First post

[Real]

I am unsure exactly where my situation fits in. But I think my adult son may have BPD.
This has been going on for may years, where he talks at me rather than to me. Forgets or twists anything he's ever done wrong and turns it back on me.
He is always busy when someone ask anything of him, yet constantly states things like " all he does for everyone.
Its like roll reversal , as if he's the parent and Im the child.
He completely disowned his younger sister because she was never quick enough, for his liking, at getting back or responding. And will change his reason for this as it may suit him. He is callous and insulting about her if ever she is mentioned.

My elderly father recently had enough of his "can't help as busy " attitude. So much so that he ended up putting the phone down on him when he finally called for his usual just before his birthday call. As a result I got shouted at and told it was all my fault and I had to put things right. My saying it was his granddads choice to do that made no difference at all.
The above is just one situation (the latest) of many years.

He won't ever allow for me to draw attention to his behaviour, and will either speak over me or put the phone the phone down. Usually telling me to ring when I'm ready to apologise.

It's hard to explain it all in one post. But he called today to dictate how things should be. Like do as I say but don't do as I do.
He doesn't get it, and it hurts.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Hi Real,

You're in the right place 

It sounds like your son is projecting his own negative behaviors onto you. I've learned that this is how people with a weak sense of self process negative emotions -- it's as though that part of them becomes a fragment they can unsnap from themselves and try to make sense of it in the context of someone else's actions. Very confusing!

How often do you see your son? Does he live nearby?

Does he have periods where he can get along with you and other family members?

LnL

[Real]

Hi LnL
Yes he lives near but lives his own life outside of the times he is having a go at me or dictating.
Is very much a do as he wants to. And appears to live a quite happy life with wife and child.

I feel others only get to see his good side... .as in friends and his in laws.

If he feels he has put me in my place then as long as I tow the line (in his eyes ) we will  'get along'... .yet when ever he is around I feel nervous and can't relax in case I mention his sister or something else he wont like.

Not sure I am reading the site correctly as didnt see I had a reply till I looked around at others posts. Plus the timing of my posts is wrong as It is now 2.27 pm (UK) and I apparently wrote original message at 6.32 am. ?
It was more like 10.30 am ?