little things that trigger

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I got triggered this morning while getting ready to go visiting family. I was putting on dress pants and dress shirt that I bought from a friend who owned a clothing store. My friend picked out the clothes and a nice sweater. She said it looked sharp on me. As I was getting dressed today I was shot back in time to my xw who always made fun of my dress pants and sweater, funny trigger. I was also looking for something and came across a letter and graduation pics that was given to me by my good friends daughter. She's a very nice young girl,. Xw always had something rude to say about that letter and pics. Most people I know would make a nice remark about something like that but not xw, everything had to be hurtful.

[bus boy]

I got triggered this morning while getting ready to go visiting family. I was putting on dress pants and dress shirt that I bought from a friend who owned a clothing store. My friend picked out the clothes and a nice sweater. She said it looked sharp on me. As I was getting dressed today I was shot back in time to my xw who always made fun of my dress pants and sweater, funny trigger. I was also looking for something and came across a letter and graduation pics that was given to me by my good friends daughter. She's a very nice young girl,. Xw always had something rude to say about that letter and pics. Most people I know would make a nice remark about something like that but not xw, everything had to be hurtful.

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi bus boy-

One thing that's cool about triggers is if we notice them, and then do whatever it was that triggered us, we create new memories around it, like you getting dressed this morning, you're now out visiting family, creating new memories, and if we do that with all of our triggers, intentionally, especially the negative ones, not erasing the old ones but replacing them with new, more empowering ones, we create the life we want, one trigger at a time.  Hope you're having a great day today, reinforcing that "holiday" trigger in great ways!

[bus boy]

Thank you. It is a day with good memories, it's the first Xmas day s10 spent with me in 5 years. S10 is starting to come around to my family. S10 still has fears of his mother knowing he was with my family but I don't push s10 and my family doesn't, they let him come around and get comfortable. S10 is still a bit strange of my sister but he has came right around to my dad.

[enlighten me]

Hi Busboy

Two things with your post first the triggers. I too had triggers over clothing. Stuff my exgf didn't like me in or stuff I didn't like that she wanted me to wear. As FHTH said its good when you recognise them and then own them. I like it so I'm going to wear it so my exs opinion doesn't matter. It gives power back to you.

Secondly children can be torn and the way you and your family are letting s10 find his own way is fantastic. He will have been told stuff by his mum but the reality wont be matching that. He will come to his own conclusions and they will be more valid than anything you or your ex can tell him. This may well be the beginning of him seeing through his mum and will strengthen his attachment to you.