Do they Ever stop

[Depression = 72% of members]

My ex discarded me last Sept 4, 2015. In New Year's Eve is when I started getting Fake FB messages. In January the blocked calls started on both my cel and house phone. Mind you I have never had any of these before my ex. I had said in a previous  thread that I have not gotten any more of this stuff since the end of August. ... .well that's what I thought. Last week in the day my ex a year ago was to come down and spend some time with me the blocked calls started again. Pick up the phone and they just listen to my voice. Say hello a few times then they hang up. A few days after this another call blocked . I answer they again just listen to my voice. Say hello a few times , then finally say my exs name if this... .click. As soon as I said my exs name they hung up. This last call was last Friday. I have not gotten anymore calls since then. I know it's my ex. Triggered from the day she was to come down and see me. Also triggered from the fact that I am a Halloween nut and she knows this. October is one of my Favorite months. It's been 13 months . My question is do they ever just leave us alone? Has anyone gone this long with this type of stalking behavior after all this time? I would seem to think she has plenty of victims to choose from and leave me alone. But I was told that since my ex cared for me before she became so mentally sick is why she might be still in the shadows . Has this happened to anyone else?

[Confused108]

My ex discarded me last Sept 4, 2015. In New Year's Eve is when I started getting Fake FB messages. In January the blocked calls started on both my cel and house phone. Mind you I have never had any of these before my ex. I had said in a previous  thread that I have not gotten any more of this stuff since the end of August. ... .well that's what I thought. Last week in the day my ex a year ago was to come down and spend some time with me the blocked calls started again. Pick up the phone and they just listen to my voice. Say hello a few times then they hang up. A few days after this another call blocked . I answer they again just listen to my voice. Say hello a few times , then finally say my exs name if this... .click. As soon as I said my exs name they hung up. This last call was last Friday. I have not gotten anymore calls since then. I know it's my ex. Triggered from the day she was to come down and see me. Also triggered from the fact that I am a Halloween nut and she knows this. October is one of my Favorite months. It's been 13 months . My question is do they ever just leave us alone? Has anyone gone this long with this type of stalking behavior after all this time? I would seem to think she has plenty of victims to choose from and leave me alone. But I was told that since my ex cared for me before she became so mentally sick is why she might be still in the shadows . Has this happened to anyone else?

[SoMadSoSad]

You say you knew your ex before she had BPD but doesn't BPD develop at age like 2 or 3 which is why it is part of their personality and why they seem to act like 3 year olds emotionally? Also I'm sure there is a way to put a block on blocked numbers for both your house and cell phone if you wish it to stop.

[fromheeltoheal]

My question is do they ever just leave us alone? Has anyone gone this long with this type of stalking behavior after all this time?

I've known my ex for almost 30 years, and she still tries to contact me, randomly.  But everyone's different Confused, don't conclude anything from that.  Borderlines hate to lose an attachment, it's the worst thing that can happen, abandonment, although they can't articulate it like that, it's just a feeling.

But really, what can you control?  You can control the technology to block messages or whatever, but more importantly you can control what you make it mean.  Contact attempts are a great way, an opportunity, to check in and see how your detachment is going.  If you're centered and grounded and a contact attempt triggers you, see how long it takes to get back to centered and grounded, make it a game if you want.  And as you focus on that you'll get better at it, and that skill will have benefits in other areas of your life too.  Something to think about?

I would seem to think she has plenty of victims to choose from and leave me alone.

Do you consider yourself a victim Confused?

But I was told that since my ex cared for me before she became so mentally sick is why she might be still in the shadows.

Cared for you yes, but more importantly emotionally attached to you.  You "completed" her, made her feel whole, which she can't do on her own because she doesn't have a fully formed self of her own and losing an attachment hurts.  I don't know your whole story Confused, but the details don't matter really, an attachment is an attachment, and the solution is for her to develop another attachment, which you can't control, so best to focus on what you can yes?

[Confused108]

You say you knew your ex before she had BPD but doesn't BPD develop at age like 2 or 3 which is why it is part of their personality and why they seem to act like 3 year olds emotionally? Also I'm sure there is a way to put a block on blocked numbers for both your house and cell phone if you wish it to stop.

I was told by a BPD professional no that is not the case. And I don't let anyone control me to the point that I change my numbers.

[Confused108]

My question is do they ever just leave us alone? Has anyone gone this long with this type of stalking behavior after all this time?

I've known my ex for almost 30 years, and she still tries to contact me, randomly.  But everyone's different Confused, don't conclude anything from that.  Borderlines hate to lose an attachment, it's the worst thing that can happen, abandonment, although they can't articulate it like that, it's just a feeling.

But really, what can you control?  You can control the technology to block messages or whatever, but more importantly you can control what you make it mean.  Contact attempts are a great way, an opportunity, to check in and see how your detachment is going.  If you're centered and grounded and a contact attempt triggers you, see how long it takes to get back to centered and grounded, make it a game if you want.  And as you focus on that you'll get better at it, and that skill will have benefits in other areas of your life too.  Something to think about?

