Help

[Ananass]

I am dealing with an ex whom I co-parent with. She displays BPD tendencies. At the moment I feel like I have exhausted all my options in finding a way to share parenting responsibilities and relate with her. We have been divorced for 3 years now. Recently, I realized my role leading up to the divorce, took responsibility for my actions and attempted to fix the relationship and save the family. Since then, she has stonewalled me especially when it comes to sharing parenting responsibilities. I have expressed to her how I feel but she doesn't seem to care no matter how nice I am. Most frustrating is the fact that she wont reciprocate any kind gestures or show any concern about me. How do I engage in meaningful conversation with her? she seem like she would engage when meaningless stuff come up.

[sad but wiser]

It sounds like your main focus is on wanting a relationship with her, not really the co-parenting problems.  I do not think she wants to be your friend.  I am just guessing that is a closed book for her.  She probably isn't interested in how you feel, and that is why she doesn't reciprocate.  If she is willing to talk about largely unimportant stuff (like your child's clothing or homework or the weather)  you are probably ahead of the game.  I have heard of BPD exes screaming or throwing fits.  If it is cold, at least it is civil.

[Ananass]

yes you are right @sad but wiser. I believe having a relationship with her is the key to effective parenting. Over the years I have done my best to be civil and respectful of her especially around the child. I have always promised her that I will treat her with respect as the mother of my child. However, she does not see my existence or the effort I make towards my role as a parent.  We currently have a vague parenting plan that she constantly uses to keep me out of important matters regarding my son. My suggestions, however valid and neutral, are quickly seen as a criticism. Most recently she told me that she does not want me to show any loving emotion towards her since she is seeing somebody whom she introduced very quickly to my son. This is a whole other issue but so far I believe its handled. Most of the questions like "did you call the Dr regarding... .", "Are you willing to attend counselling... ." " How do we work together for the best interest of... ." all go unanswered and later says she was busy. in my heart I do love the person that she is and I respect the fact that she is seeing someone else. She has completely refused to work with me or even acknowledge the need for corroborating in drafting a parenting plan. sometimes visitation is denied, excuses like" child doesn't want to go" etc.  i feel like the more participation and greater role I seek, the more she stonewalls me. It is frustrating at times but I am very forgiving and everytime I see my child, i am hopeful and the hurt is gone. My only option is using an attorney which I am sure will come with more stonewalls on her end. I am struggling to see her as a BPD but rather a person.