They are never out of your life

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Haven't posted in a few months I think. I'm close to 1.5 years out of what think was a BPD relationship. I've detailed my story on here starting in summer of 2015. It's been a tough journey but I came out ok I think . I'm in a new relationship that's approaching a year. My new gf is great but not without her insecurities and low self esteem. As I've written on here before I was no contact since Oct 2015 all the way to April 2016 when my exgf texted me out of the blue. Since then we have talked once in a while. I know it's wrong but I'm definately stronger these days. She usually will initiate a text and we talk. Weeks go by before we talk again. So it wasn't a surprise when she text me for holidays and to give me condolences for the Cowboys losing in the playoffs . I think I've posted before that I'm a police officer. The other night when she text me she sent a pic of the charm with my badge number on it. She showed me that it's still on her keychain . I told her I was shocked she still had it. She was shocked I would say that. Anyway she went into mor apologies for the way she treated me and the pain she caused. She added she respects me as a person and police officer . Said I have a big heart. It not the first time she has said this.
         Fast forward to last Wednesday. I have a concert at my daughters school. I have a little anxiety because I know I may see her as her daughter is in same school. It would be the first time I saw her since break up. Also my new gf would be there and I didn't want problems. I should add because of my gf insecurity she must have looked her up on FB and knows what she looks like. Anyway I got there early and sat down. I saved seats for my gf, ex wife and her new husband. We all get along . Sure enough I see my ex gf with a mutual female friend. I'll admit my heart rate went up and I got that little feeling in my stomach . They bot saw me, the mutual friend came up to me and said hello. I told her I was saving seats for the ex-wife. Just small chit chat and she went and sat down. At this point my gf is not here and is gonna be late. Then to my shock my exgf comes over to me and gives me a hug and a kiss. We exchange pleasantries and she sits down. I could only guess the mutual friend told her who I was sitting with. A short time later my exgf comes over to me and asks if we can talk. We go out to the hallway and she shockingly asks me why I'm sitting with the ex wife and her husband. I asked her why does it matter, and said I have anxiety about even being there. She asked if it was because of her and when I said yes she walked away upset . Once my gf showed up I had total anxiety. I could feel her looking at us.
            The concert finished and I just wanted to get out quickly. Sure enough we walk right by the exgf while we are trying to get out. My gf and her locked eyes. Ughhhh! I knew I would hear about this later. Later at night while in bed my gf asked if I saw the exgf, I lied and said know because I knew if I did tell her it would open a can of worms. It started a whole fight because she didn't believe me. She said my ex was staring at us the whole time and when we left she almost broke her neck turning to look at us. We have since made up and I haven't heard from my ex gf. My ex wife said it must have killed her to see us all sitting together.
         What do you guys think of this? Typical BPD to try and control me by reprimanding me for sitting with the ex wife ?

[Bigmd]

Haven't posted in a few months I think. I'm close to 1.5 years out of what think was a BPD relationship. I've detailed my story on here starting in summer of 2015. It's been a tough journey but I came out ok I think . I'm in a new relationship that's approaching a year. My new gf is great but not without her insecurities and low self esteem. As I've written on here before I was no contact since Oct 2015 all the way to April 2016 when my exgf texted me out of the blue. Since then we have talked once in a while. I know it's wrong but I'm definately stronger these days. She usually will initiate a text and we talk. Weeks go by before we talk again. So it wasn't a surprise when she text me for holidays and to give me condolences for the Cowboys losing in the playoffs . I think I've posted before that I'm a police officer. The other night when she text me she sent a pic of the charm with my badge number on it. She showed me that it's still on her keychain . I told her I was shocked she still had it. She was shocked I would say that. Anyway she went into mor apologies for the way she treated me and the pain she caused. She added she respects me as a person and police officer . Said I have a big heart. It not the first time she has said this.
         Fast forward to last Wednesday. I have a concert at my daughters school. I have a little anxiety because I know I may see her as her daughter is in same school. It would be the first time I saw her since break up. Also my new gf would be there and I didn't want problems. I should add because of my gf insecurity she must have looked her up on FB and knows what she looks like. Anyway I got there early and sat down. I saved seats for my gf, ex wife and her new husband. We all get along . Sure enough I see my ex gf with a mutual female friend. I'll admit my heart rate went up and I got that little feeling in my stomach . They bot saw me, the mutual friend came up to me and said hello. I told her I was saving seats for the ex-wife. Just small chit chat and she went and sat down. At this point my gf is not here and is gonna be late. Then to my shock my exgf comes over to me and gives me a hug and a kiss. We exchange pleasantries and she sits down. I could only guess the mutual friend told her who I was sitting with. A short time later my exgf comes over to me and asks if we can talk. We go out to the hallway and she shockingly asks me why I'm sitting with the ex wife and her husband. I asked her why does it matter, and said I have anxiety about even being there. She asked if it was because of her and when I said yes she walked away upset . Once my gf showed up I had total anxiety. I could feel her looking at us.
            The concert finished and I just wanted to get out quickly. Sure enough we walk right by the exgf while we are trying to get out. My gf and her locked eyes. Ughhhh! I knew I would hear about this later. Later at night while in bed my gf asked if I saw the exgf, I lied and said know because I knew if I did tell her it would open a can of worms. It started a whole fight because she didn't believe me. She said my ex was staring at us the whole time and when we left she almost broke her neck turning to look at us. We have since made up and I haven't heard from my ex gf. My ex wife said it must have killed her to see us all sitting together.
         What do you guys think of this? Typical BPD to try and control me by reprimanding me for sitting with the ex wife ?

