Recently I have really pushed myself to establish better boundaries in my marriage. This has been a challenge in past years, especially around the holidays and family events. The more structure I enforce the better her behaviour lately. I enjoyed a very chaos free holiday and planning on seeing exiled family at Christmas. I seem to know her responses before they happen and validated her wishes to stay home by herself, if she so desired. Today she bought a gift for my "blacklisted" aunt, to give to her at the Christmas party. I really love the power exchange happening here. Is this manipulation or just good boundary setting? I had a screaming co-worker cuss me out for some trivial issue. I also validated his feelings and made it clear I understood his frustration. Eventually, this guy broke down in tears and told all the things going on with his life. I now have a new friend as a result of using simple communication tools.
It would depend on the who that person is and the person's intent, you are right. Sometimes it can be a combination of both, I think, just depending on the context.
You can still be 'manipulated' and feel good as a result of being manipulated. For example if it was coming from a typical charming sociopath for instance, we know they only do nice things because they have ulterior motives or strings attached in doing those nice things for you.
When I think of the word manipulation I think of negative connotations such as methods involving someone only caring about getting their needs met above others.
When I think about communication tools and boundary settings I think of postivie methods of diffusing difficult situations or used in benefit and consideration of others needs and for the improvement of self and others.
