She hasn'y blocked my number or social media

[Depression = 72% of members]

Does that necessarily mean they are not over you?
that they keep things open to stalk you?
Has anybody had their pwBPD paint them black (assuming you are painted black) but not care to block your number or your social media sites etc. during NC?
My BPD exes act like I don't exist/remain silent but has not blocked me.
I am just curious.

[Curiously1]

Does that necessarily mean they are not over you?
that they keep things open to stalk you?
Has anybody had their pwBPD paint them black (assuming you are painted black) but not care to block your number or your social media sites etc. during NC?
My BPD exes act like I don't exist/remain silent but has not blocked me.
I am just curious.

[tammym1972]

My ex painted me black at the end of our 4 year relationship. He unfrieded me on facebook but did not block me. He still does have some of my stuff though so I don't know if that's a factor.

[Curiously1]

My ex painted me black at the end of our 4 year relationship. He unfrieded me on facebook but did not block me. He still does have some of my stuff though so I don't know if that's a factor.

I wonder if this is their way of keeping connected?
I might be looking into things too much though.

[JJacks0]

My ex is trying to be friends with me now, so I'm not blocked anywhere. I was briefly, immediately after it ended but the push/pull was strong then, and she re-added me on social media and unblocked my number.

She says she no longer wants a romantic relationship with me though... .that she loves me but is not "in love" with me anymore. I don't know if that will ever change, it's pretty hard to predict her behavior. In fact if it's anything like I remember, I'm guessing her attitude toward me changes often. But I think the reason I'm not blocked is because she doesn't want to completely lose the attachment. She's better off having me there if she needs soothing.

Could be that it's a spare tire type situation... .keep me on the back burner and some day try to return. She knows I love her so I'm always here. Or it could be that she has no intention of ever returning but doesn't want to lose me altogether. So that's just my two cents on the matter.

[Curiously1]

My ex is trying to be friends with me now, so I'm not blocked anywhere. I was briefly, immediately after it ended but the push/pull was strong then, and she re-added me on social media and unblocked my number.

She says she no longer wants a romantic relationship with me though... .that she loves me but is not "in love" with me anymore. I don't know if that will ever change, it's pretty hard to predict her behavior. In fact if it's anything like I remember, I'm guessing her attitude toward me changes often. But I think the reason I'm not blocked is because she doesn't want to completely lose the attachment. She's better off having me there if she needs soothing.

Could be that it's a spare tire type situation... .keep me on the back burner and some day try to return. She knows I love her so I'm always here. Or it could be that she has no intention of ever returning but doesn't want to lose me altogether. So that's just my two cents on the matter.

They like the attention. There is still a need that you fill for her but yeah, it's all about her. It's pretty brutal to just watch the person that you love suddenly not want to be with you anymore.
The first time my ex and I broke up, she left me for a month and came back to start over as friends. She even said she would prefer to be friends with benefits because she missed sex with me and that I could be her wing girl and that it would benefit us if we both helped each other find new partners. Just wow. We were friends for about 2 weeks (I tried) but it wasn't for me and I cut it off. She wanted to get back together once I decided to go NC and that she made a terrible mistake. Now the relationship didn't last again a second time round. Again, when she broke up with me she said we could remain friends. I sticked with NC and left it like that again. The fact that both of our exes wanted to remain friends probably means that we are still painted white? But there is something holding them from wanting to be with us again. Also, I have another BPD ex. I am actually asking about them both in this post. The other one cut me out altogether, caught her stalking me in public once but simply ignores me. She hasn't blocked me either though. I don't know if I am painted white or black or what with her.

[neverloveagain]

My ex BPDgf at the end of our 10 years never blocked me on social media. It was the hardest part of staying nc checking in every once in awhile. And nc does mean no looking at social media it will only hold you further back from recovery. I was dumped on the Friday by Monday morning ten years of us on Facebook had been erased deleted her whole friends list had changed and there was my replacement like they had been dating for quite some time. Along with her new look and several other out of character changes music clothes etc. Do yourself a big favour don't peek and remain strong.

