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BPDFamily.com
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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
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Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
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NC Means She May Never Read This, But...
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Topic: NC Means She May Never Read This, But... (Read 383 times)
seeperplexed
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 39
NC Means She May Never Read This, But...
«
on:
November 28, 2016, 09:11:17 PM »
This whole time, I’ve struggled, because I put a lot of emotional pressure on how you felt during our relationship. What I’m beginning to realize is, it doesn’t matter. I can speculate for the rest of my life but it does me no good. When I look back, a very positive element comes to the forefront. I loved you. I was warm with you and secured you as best I could. I showed you true emotional intimacy. I was forgiving. Patient. I was everything I had never been with another person before I met you.
My guess is, you never really loved me. Through all of our amazing adventures and times together, I believe that your view of love is simply not aligned with mine. My feeling is a sustainable and mature respect for another person, including their weaknesses. It is ultimately understanding and it has the patience of a saint. These things were never reciprocated to me. This time in my life is now part of the bigger picture, it’s part of the process of becoming wiser and more aware of myself. I’m finally becoming OK with that. I loved you. That’s not a source of devastation so much anymore. It is hopeful. It is wonderful and full of beauty. It isn’t me that abandoned you. I did my best. Someone out there in this magnificent world will recognize me as the empathetic and sensitive, smart and charismatic guy that I am. They will love me back this time. I no longer fear if I can love. I can. I did. Through impossible emotional storms and ultimate betrayal, I loved. Thoroughly and passionately. I made memories that seem to glisten in sepia tone filter as I recall them. They seem to be more rich and meaningful than those I made prior to loving. I have laid the groundwork for the rest of my life.
My sincere hope is that the purity of what I felt has helped you better understand that you can become a person deserving of this level of beautiful respect and admiration. Right now, you are not deserving. What you did is unspeakable, cruel. Abusive. You moved on my birthday and left me, a person who truly loved you, to pick up the pieces of their life which you brazenly obliterated to suit your feeble needs. But I will no longer define myself by that. What I can say is that I LOVED another person. How you handled it was on you, and maybe one day down the line you’ll realize just how painful these lies and betrayals really are. I hope not. I would wish the feeling on nobody. But who knows the twists your life will take?
I hope the love I demonstrated, though abused, helped you paint yourself in a more positive light. It was sincere. As sincere as any poem I’ve written, song I’ve sung…there was truth in it. Just because I didn’t get truth in return, it doesn’t take away from the validity of my feelings and memories. And so I grow. I become stronger. I can love even more deeply. I can love myself. I hope that my being in your life has allowed you those same opportunities, even at my expense.
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sweet tooth
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 781
Re: NC Means She May Never Read This, But...
«
Reply #1 on:
November 28, 2016, 11:11:54 PM »
That was absolutely beautiful. I'm sure it won't make you feel any better, but my woman with BPD abandoned me around my birthday, too. I empathize with this message very much.
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julie frances lloyd
^
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 93
Re: NC Means She May Never Read This, But...
«
Reply #2 on:
November 29, 2016, 12:00:57 AM »
I was chatting with someone the other night and she seemed to think I should live in the hills. I wasn't sure which hills she meant but she had swooped up her glass of wine as she was being beconned by her husband and dissolved into group of people and hubub beyond. I continued sticking the coloured paper together as it was soothing and made sense.
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julie frances lloyd
^
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 93
Re: NC Means She May Never Read This, But...
«
Reply #3 on:
November 29, 2016, 12:04:50 AM »
Oh I think I have posted this in the wrong spot. I think it is time to go to sleep. Sorry I would delete this if I could but I don't see a delete button. Woops.
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Fr4nz
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 568
Re: NC Means She May Never Read This, But...
«
Reply #4 on:
November 29, 2016, 07:17:29 AM »
Beautiful post seeper.
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