Hard time today.

[Depression = 72% of members]

I know I post a lot... .It's helping me tho.  Thanks for always listening guys!

Anyway, today is my birthday.  3 years ago, I asked my exBPDgf out on a date and we had gone to Perkins the same morning of my birthday.  It was magical.  

I had never been in a relationship where I truly loved the person before.  I had had a crush on her for a while.  I got the balls to ask her out because I was working with her and when I was doing my thing I was like "Well, if she walks by I will talk to her and ask her out.  It will be a sign."  As soon as I said sign she walked by with her cardboard.

I was so incredibly shocked that I couldn't even get myself to ask her out that day, but you bet I was going to!

So on my birthday, I had been drinking and decided just to go for it via FB messenger. I would have done it in person, but I just couldn't wait.  (I didn't know she had BPD until 3 days later when she told me.) I asked her if she would go out with me and she agreed and we met at Perkins. (I sobered up real quick knowing I was going there .)

Anyway, it was SO magical.  Normally it snows on my birthday, but when we got done with our breakfast and went out to the parking lot, she kissed me.  I looked around and was like "WOW, the snow is melting." And she was like, "Magic." I thought that was a sign as well.

I asked her out on my 28 birthday.  If you ever watch Once Upon A Time it correlates Emma's same birthday.  All I have ever wanted was to be in love! Emma made a wish that brought her to storybrooke to find her happy ending. I am obsessed with this show and it was weird that it was correlatting with that.  (Another sign!)  

I thought she was my happy ending.  I had so many signs that she was the one so it's left me with extreme loneliness and confusion. I'm having a hard time detaching because of all these signs, like I still think she is going to come back to my life.  

Today would have marked our 3 years.  We became official on the 19th so that's also going to be a hard one.

She has since blocked me from every type of media, and phone number and I am not allowed friendship either.

[Shedd]

I know I post a lot... .It's helping me tho.  Thanks for always listening guys!

Anyway, today is my birthday.  3 years ago, I asked my exBPDgf out on a date and we had gone to Perkins the same morning of my birthday.  It was magical.  

I had never been in a relationship where I truly loved the person before.  I had had a crush on her for a while.  I got the balls to ask her out because I was working with her and when I was doing my thing I was like "Well, if she walks by I will talk to her and ask her out.  It will be a sign."  As soon as I said sign she walked by with her cardboard.

I was so incredibly shocked that I couldn't even get myself to ask her out that day, but you bet I was going to!

So on my birthday, I had been drinking and decided just to go for it via FB messenger. I would have done it in person, but I just couldn't wait.  (I didn't know she had BPD until 3 days later when she told me.) I asked her if she would go out with me and she agreed and we met at Perkins. (I sobered up real quick knowing I was going there .)

Anyway, it was SO magical.  Normally it snows on my birthday, but when we got done with our breakfast and went out to the parking lot, she kissed me.  I looked around and was like "WOW, the snow is melting." And she was like, "Magic." I thought that was a sign as well.

I asked her out on my 28 birthday.  If you ever watch Once Upon A Time it correlates Emma's same birthday.  All I have ever wanted was to be in love! Emma made a wish that brought her to storybrooke to find her happy ending. I am obsessed with this show and it was weird that it was correlatting with that.  (Another sign!)  

I thought she was my happy ending.  I had so many signs that she was the one so it's left me with extreme loneliness and confusion. I'm having a hard time detaching because of all these signs, like I still think she is going to come back to my life.  

Today would have marked our 3 years.  We became official on the 19th so that's also going to be a hard one.

She has since blocked me from every type of media, and phone number and I am not allowed friendship either.

[Hisaccount]

Sorry you are having a rough day. That is very hard. Like many of us have or are going through the same thing.

I honestly think you are better off with no contact. No push pull, gives you time to heal before she does show up again.

Have to remember as hard as it is to believe it wasn't real. It was fun, take it for what it was just a fantasy. One that not too many people ever give to experience.

But there is the problem, once we have it all then we are left picking up the pieces.

What are you doing for your birthday besides wasting time with us losers?

[Shedd]

What are you doing for your birthday besides wasting time with us losers?

LOL! You guys aren't losers. <3 I have had a couple birthday dinners with family, and have to work tonight. (luckily she won't be there)  I am celebrating with friends on Saturday. So that should be fun!

Thanks for your post!

[Hisaccount]

You know everything you wrote I could have written. Like how does a guy like me get a gal like that?

Hmmmm, .
It was magical. The signs were there that this was right.

Unfortunately they were all stop signs, I apparently need glasses.

[Shedd]

Unfortunately they were all stop signs, I apparently need glasses.

Ha, yeah.  It will be very hard to trust signs from now on. :/

[Hisaccount]

I am a long ways from moving on but look at it this way, you know what you don't want and that is someone who is not good to you.

It is a very painful learning process. Sorry you had to go through that.


and Happy Birthday!

[Shedd]

Thank you!

At least my first relationship is my worst so it can only get better from here, right? XD;;

I hope things do get better for you!

[lovenature]

Sorry you are having a tough time, it is very hard to heal from these relationships.
Continue learning about BPD, I found the more I learned, the easier it was to detach and heal.
Post as much as you like; questions, feelings, progress, it helps and we are all here for each other.