[Curiously1]

My ex BPDgf at the end of our 10 years never blocked me on social media. It was the hardest part of staying nc checking in every once in awhile. And nc does mean no looking at social media it will only hold you further back from recovery. I was dumped on the Friday by Monday morning ten years of us on Facebook had been erased deleted her whole friends list had changed and there was my replacement like they had been dating for quite some time. Along with her new look and several other out of character changes music clothes etc. Do yourself a big favour don't peek and remain strong.

So yours has never blocked you either. Do you know if you are painted black though? Or is she in friendly terms with you?

I haven't peeked since our last break up 5 or so months ago. It hurt to find out my ex recycled her  friend again and what that meant but it wasn't long-lasting. Just a day of reflection as to why I cared so much about who she chooses to be with. After I figured out it was an ego thing I let it go again. I think it's ok to check, as long as you are further in your dettachment. When you are fresh out of it or still long to have them back, yes definitely do not look. Heck, if you are so dettached you probably wouldn't feel the need to check. I didn't feel the need. I saw my replacements profile on a dating website and that just got me curious as to what happened to them. I assumed they would be friends and lovers for much  longer and couldn't resist but to check just for that .

[JJacks0]

The fact that both of our exes wanted to remain friends probably means that we are still painted white? But there is something holding them from wanting to be with us again.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm painted white now - well actually we haven't spoken in nearly 3 weeks now so who knows what she's thinking. But our last interactions were all positive, she seemed really happy to be around me and talking to me. But I think it might have freaked her out getting close to me again and now she's pulled back. I decided not to talk to her unless she talks to me, because it's just hurting me and might just push her further away. If she came to me that might be different. I think getting close to me is a trigger for mine, that's why she can't be with me right now. Her abandonment fears just go off the charts when we're close. I wish there were something I could do about it, but there doesn't seem to be a fix.

It was the hardest part of staying nc checking in every once in awhile. And nc does mean no looking at social media it will only hold you further back from recovery. I was dumped on the Friday by Monday morning ten years of us on Facebook had been erased deleted her whole friends list had changed and there was my replacement like they had been dating for quite some time.

I'm guilty of checking my ex's social media WAY too much. At times I've considered blocking her myself to keep from doing it. My ex also deleted 7 years worth of photos of us on Facebook. Cropped me out of photos and re-uploaded them. I found it really weird at the time. Now I guess it's just a coping method.

Random thought that just occurred to me:
My ex told me once immediately after she blocked my phone number that she did it to keep herself from calling me too.
Since she doesn't seem to have a problem not contacting me despite me not being blocked now... .maybe that means she's really detached. That's a depressing thought.

[troisette]

My ex didn't block me, I blocked him because I found his posts too painful and I needed nc. He's only contacted me twice, always with a reason although I think those reasons are calculated to test the water.

Although our exes are BPD they are also individuals with different approaches and different back histories.

I seldom see my ex but when we do meet he is very friendly, too much so, touching my arm etc. But he has a mask of friendliness to everyone, it only slips when he feels insecure and then imagines that someone is patronising him - he then reacts in a hostile manner. "Touchy" as someone recently described him.

I suspect that he's trying to remain on good terms with me, with no encouragement, to keep me as an attachment in his mind. Possibly with intent to recycle me at some time. He is a skilled manipulator, it's his way of surviving and coping with his mental state.

So I wouldn't place too much importance on whether your ex has blocked you or not. All BPDs are individuals in their own right and, according to temperament and age, will have their own coping mechanisms.

[once removed]

I might be looking into things too much though.

maybe, insofar as you wont find a definitive answer for your questions through the prism of BPD.

my ex and i treated each other as if we were dead but we never blocked each other. i dont think either of us had a reason behind that, just didnt deem it necessary.

but i get it. i wondered the same thing, and similar things.

i notice youve been feeling the urge to contact her. are these feelings and questions overlapping for you?