[man34]

Hi,
She will be out of your life... .if you keep her out... .seems like u let her in from time to time... .there is no half way in relationships, especially with BPD trait... .NC should mean NC... .take care

[jonmnemonic]

You're playing with fire by talking with your ex-gf over text and you're also playing with fire by lying to your new gf about your ex.  It sounds like your new gf needs some reassurances and I'd highly recommend you do some backtracking and tell her the truth.  Perhaps letting her handcuff you and hit you with the taser will be both therapeutic for her and shock some sense into you.

It sounds like your ex-gf hasn't moved on from you:

1. She keeps in contact with you over text
2. She carries your badge number charm around
3. She acts jealous of your new and old relationships

In all fairness you're partly at fault as you did respond to her after maintaining NC.  What motivates you to continue talking with her?

[hope2000]

Hi Bigmd

I reading a very uncomfortable situation here and is not an easy one  to be in. Is important for you to be assertive here with all involved. It maybe helpful for you to see a counsellor about the difficult situation you're in. It seems that you're overwhelmed by your girlfriend insecurities and ex girlfriend. The counsellor will help you be more assertive with the women in your lives.

[Confused108]

Big if you think your ex is well and means everything g she says think again. She is looking to recycle you because she hasn't found a replacement for you yet. If you continue on this path you are either gonna lose the Normal girl you have bc trust me when I say I wouldn't put it past your ex to contact your new girlfriend and make up lies or tell her you text every now and then. Or if you still have feelings for your ex and make that HUGE mistake of going back to her the next time she discards you will be worse then the 1st time. I know it's hard. I know it is but trust me get her out of your life and keep her where she belongs... .in the past. Nothing good can come out of this.

[Bigmd]

I know I'm at fault partially. I'm not sure what motivates me to keep up the connection. I never reach out , she always initiates. I know that doesn't make it right. Seemed a lot easier when I was totally painted and she didn't talk to me. Then again nothing is easy about these relationships. I have started therapy again. Mainly because my new gf, as great as she is, has her problems too. After a year Im getting frustrated about constantly reassuring her that she's good looking , not fat , and my feelings for her. She gets very needy sometimes. She's not quite in the ballpark as my ex but she may be in the parking lot of the ball park .

[Rayban]

Big MD

You leave that door open just a little bit, and rest assured she will try to crawl back in. There is no better validation for her then to get you back in line, by having you leave your current love interest to get back with her. That's how she measures her self worth.  Don't fall for it.

She will punish you just for the thought of being with somone else after the relationship with her.

YOU have the power to stop any contact with her by making it clear that you've moved on with yourlife. If you don't, you hand over the reigns and make her decide when its over when SHE says it is. Trust me she will, and you have no idea about the emotional damage she is willing to inflict for even considering being with somone else.  You'll be broken by going back to her, while she just moves on to the next, knowing she hasthe ability to get back a man who tried to escape.

Be good to your new gf, and block the living crap out of your BPDex. Your in control right now.  Use it wisely and concentrate on what's best for you.
 

[Confused108]

Big MD

You leave that door open just a little bit, and rest assured she will try to crawl back in. There is no better validation for her then to get you back in line, by having you leave your current love interest to get back with her. That's how she measures her self worth.  Don't fall for it.

She will punish you just for the thought of being with somone else after the relationship with her.

YOU have the power to stop any contact with her by making it clear that you've moved on with yourlife. If you don't, you hand over the reigns and make her decide when its over when SHE says it is. Trust me she will, and you have no idea about the emotional damage she is willing to inflict for even considering being with somone else.  You'll be broken by going back to her, while she just moves on to the next, knowing she hasthe ability to get back a man who tried to escape.

Be good to your new gf, and block the living crap out of your BPDex. Your in control right now.  Use it wisely and concentrate on what's best for you.
 

Could not have said it better myself Rayban! Run Big! Don't look back!

[talks to angels]

K this is going to sound harsh but here it goes. It doesnt matter what your ex looks like. Your gf can sense you are lying. So obviuosly she is insecure! You need to knock it off. A relationship based on lies will not work. Im not sure of your history with your exgf, but what you are doing is pry equal to some if the crap she did to you. As a woman i can say if it was no big deal with your exgf you would be HONEST! Your girlfriend deserves better! You are the one making her insecure! She knows you are lying!