broke up with a borderline not sure it was the right thing

[skidoo28]

today i finally ended it with me borderline girlfriend of a year having a hard time deciding it was the right decision feeling very guilty we have been living together up until 3 weeks ago when we decided to take a break from each other and start going to the same counselor at separate times to try and figure things out at first it seemed to be getting better but then the last week things started falling apart     

[valet]

Hey skidoo, I'm sorry that you had to break things off. That sounds tough.

You want to talk more about how you're feeling guilty?

[skidoo28]

Im feeling guilty because her borderline stems from ptsd from her child hold im finding this out from the therapist i told her if she went to therpay i would stay in the picture and try help her throw this difficult time but no matter what i tryed to do it just got worse and worse to the point i just couldn't do it any more now i feel like  gave up on her.     

[skidoo28]

would encourage any input from other has anybody else been through this?

[woundedPhoenix]

In a way we all have been through this.

And the sad truth is:

- Knowing where it originates from and how it creates havoc in their lifes today, makes us feel very compassionate, we see how wounded that person we love really is.
- The wounds that this person has are inner child based, the defense mechanisms a BPD has to protect these wounds can be very destructive though.

So trying to support them through it or help them fix it... .may not always be an option. the more you try and help, the more they get triggered.

I felt guilty because the more i tried to understand and support her, the worse it got and the more she pushed me away.

In retrospect, she didn't want to be fixed or helped, cause she felt how broken she was every time i tried.

[Woods77]

My ex was also in therapy but we cant help them, we cant help people with BPD really, only professionals can. You havent given up on her because you arent a doctor or therapist. A relationship is meant to be 50/50 not you helping her through all her troubles, it doesnt matter what happened to her in the past, you didnt cause it.

My ex had terrible things happen in her past and I feel like I abandoned her for a bit, but I know I didnt because its like she held my hand over a fire and then would scream if you try to pull it out. Logically youve done more than enough, you have tried everything and then some more.

Its just an impossible situation to try and help someone when BPD is an illness that comes from being in a relationship, so theres not a lot we can do about it to help. We can only validate and listen but it just doesnt work because its so volatile and illogical.

Ive become quite ill myself after ended my 2 year relationship after she cheated, after all the help id given her. Ive lost my job, all my savings and now Im in a flat going back to live with my parents when im nearly 40.

Think about yourself and you have to look after yourself now. Be kind to yourself and remember you can only help yourself, you cant change how people are and what they think.