Did Anyone's Ex Disappear After Breakup?

[seeperplexed]

Hey all... .I'm 4 months out from a breakup which I've gone into detail about in a couple of my previous posts. Really awful stuff, I was cheated on, lied to from the start. My relationship was 15 months and I'm really trying to detach. Doing well compared to where I was... .that's for sure!

2 months after my ex was found out, all the lying and cheating, she moved across the country. I've known her to be a traveller and she has in the past moved, with her boyfriend at that time. But it really ___ed me up pretty thoroughly. She actually moved on my birthday. She likely didn't even consider that it was my birthday. Is this commonly seen on these forums, or has anyone experienced this before? I couldn't believe the immediate nature of such an intense move but I also know her to be extremely professional and has pretty much never been denied a job. She's bright and remarkably good-looking.

[Curiously1]

Yes my exBPDgf impulsively flew interstate and moved there to be with her current partner. Just like that. Makes me think she could just as easily fly back if it doesn't work out... or maybe just move onto the next at the town she is at

[JRT]

Before I met her, mine inexplicably moved to Maine from the Midwest despite knowing no one there nor having any particular reason to go there specifically. She never told me why in any detail nor did she ever recall any memories from living there as long as she did. I suspect that she ran there to get away from a relationship she cut herself out of.

As for me, she had jsut moved in after we had become engaged. We had a great relationship and things were going smoothly. I went away for work, and she moved out and notified me via text prior to blocking me. I never spoke to her again; that was 2 years ago.

From what I understand, she recently moved to a city an hour an a half drive from work in the opposite direction from family, friends and familiar places. Not sure if its for a relationship (I have reason to suspect not) or to run away again. I think that this is common with BPD.

[strong9]

Mine moved and traveled back and forth across the world seemingly on one to two days' notice. I think it gave her a sense of security that she could run away from her identity and her problems.

[talks to angels]

yep mine did too. I know all are different, but be prepared they always seem to contact again. and again and again. they are like a recurring nightmare. NC is the only way. and at least for me I believe that means for life

[Fr4nz]

Someone, some time ago, used an interesting metaphor to describe the behaviour of BPD sufferers; he basically said that when BPDs start a relationship, they basically start to "colonize a new island" -- i.e., they start making ties with the people on the island, use its resources, and so on.

As the time goes by, sufferers get bored of the island, and increasingly commit bad actions (due to the disorder) towards the people close to them.

At some point, the situation becomes so unbearable that they prefer to leave the island and cut the losses, thus starting a new life on a new island.

My experience: ex basically left me after 1.5 years of relationship. In the month that followed, she immediately started having sex with other people -- mind that in the meantime she kept talking with me and met 2 times as well... .during these times, she kissed me but withdrawn the sex.

Once the replacement appeared, 1 month after the breakup, she cut me completely off of her life (up to this day... .I did the same, following the advices of this website).
This is also the pattern that she exibithed at the end of previous relationships, so in retrospective her behaviour is coherent. She belongs to the cut-off type, even if she told me that she contacted some exes after a lot of time (in one instance, this happened after 4 years of NC).

Mind that after 1 year her new relationship finished (I guess for the same motives it ended with me) and she had other flings.

All in all, I think that what appalled us is the contrast between the short time they need to move on and the intensity of the relationship: during the relationship they were declaring we were the love of their life; after that, we were just old dresses to be trashed in the bin.

It's a disorder, there's nothing to do :D

[Pretty Woman]

Mine just ghosted me after a 3yr relationship, but she also had a solid replacement secured.

She ended up moving five miles away (she was three miles away at the time and I haven't heard a peep, nothing, been blocked on FB since the day she dumped me).

I always say I will never hear from her again but I know she has reached out to ALL her exes at least a few times. Some she has dated in between relationships with new people... .sometimes 5-10 years later. These people apparently crave abuse. She won't get another round (or breath) out of me again. If I run into her on the street I will not be speaking to her.