[empty-reflection]

I have been trying to figure out the same things for weeks.  It has been the MO in the past for her to 'unfriend' me and she didn't this time and IMO, this fight was much worse.  Deeper and more painful.  I miss my friend and it hurts to see her activity on FB... .I can't tell if she 'wants' to hurt me or is just indifferent... .BUT if you want someone completely out of your life, wouldn't you cut all ties?  I am still struggling but I am working on distancing myself because it seems 'space' was definitely required whether we end up talking again or not.  We were too enmeshed.  I know I can block/unfriend her but I can't seem to do it... .yet.  I am limiting myself to checking FB to once or twice a day to keep myself in a healthier space.

It is very hard NOT knowing the reasons they haven't blocked us.  It would be much more cut and dry, if I was blocked.  It would send me the message, "Yes, our friendship is over" and not (which I'm envisioning - oh the dreams and mind reading I've experienced!), "We both hurt each other and I'm tired of hurting you... .but I want to keep your presence close".   My friend has said told me in the past that she can't maintain proper friendships... .I failed to heed her warnings and here I sit with my heart in my hands.

... .questioning sucks.

[Recovering480]

We broke up on Tuesday and by Friday morning she had deleted ALL our pictures from Facebook, yet had kept her status in a relationship with me.  She even deleted check-ins and random stuff.

Friday night I deleted ALL the things on my wall, removed all pictures of her/us from Instagram and then updated my status to "single".

Saturday morning, she did the same thing and then sent me a text wanting to know if I was going to drop all her stuff off.

Monday morning was our epic text fight and she promptly unfollowed me on Instagram and blocked me on Facebook.

I was hurt initially. But I wasn't terribly surprised.  I refuse to read into it.  She could have done it out of anger. Or she wants to resist the temptation of checking on me. Or she doesn't want me to see what she's up to.  It doesn't matter. It will help me heal.

[Circle]

"Has anybody had their pwBPD paint them black (assuming you are painted black) but not care to block your number or your social media sites etc. during NC?
-Curiously1

     Yes. That is the stage I am in. Not blocked. My X is very lazy and not tech-savvy though. So, like Onceremoved mentions; probably not a good chance of finding out through the prism, or spectrum of BPD. In other words, "Who knows?" I would like to know too though. I wonder the same thing. I get a bit startled though, in day-to-day events, and am glad to know that I am off their radar.
For instance, a mutual f.b. friend of my X and I, texted me last night at 2 am. I imagined it was going to be about a smear, or something, related to my X and f.b. Which is entirely within the realm of possibility. So, for me, it's a bit of a relief to know that I might not be painted good or bad, but maybe somewhere in the middle. Hopefully, it's a case of out of sight, out of mind, for my X.

[Recovering480]

Yeah, I hate to put weight into these things. But none of her friends or family have followed suit.  Either she hasn't been talking badly about me or they already know what she's like. Or they dont care. I'm thinking if I'm such a bad guy, wouldnt her parents and family defriend me too?

Too many "ifs".

[Curiously1]

I seldom see my ex but when we do meet he is very friendly, too much so, touching my arm etc. But he has a mask of friendliness to everyone, it only slips when he feels insecure and then imagines that someone is patronising him - he then reacts in a hostile manner. "Touchy" as someone recently described him.

I suspect that he's trying to remain on good terms with me, with no encouragement, to keep me as an attachment in his mind. Possibly with intent to recycle me at some time. He is a skilled manipulator, it's his way of surviving and coping with his mental state.

So I wouldn't place too much importance on whether your ex has blocked you or not. All BPDs are individuals in their own right and, according to temperament and age, will have their own coping mechanisms.

