  

I know it really can't happen, I couldn't handle the BPD tantrums etc. But when I think about that I get sad.  It's such a beautiful thought... .but unforunately unreal.  I thought to myself, I'm not just mourning the loss of relationships, I'm mourning the loss of my dreams

[AlltimeLoFi]

I just wrote a poem about that to her but didn't sent it! I said why wait till we're 80 to die together when we can be young and live together. The loss of a dream for sure. I'm sorry you're going through this too, I feel better that I'm not alone...