New member to this resource

[Depression = 72% of members]

Good evening all,

I've just finished reading SWOE at the recommendation of my therapist, and felt very motivated to visit this website/group.  To be honest, the first couple of chapters of the book were almost painful to read; I strongly believe that my spouse suffers from either BPD, NPD or a combination of the two.

I really don't know how to feel about all of this: scared, relieved, angry, or just plain uncertain.  Our relationship is extremely out of balance, and I've been 'walking on egg shells' for several years.

I sought professional help for myself recently, and this is the first thing that has come to light.  I love my husband dearly, but I'm in pretty bad mental shape myself, and so I guess the first thing I have to do is get myself in a good head space before I can even think about how to help him and our marriage.

Thanks for listening

[dragonfly73]

Good evening all,

I've just finished reading SWOE at the recommendation of my therapist, and felt very motivated to visit this website/group.  To be honest, the first couple of chapters of the book were almost painful to read; I strongly believe that my spouse suffers from either BPD, NPD or a combination of the two.

I really don't know how to feel about all of this: scared, relieved, angry, or just plain uncertain.  Our relationship is extremely out of balance, and I've been 'walking on egg shells' for several years.

I sought professional help for myself recently, and this is the first thing that has come to light.  I love my husband dearly, but I'm in pretty bad mental shape myself, and so I guess the first thing I have to do is get myself in a good head space before I can even think about how to help him and our marriage.

Thanks for listening

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Meili]

I remember not knowing how to feel about my situation when I first started to understand what was going on. Feeling angry, confused, frustrated, scared, and relieved are all natural responses. Our minds seem to swirl with thoughts as we try to comprehend what has been going on. From what you've written, you and I (and many others here) have a lot in common.  First, we have the "light bulb" moment when we found out about BPD - and it explained so much.

I suggest you read the boards and the articles.  You will get a wealth of information, advice and support. Reading the posts of others has helped many of us not feel like we are alone in all of this.

You mentioned that you need to get yourself and head in a good space before you can even think about helping your marriage. The good news is that by taking care of yourself, you are helping your marriage! Here is some information that may be of interest to you/you may find helpful/to help you get started: Wisemind .

The really short version of what is discussed in the link is learning to think with a healthy balance of emotion and cognitive thought. Being able to do that is really helpful in dealing with these situations.

Ask any questions you wish. There are many kind and compassionate people here with a wide range of experience, advice, and support to give.

I look forward to hearing more about your story.