Communication

[dacoming]

Does anyone have problems communicating their feelings with their BPD significant other?  I feel like I barely want to discuss anything with her from fear of things being switched around or taken a whole different way, even minor things.  Also, it seems my wife is always in a "depressed" state and blames me for everything, from her sickness to her depression, etc etc.  Every time I try to give my view, if it's not the same as hers, she blows up and accuses me of being defensive or argumentative and out of my character (even when often times I don't have a tone or anything). So often I just sit and listen to her blames and insults and say I will do better.  She gets mad at that too because she feels like she is talking to the wall because I do not respond.  It's a lose lose situation for me so it feels like a waste of time to even respond.  However, I'm left feeling empty, upset, and bitter inside from her constant onslaughts of blame.  In addition, I've been having ED issues for years and am going to counseling again (been to a few different ones) and we've determined a big part of the issue to be anxiety.  However, he fears unless we fix our relationship issues as well by going to marital counseling, nothing else will work.  She feels my problems are due to masturbation and from time to time rages at me for "being selfish pleasing myself while she is waiting for me, not caring about her or the problem."  Every time I try to tell her it's not masturbation she gets really mad and accuses me of rationalizing my stuff.  I haven't mentioned to her what the counselor said about our marital issues contributing to the problem because I know she will hit the roof and take it as me trying to blame her.  I do try to get her to go to marriage counseling, which she refuses because "all I do is lie all the time."  I do find myself becoming less and less attracted to her (not for physical reasons) because some of the things she has said to me over the years and how she twists words and events to fit her feelings makes me see her differently.  But I do not know how to communicate any of this to her.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.