Oops I did again or did she?

[YGreyH]

Been reading this forum for awhile... .

A bit background, my wife and I have been living separately for about 2 years now.  After the last incident 2 years ago (she went hysterical, called police and all that), we almost got a divorced... .but then we "got back" together,  but been living separately which worked out wonderfully... .for me at least?

We have a young son together, so we do the 1 week on and 1 week off schedule but meet 4 to 5 days a week including most of the weekends. It's been great the last 2 years, almost no incidents except 1 incident last Thanksgiving in 2015 and boy, I did it again. Forgot holiday season is typically when she has "incidents".

I stopped at her place today, and she wanted to go supermarket for grocery. I was completely okay with it and everyone was in the happy mood... .but my young son was slow, so I laid in bed, yawned and said "boy, the weather makes me sleepy".  

Bang! There you go, tension in the air. We still went to grocery and she only bought a few drinks my son wanted and did not get anything else.  Still kinda talk, but no eye contacts, no talking unless I say something and she responds.  (At least that's an improvement? Not the completely silent types as she used to do.)

I of course, jetted out there as fast I could when we returned.

I'm trying to figure out how to set the boundary in this scenario. Any recommendations?

We were thinking about buying another house so we can move back together, but I think I've been without incidents for awhile so I got my guards down. This incident reminded me of all the "tensions" we had before, thank god I have my own place to get away this time, so I'm really doubting my decisions here now.

Oh yeah, I didn't get her any Christmas gift this year... .because I need to save $$$ for down-payment which she happily agreed... now thinking about it, it might have something to do with it. BIG mistake here.

 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[drained1996]

Hi YGreyH,



Sorry for your current issues, but we are glad you found us.  Having a loved on with BPD traits can be mentally, emotionally and physically draining.  The members of this site are very familiar with such circumstances.  Have you all thought about any therapy to help guide you?
One thing many of us have learned is that we cannot change our person with BPD, but we can change how we react to and communicate with them.  In the upper right margin of this page you will see some tools and lessons geared to help us do exactly that.  Combining a good knowledge of the illness with these techniques and tips can help improve your situation. 
What particular types of things did you have problems with day to day when you were living together? 
Keep posting!  We are here.