Sadly I'm just one of many pawns/supply sources and enablers to a master manipulator who truly doesn't give a sh*t about anything or anyone other than losing his ability to seek ego/cock strokes from anyone around either online or in person and I'm apparently supposed to not take it personally and show compassion and empathy for the disordered individual who chooses not to treat the disorder he knows about despite all the suffering it causes others.
My kids from a previous marriage are 7 & 10, my littlest with the dBPdex is 15 months.
Ex was diagnosed BPD in May and added his mental health diagnosis to the long list of excuses why he is a special snowflake that is exempt from human decency,
We knew each other as teens. After a while reconnected on FB sporadically, then he supposedly moved here for a relationship. Everything from day one has been affairs, lies, gaslighting and abuse and yet to him I'm the family and relationship killer, uncaring and heartless as I finally took the police advise to ask for a protection order to ensure the kids and I are safe.
I'm kind of in the early shell shocked roll coaster stage of what the heck and examining my part and just trying to keep my head above water really while dealing with trying to detach and getting exposure to our criminal justice system and the family court process. Sorry my stomach is in knots today reviewing a bunch of texts and emails be has sent and writing up timeline documentation for court this week.
Plus my little was in the ER Monday night due to a fall (he's fine) and works hectic and now the little has a fever of 102 it's just one of those kinda days.
How about you?
Ohhhh compassion and empathy can only go so far. I randomly met my ex on the street, he was sweet and all that good stuff he told me that he suffers from mild depression and I wasn't too concerned about it because I know quite a few people who suffer from mild depression and they seem all right personally. After some time I realize it's way more than mild depression. When he got drunk he was emotionally abusive and when he sobered up he would always apologize about it but over time he was emotionally abusive even when he was sober. At the time I chalked it up to maybe the pregnancy is just scaring him by the way our child was planned. I hate to say this but I realized he got jealous of the pregnancy. To this day when someone calls him and ask him how he's doing he's willing and ready to talk about it sure he lies and says he's great and all that stuff but as soon as the person changes the conversation to our son he says things that a jealous person would say. He completely loses interest in the conversation.
He broke up with me when I was eight months pregnant and then started a relationship not too long after with someone that he was friends with. (if it's the same friend that he's always been telling me about it would be the same one that he claims is "just as insane as him" jarring I separation agreement he literally tried to take my son away from me saying he can give my son a full family (with his girlfriend he literally had for two minutes) The way I see it she's giving him all the attention now and I am painted completely black but the only thing that can happen from that relationship is maybe a last a little longer because she isn't saying to but there will be a day when one of them or both of them will just lose complete interest, sadly that will be the day when my ex will try to be in my sons life again.
We had a good relationship except for the last week literally the last week everything basically changed overnight. You know what I would even say a week I would say the last three days of our relationship was complete and utter confusion. He is an alcoholic he's highly suicidal and Self harms. And on top of all that he is high functioning so if you're not completely close to him you won't even know something is seriously wrong with him. Like his coworkers and friends that he doesn't value (all).
I am glad for the day that I let go wanting him something would honestly have to be wrong with me wanting him after all this he isn't right he isn't capable of love hell he doesn't even love himself. He says he loves my son and I do not believe that the things he does doesn't come out of love it comes out of selfishness. For his own sake I pray that he does get help and learn how to manage. Tell then I don't want my son alone with him and he will never have custody.
I'm glad your little man is feeling better I hope you guys all the best!
I know you never really asked for any but my advice to you is to take care of yourself, it is so easy to be drowned in confusion. After sometime you will realize that everything he says and does just has to blow over your head you stressing over it or losing yourself over it is absolutely not worth it. Sadly he doesn't know what he's doing and even worse probably he does know what he's doing both reasons to not let it phase you. One something crazy happens remember that you need to take care of yourself do something that you like to do even though you may not have the means to do it. Eat your favourite food take your kids out, make them smile personally for me seeing my son smile melts away all the pain. Make a new life plans and if you think you are never MoveOn trust me it's possible. I haven't moved on as in I haven't found someone new but I'm just focussing on my baby first. Opportunities are there.