My ex gave a child up for adoption many years ago. It was an open adoption and the adoptive parents included her in milestone events until she told them crazy stories about her being in polyamorous relationships, cheating, her husband trying to kill himself (she was married to a man once). These people stopped sending her pics and communicating with her. Two years ago, she tried to reach out on FB and they blocked her.

I felt so bad for her because she really doesn't have a chance, but eventually I realized I was grieving the loss of someone who didn't exist, I was grieving a person I WANTED to exist. It is not my place to try to save her, she doesn't want saving and it's narcissistic for me to think I can.

All of these things were   I ignored. People NOT wanting to re-engage with her. Now I realize it was to protect themselves and the best thing they could possibly do for themselves and for the child she gave up.

[pjstock42]

My ex had lived in seemingly every corner of the world for some period of time & I was just a utility for her while she happened to be stopping by my area for a while.

I'm >6 months out and have been in complete NC the whole time so to me at least, she really has disappeared. I have literally no idea if she is still in my city or in my country, she could be anywhere. She was always proud to tell me of the day she bought a one way plane ticket out of the country to leave her fiance at the time (with no warning), so clearly this is a repeating pattern that will continue to claim many victims until she's too old/unattractive to lure men into her web.

[pjstock42]

We had a great relationship and things were going smoothly. I went away for work, and she moved out and notified me via text prior to blocking me

This is quite literally the same exact thing that happened to me, unbelievable man... .

[JRT]

This is quite literally the same exact thing that happened to me, unbelievable man... .

Amazing isn't it?... .after 2 VERY happy years.

Have you attempted contact?

[seeperplexed]

At some point, th situation becomes so unbearable that they prefer to leave the island and cut the losses, thus starting a new life on a new island.e

My experience: ex basically left me after 1.5 years of relationship. In the month that followed, she immediately started having sex with other people -- mind that in the meantime she kept talking with me and met 2 times as well... .during these times, she kissed me but withdrawn the sex.

Unbelievable... .almost identical to my situation. I found out about everything, the lying and cheating and such, then I made the mistake of meeting up with her again twice in the month after. We had sex both of those times, very passionately. The first instance resulted in her crying, telling me she was in love with me, and asking me to just take her home. This whole time she was still seeing my replacement.

My ex always had a complex about buying things for her house, because it made her anxious. It made her anxious that she could not easily move if she purchased things... .I now understand why. It is easier to split from these difficulties than for her to handle them and take accountability. If only I would have LISTENED. Blah!

[pjstock42]

Amazing isn't it?... .after 2 VERY happy years.

Have you attempted contact?

Had one email to/from her immediately after because she screwed me over with our apartment lease but nothing after that. She attempted the "we should meet up in a while when things have cooled down" and I told her that I could never talk to her again. So many times I've wanted to reach out to her but thankfully I've read the experiences of people on this board and know for a fact that this never leads to anything positive.

[jo19854]

Mine took a plane when I was at work after a kiss and hug before I left. She smiled and waved goodbey when i got in the car. Coming home i found  a note with a few lines where she thanked me for everything. Ending with ... .Love B... .no explanation. Left everything behind including her dog.
Never have ever have seen and heard from her after 11 year rs, 2 years Marriage.   Coming Feb 6th it will be 3 years that she left. It's like dealing with suicide and disappeared person at the same time.

[JRT]

 Coming Feb 6th it will be 3 years that she left. It's like dealing with suicide and disappeared person at the same time.

Wow... .I can relate! Sorry to hear about this. Have you heard from her at all? Mine blocked me everywhere. Called the cops when I used a hotel phone and threatened a PPO through lawyer friends!

[talks to angels]

Wonder how common this trait is. Dont get me wrong I have move to different places. but I have had steady employment and moved for job opportunities. Mine moved around and yet had no real career. He was like a vagabond and I didnt really put it together until after we broke up. It is like others have stated, he was like a leach and moved around to anyone that would take him in.
Is this a sign of mental illness? Run and start a new image?