Mine always wanted to remain friends but we all know pwBPD normally don't make good friends. At least ours is on good terms with us. It's interesting how that came to be. Mine can never hate me perhaps. She told me last time she felt "guilty" but didn't explain why she felt guilt for leaving me. My only guess is she couldn't help but to continually cheat with the friend because of her BPD and confusion as to what she wants after she is getting two people 'competing' over her in a way. I am too much of a good backup. Always considering me in the future when I've changed, when I've matured in her mind My ex told me she has never gone back to an ex and yet she has gone back to  me. I don't know if that's made up to make me feel special or if it's true. Whatever...

maybe, insofar as you wont find a definitive answer for your questions through the prism of BPD.

my ex and i treated each other as if we were dead but we never blocked each other. i dont think either of us had a reason behind that, just didnt deem it necessary.

but i get it. i wondered the same thing, and similar things.

i notice youve been feeling the urge to contact her. are these feelings and questions overlapping for you?

Yes my feelings and questions overlap. I wish she would just regret what she did again and apologise but in reality I am not getting that. My ego would like to continue to believe that I was first choice and the replacement was merely a distraction and talking badly about the friend was the truth. That it didn't last with them because she couldn't get over me and made yet another stupid decision. I had this validation before when she ran after me the last time she left. They only lasted a few weeks the first time we broke up and then she came running back to me telling me it didn't feel right to be with her. It is like I am looking for that validation over again, and the same scenario of her running back to me telling me she was stupid a second time... but that isn't going to change anything. My ex will always want more reassurance than anyone is capable of giving her and kept us both wanting her by playing us against eachother, probably not intentionally but when she was with me she felt wanted by the other and vice versa. All I know is that the friend is completely out. If she booted the friend when trying to repair our relationship that would have been easier but no, she needed more than my attention.

I have been trying to figure out the same things for weeks.  It has been the MO in the past for her to 'unfriend' me and she didn't this time and IMO, this fight was much worse.  Deeper and more painful.  I miss my friend and it hurts to see her activity on FB... .I can't tell if she 'wants' to hurt me or is just indifferent... .BUT if you want someone completely out of your life, wouldn't you cut all ties?  I am still struggling but I am working on distancing myself because it seems 'space' was definitely required whether we end up talking again or not.  We were too enmeshed.  I know I can block/unfriend her but I can't seem to do it... .yet.  I am limiting myself to checking FB to once or twice a day to keep myself in a healthier space.

It is very hard NOT knowing the reasons they haven't blocked us.  It would be much more cut and dry, if I was blocked.  It would send me the message, "Yes, our friendship is over" and not (which I'm envisioning - oh the dreams and mind reading I've experienced!), "We both hurt each other and I'm tired of hurting you... .but I want to keep your presence close".   My friend has said told me in the past that she can't maintain proper friendships... .I failed to heed her warnings and here I sit with my heart in my hands.

... .questioning sucks.

It does suck if we continue to obsess over things for too long. I have to take stop myself and take a break sometimes to remember who is more important to deal with - myself.  It is like we are relying too heavily on them to feel better. But I think caring is normal. You were friends, and friends should be there for each other and there are certain expectations we have on our friendships - even if we know some of our friends don't meet those expectations of what we would want a friend to be or expect them to treat us really well it is still disappointing when they treat us poorly. I am sorry you are going through this  However she chooses to treat you and whatever her intentions may be, my wish for you is finding the strength to be ok without her, especially now that she has disappeared. Gather up some more knowledge on emneshment and BPD. That has certainly helped me understand my part in a relationship and friendships and how to adjust in future so we don't get so entangled with everyone we care about.

We broke up on Tuesday and by Friday morning she had deleted ALL our pictures from Facebook, yet had kept her status in a relationship with me.  She even deleted check-ins and random stuff.

Friday night I deleted ALL the things on my wall, removed all pictures of her/us from Instagram and then updated my status to "single".

Saturday morning, she did the same thing and then sent me a text wanting to know if I was going to drop all her stuff off.