I would seem to think she has plenty of victims to choose from and leave me alone.

Do you consider yourself a victim Confused?

But I was told that since my ex cared for me before she became so mentally sick is why she might be still in the shadows.

Cared for you yes, but more importantly emotionally attached to you.  You "completed" her, made her feel whole, which she can't do on her own because she doesn't have a fully formed self of her own and losing an attachment hurts.  I don't know your whole story Confused, but the details don't matter really, an attachment is an attachment, and the solution is for her to develop another attachment, which you can't control, so best to focus on what you can yes?

I do t consider myself a victim at all. Just an idiot that was suckered into her crap.  And yes your correct about the complete part. It's strange bc she would say you complete me. Being with you feels like home. I have put on my phone that people now have to show their numbers to call my house but with her living in Canada thank God there are other ways around blocking numbers. Also my cel is conected to my business and for me to change my number is a huge hassle so that's out. After a while I feel she will tire and move on.

[Rayban]

Confused108,

Any response negative or positive even continously answering blocked calls and saying her name is a sign for her that there is still an attachment there. In some cases that's enough to comfort her that she hasn't been abandoned.

For many BPD's seeing an ex doing well with their lives without them is a major blow and triggers major abandonment feelings.  In my case I don't necessarily think she wants to be with me, however she needs the feeling that I would still be there.

[Confused108]

100%agreed Rayban!  God forbid they don't have their ex lovers trying to knock down their doors. I'm done with my ex. If I would have known exactly what she was I would never have let her back into my life. Friend or not.

[DazedandConfus3d]

You don't make friends with salad and you CAN'T be friends with a BPD ex lover.  :\

[Confused108]

You don't make friends with salad and you CAN'T be friends with a BPD ex lover.  :\

Yea I don't eat Salad.  And if I wanted to remain friends with her the way she wanted me to I would have.

[lipstick]

Hi Confused108,
Do they ever stop? Well, I don't really know. I can say that for my ex - it's been over four years now since the discard and he still does weird stuff.

When I would find evidence of him checking up on me, I used to get really excited and think "Oh, gosh. This must mean he's going to actually communicate with me! Or unblock me on Facebook!".  And of course none of that happened.

Now? I still get the weird phone calls. No message, of course. I don't answer and it doesn't bother me. It's his behavior to own. Don't let their behavior get to you. I finally accepted it as my closure (sort of). If he keeps needing to call my phone / check my social media - it means I haven't been erased from his memory. And since he's too ashamed (or whatever) to actually communicate with me - to me that means he knows what he did and how much it hurt me.

None of it generates any emotion in me these days other than mild annoyance. And I'm so glad! 

[Confused108]

Thanks Lipstick. Crazy isn't it. I know my ex will never have the balls to try and contact me again. As herself anyway. I ripped the mask  right off her face and with me she is fully exposed. Shame , etc. but you know I don't think these ppl have any shame even tho they say they do. Well I won't be answering anymore phone calls that are blocked. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction. Next week I'm off to Disney so life goes on!

[Dutched]

Well, no,  I think.
Although exw is a peoplecutter (my name for it, as exw dumped her parents/family/social circle at age 18 and refused a 10 yrs .contact) it seems the sort of ‘attachment’ exw ‘feels’ after 30+ yrs. (for me…) is still popping up

After several yrs. of hiding and avoiding (not even parental talks regarding son!), suddenly I received an email.
Seemingly ‘felt’ the necessity to inform me that she had met a guy… (a mr Onslow type)
Which healthy person would do that as there is no contact and no minor involved anymore?

Well after a 3 decades it is not that surprising that I am still in contact with some of exws intimae (incl. close family).
Exw doesn’t know that (I had my reservations about those contacts, but were get along and couldn’t catch them on little lies yet). Anyway, that’s just to make it more understandable.

Back then, I immediately blocked exw and many related to her on FB. Page is max. protected.
Under ‘search for friends’ or ‘suggested friends’ my page seems to be visited by her colleagues, by some of her new social circle (exw dumped again all the old) and her new family and friends of mr Onslow.   
It says enough.

My Linkedin is basic, special for that peeking. Further I live low profile and in a different social circle, so news about me is hard to get. More than once however her Mr Onslow visited my profile.
So I helped in spreading some gossip about myself, just to test.
Visits of her Mr Onlsow on my Linkedin page increased up to more than a weekly. Now it is back to ‘normal’.

I laugh with that childish behaviour, that’s who they are and even use their ‘best ever happened to me’
Stage 2 (how a borderline r/s evolves) seems to be in full progress already.

Confused,
Although events may trigger, remember their childishness.
Than day by day it gets easier to laugh.
Up to a moment that you just laugh and laugh as you see a child

Some quotes:
‘Actions prove who someone is, words just prove who they want to be’
You’ve been there too, weren’t you?
So in time you will think: 
‘Don’t push me away and then wonder where I went’