wondering wether my sister is BPD or at least has BPD traits

[Depression = 72% of members]

It just recently dawned on me that my sister might suffer from some BPD traits. I have studied and learned about BPD in connection to my husbands Ex wife. I am part of the step-parenting group on this board.

Lately however I have been contemplating wether my sister might also have some BPD traits. I don't want to see things only as BPD. But my sisters relationhip with my siblings, my parents and her in laws has always been tumultous. Lots of accusations of: no one loves me, no one understands me, I was raised with the constant message of I am unlovable, everyone is out to get me and I am the victim in the family.

Over the years she has unfriended each one of us at least once or twice per year from her facebook list, has deleted us from skype or left our family whatsapp group. Discussions never end. The only end is if we agree with her. If that does not happen and I get tired of discussng things with her because they are circular conversations, she will tell me that I don't care enough for her or that I tend to just not care about important issues.

She likes to find projects that she totally immerses herself in and will lose track of taking care of her 4 children or will get impatient with them when they voice needs. Those projects are usually around humanitarian aid but tend to be very very intense. Usually her friend list will then also evolve around that topic or project and will change when she moves on. Usually we will also hear about these projects in the family and if we don't jump on board then "we just don't care about the minority or group".

With the recent elections in the US her argument was: if we don't feel like her about the elections then no one in our family has empathy for our gay brother. Except for her.

She does however not have any of the other typical BPD traits (self harm, impulse control issues). But she definitely has a problem with emotinal dysregulation and seing the world only through her perception.

[soundofmusicgirl]

It just recently dawned on me that my sister might suffer from some BPD traits. I have studied and learned about BPD in connection to my husbands Ex wife. I am part of the step-parenting group on this board.

Lately however I have been contemplating wether my sister might also have some BPD traits. I don't want to see things only as BPD. But my sisters relationhip with my siblings, my parents and her in laws has always been tumultous. Lots of accusations of: no one loves me, no one understands me, I was raised with the constant message of I am unlovable, everyone is out to get me and I am the victim in the family.

Over the years she has unfriended each one of us at least once or twice per year from her facebook list, has deleted us from skype or left our family whatsapp group. Discussions never end. The only end is if we agree with her. If that does not happen and I get tired of discussng things with her because they are circular conversations, she will tell me that I don't care enough for her or that I tend to just not care about important issues.

She likes to find projects that she totally immerses herself in and will lose track of taking care of her 4 children or will get impatient with them when they voice needs. Those projects are usually around humanitarian aid but tend to be very very intense. Usually her friend list will then also evolve around that topic or project and will change when she moves on. Usually we will also hear about these projects in the family and if we don't jump on board then "we just don't care about the minority or group".

With the recent elections in the US her argument was: if we don't feel like her about the elections then no one in our family has empathy for our gay brother. Except for her.

She does however not have any of the other typical BPD traits (self harm, impulse control issues). But she definitely has a problem with emotinal dysregulation and seing the world only through her perception.

[HappyChappy]

Hi Soundofmusicgirl,

Based on what you've posted so far, it’s worth exploring, but its not clear. A big pointers is to see if there's a lack of empathy. Now some with PD can fake empathy (such as accusing you of not having it), but if you know them well enough, you might see through that. Also BPD typically require a gene, so is there a family history of PD ? But in truth we need to collect many symptoms to build the case, here’s a more detailed approach:

Diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder

Hope that helps, feel free to post more behaviour you want explaining.

[soundofmusicgirl]

HappyChappy, thank you for the pointers. There really is no history in our family for PDs. There is a history of alcohol abuse in my parents extended family.

I can definitely say that my sister is not capable of empathy (or at least it is very hard for her). Which is in contradiction to all the humanitarian aid projects she seeks out. But there have been multiple occasions where someone in the (extended) family has suffered some kind of illness or hard times and all she could say to that was that they should buckle up and that she had it worse.

[HappyChappy]

Hi Soundofmusicgirl,

Clearly something is up, if you need to diagnose someone’s behaviour.

Someone with BPD will work hard to present a respectable front, so being religious or caring about animals etc... .suit that purpose. A good test is to see how deeply they follow this. So my BPD portrayed a devotion to religion. But by the age of 12,  I already knew the Bible better than she did. She would never go to church outside her own town, because she wanted to be seen at church.   So you might want to test how deep is your sister’s knowledge on the humanitarian projects she supports.  

ADHD also has a lack of empathy.  So you need to identify many traits, so on the link I sent did you pick up any others traits ?  Another very BPD thing is that of projecting blame away. Has your sister ever given a hart felt apology for her behaviour and then changed that behaviour long term ?