Monday morning was our epic text fight and she promptly unfollowed me on Instagram and blocked me on Facebook.

I was hurt initially. But I wasn't terribly surprised.  I refuse to read into it.  She could have done it out of anger. Or she wants to resist the temptation of checking on me. Or she doesn't want me to see what she's up to.  It doesn't matter. It will help me heal.

That was recent. I am sorry to hear about your break up.
She could have done it for those reasons or all of the above. We always wonder exactly what it is they're feeling about us. But the common theme of it all is that they pushed us away. We are no longer apart of their lives.

"Has anybody had their pwBPD paint them black (assuming you are painted black) but not care to block your number or your social media sites etc. during NC?
-Curiously1

     Yes. That is the stage I am in. Not blocked. My X is very lazy and not tech-savvy though. So, like Onceremoved mentions; probably not a good chance of finding out through the prism, or spectrum of BPD. In other words, "Who knows?" I would like to know too though. I wonder the same thing. I get a bit startled though, in day-to-day events, and am glad to know that I am off their radar.
For instance, a mutual f.b. friend of my X and I, texted me last night at 2 am. I imagined it was going to be about a smear, or something, related to my X and f.b. Which is entirely within the realm of possibility. So, for me, it's a bit of a relief to know that I might not be painted good or bad, but maybe somewhere in the middle. Hopefully, it's a case of out of sight, out of mind, for my X.

My ex is strange. I don't know whether she is tech savvy or not . I have thought the same, that she does not bother to block me on things because that requires effort in itself.

I've noticed some weird things on my exes social media too. For example, she still has that she is in a relationship with me on her Tumblr. But then again, her birthday has already past and she didn't bother to change her age on their either. She updates everything else such as liking posts, but does nothing for her profile information. I suppose that yeah, it was just out of laziness for her not to change things. But still, it made me overthink things like that it meant that she is still attached to the idea of being with me or at least a relationship that does not exist anymore.

I think the only reason I would like to know is because that validated that I am important to her no matter how she acts. I get over myself somedays and otherdays I feel like I want the same thing all over again, validation that I meant a lot to her and she just makes stupid decisions. I guess not all the time theyre thinking in black and white. The fact that my ex always wants to be friends each break up, even how much pain I gave her is interesting. I suppose they cope in different ways. Some really hate you, while others like my ex, still don't mind you around.

[lovenature]

Could be an oversight, most likely it is keeping a possible communication source open to retain an attachment. Remember it all depends on her current emotion of the moment; you can't apply logic to a mental disorder.

You can focus on YOU, remaining NC and healing, getting to the point where you don't care what she is up to.

[sweet tooth]

My ex unfriended both me and my friend who introduced us. I am not blocked on Facebook. She never untagged herself in the pictures of us or untagged me in any of her posts. She also still has a book of mine. As far as the phone goes, I have no idea if I'm blocked or not. She told me not to contact her again and I haven't. She never attempted to reengage.

I HAVE received dubious FB messages and friend requests in addition to an influx of calls from numbers I don't recognize that don't leave a message. I'm almost positive that she's involved.

I wish I could tell you what it all means, but unfortunately I'm just as confused by all of it as you are. My best advice is to focus on yourself. We can't control what our exes do. We can only control our own thoughts and behaviors and how we REACT to the behaviors of our exes. Believe me, I know how tough it is. I legitimately loved my ex. I cared about her more than I've ever cared about anybody else. It's hard to change feelings like that's by the (figurative) flip of a switch.

Take comfort that you aren't alone in your pain and confusion. The confusion is the hardest part because there is no rhyme or reason to any of this. If my ex called me and said, "I think we don't work as a couple because we want separate things" or something like that I could have rationalized it. However, she told me, after 11 months of spending time together, that there "was no spark." That's a BS excuse after that amount of time. If she said that after 3 or 4 dates I would have understood. But after that amount of time it was just hurtful and confusing... .