26 year old older sister has BPD - undiagnosed

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Hi, I am new here. I have a sister, who I diagnosed with BPD. I would call her high functioning BPD because she can hold a successful job/ work hard with little interference to her work (although she does become very emotional from her work... .crying in bathrooms, getting angry at her boss, etc).

I believe my sister has had BPD since she was born. When we were kids she was absolutely terrible to me. I was a really sweet kid, while she was violent and always very controlling. Once she went off to college the violence/ physical attacks seemed to get slightly better. I will be the first to admit that she is slowly maturing, but she still has terrible mood swings and turns small disagreements into major life problems.

For example, tonight she was talking to me about how her boyfriend and her might get engaged over the next year and how she wanted to go look at rings. I simply explained her that while it will be fun to look at at big 3 carat rings, she cannot expect that from her boyfriend. It is expensive and is not truly what matters in a relationship. She completely flipped out at me telling me that I had no right to make assumptions about her boyfriends finances. How i am extremely jealous of her and can never be happy for her and that I will die alone and never see her future children... .I then went on to tell her that I would not fight with her on this issue. From that point I stopped answering. She continued texting me nasty nasty things, called my landline and left me a nasty voicemail about how terrible I am, then sent me snapchats that were also about how terrible I am. She also texted my mother about how terrible and purely jealous I am of her... .all over one comment that she shouldn't expect her boyfriend to pay $50k on a ring.

Believe it or not... .this situation is not out of the norm and I might even call this disagreement a mild one. My sister cannot let anyone have a different opinion than her own. She thinks that she is the best thing that ever happened in this world and that everyone else is crazy and has problems.

I am looking for someone on here who is going through a similar situation and who understands/ could be a support system for me. My mom totally agrees that my sister is a BPD, but it hurts her to talk about it. Please feel free to reach out if you are looking for the same type of support.

[bpdsister29]

Hi, I am new here. I have a sister, who I diagnosed with BPD. I would call her high functioning BPD because she can hold a successful job/ work hard with little interference to her work (although she does become very emotional from her work... .crying in bathrooms, getting angry at her boss, etc).

I believe my sister has had BPD since she was born. When we were kids she was absolutely terrible to me. I was a really sweet kid, while she was violent and always very controlling. Once she went off to college the violence/ physical attacks seemed to get slightly better. I will be the first to admit that she is slowly maturing, but she still has terrible mood swings and turns small disagreements into major life problems.

For example, tonight she was talking to me about how her boyfriend and her might get engaged over the next year and how she wanted to go look at rings. I simply explained her that while it will be fun to look at at big 3 carat rings, she cannot expect that from her boyfriend. It is expensive and is not truly what matters in a relationship. She completely flipped out at me telling me that I had no right to make assumptions about her boyfriends finances. How i am extremely jealous of her and can never be happy for her and that I will die alone and never see her future children... .I then went on to tell her that I would not fight with her on this issue. From that point I stopped answering. She continued texting me nasty nasty things, called my landline and left me a nasty voicemail about how terrible I am, then sent me snapchats that were also about how terrible I am. She also texted my mother about how terrible and purely jealous I am of her... .all over one comment that she shouldn't expect her boyfriend to pay $50k on a ring.

Believe it or not... .this situation is not out of the norm and I might even call this disagreement a mild one. My sister cannot let anyone have a different opinion than her own. She thinks that she is the best thing that ever happened in this world and that everyone else is crazy and has problems.

I am looking for someone on here who is going through a similar situation and who understands/ could be a support system for me. My mom totally agrees that my sister is a BPD, but it hurts her to talk about it. Please feel free to reach out if you are looking for the same type of support.

[Turkish]

As ridiculous as I agree with you regarding her expectations, that is both for her and him to own. 

BPD traits aside (I'll take this as a given,  and her earlier abuse of you isn't right)  it sounds like both of you have different values and world views.  It's tough choosing between perhaps being enabling, "oh yes, a $50k engagement ring sounds wonderful!" And telling her the truth... .from your vantage point. 

I get that this drives you nuts,  but she's stuck on how she views things should be,  no?