Hi. I just found this place

[Janneke]

I recently learned that the condition affecting my sibling is BPD. This puts a name and words to many things I have noticed as frustrating over the past several months. I am a grad student and am home in the summers, and now for Christmas. Hence in the past four days I have been thrust back into living with someone who often treats me badly.

This seems like a good community.

My sibling believes himself to be transgendered (born male, lately presenting mostly as female). S/he was raped a few years ago. I thought all the issues (what apparently is BPD) would resolve when s/he recovered from the rape.

I guess not.

I was really, really sad when I read that BPD is uncurable. I am angry that I am going to have to live with this for the rest of my life.

I am glad to have a NAME for my sibling's disorder because it validates a lot of what I am feeling as normal (I am not overreacting and making things up!) and because it is easier to figure out how to deal with something when it has a name.

Living with my sibling is so terrible sometimes that I have thought [about my parents] "you had to have three children?" I am the oldest, the affected sibling is the youngest. That's a horrible thing to think but it is how I have felt some days.

I recovered from anorexia nervosa in high school. I have some empathy that it's hard to be the one WITH the disorder, too, and I'm truly sorry for my sibling's suffering. I am grateful for the amount of therapy I received in high school, because I am pretty good at coping and have been doing a pretty good job handling all of this.

Thank you all for being here.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Janneke! 

Welcome to our online family. What a relief you must feel to have finally discovered and found validation for all of those troublesome feelings that you've had towards your sibling. Now you know the 'why.' 

Once you discover the 'why,' then you also begin to gain understanding into this disorder.

I was really, really sad when I read that BPD is uncurable. I am angry that I am going to have to live with this for the rest of my life.

There are T programs available that can help with BPD, but the pwBPD has to be willing to actually seek help. Many BPDs are not willing to do so because they don't think there is any problem. Do you think your sibling will ever consider T? Nonetheless, even if your sibling struggles with it the rest of his life, there are steps you can take to help you set healthy but understanding boundaries with him. The greatest challenge is in learning how to live with someone who has BPD and keep yourself healthy. I'll post some links that might be of help to you.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict
https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle

Are you home for a long break and struggling to deal with the drama right now? How old is your sibling? I'm so sorry to hear about the trauma he has gone through-was there any T to help?

 
Wools

[Janneke]

Hi Wools! Thank you for replying. I felt a lot better when I woke up this morning. Writing last night helped.

I am 29; my sibling is 20 and is living at home. S/he has been in therapy for several years now. I don't know if s/he knows she has BPD... .the therapist mentioned it to my parents but I don't know if they've made the official diagnosis.

Many of the things I don't think my sibling sees as a problem - e.g., s/he doesn't see it as a problem that s/he always acts the victim (this is more an issue from my family's perspective).

I was able to be kinder to my sibling today because having the BPD label helped me think "Isaac is sick, and this is the illness." Thinking of it as an illness affecting the caring, loving person I grew up with made it better because it sort of helped me separate it, rather than feeling that Isaac turned into a monster.

I hope someday my sibling is able to get out of therapy what I did, and be HAPPY... .somehow I feel that if therapy could work out my issues (which it did!) then it could make progress with my sibling. If she would WANT to make the changes (which was the key for me). I grew up with a sibling that is literally a genius; is very witty... .the one thing I used to love most about my sibling was that s/he and I share a sense of humor (s/he seems to have lost most of it). I want the sibling I grew up with back.