Where is the best help for BPD in the UK? The NHS has failed us for four years.

[marmalade28]

Is this site predominantly USA based? I need to try and get help in the UK. I've been to a psychiatrist with my husband, who (and I'm in total agreement with him), was quite curt and unhelpful. He ended up hating her, and I wasn't keen myself. He's been through CBT (in my opinion this is way to 'mild' for the type of problems he has). It did identify black and white thinking, which he worked on for a bit, but now it's all forgotten as you only get a max of 6 weeks. As is commonly known, the NHS in England is at breaking point. I don't think we can afford to go privately, and we are now separated as the verbal abuse became too much for me, but I don't know where to turn. The last time he tried to get help when we were together, his GP told him 'you've been through the system', and he left feeling stupid and angry - which I empathise with. I have known my husband for 37 years, albeit we've had children with other partners during that time. He always had problems as a child; his father as very abusive to him. I know my husband loves me, but the way he speaks to me, and the outright daily criticisms of my personality have absolutely crushed me. I think I am very emotionally switched on, but am aware I have my own sensitivities. I believe in telling a white lie to spare somebody's feelings; he thinks you should just say how you feel regardless and doesn't seem to be able to control this whatsoever with me. It is interesting that he has always managed to control his anger around our respective children. He is very aware he has rejection issues. He was never diagnosed while in therapy, but borderline 'traits' were mentioned (he has never self harmed which denied him DBT which I think would have been greatly beneficial at a time when he was willing to try and get help). He smokes cannabis on an almost daily basis, it seems to calm him down, but I can see paranoia there also. I am now beginning to question my own sanity in staying with him but I feel I simply can't just walk away, so maybe I have problems too. I have two teenagers, a dog, two cats and a business to run, but he says i never have time for him. All of these things were in my life when he 'entered it' again. I don't really know what I'm asking for here, but I can't stop crying and I don't know where to turn.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Azrimic]

I'm sorry to hear you have both been left a bit high and dry.  It does sound like DBT would be helpful for your husband - it is something he should still have access to without the self harming history (by the way, the list of what counts as self harm is HUGE, so maybe you can wangle him through that one on a technicality).  Try contacting MIND - they should at least be able to point you in the right direction for someone who can actually help properly.  It might also help to push for a diagnosis - DBT is the generally accepted therapy for BPD, here in the UK at least.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome marmalade28:

I'm so sorry you are having a tough time getting help for your husband.  I can understand why you are very distressed.  I don't want to overwhelm you with links, but I think that some self-help DBP material could be helpful.  Some of the links below lead to suggested skills to help handle distress (might be a good place to start).  If you husband is willing, it could be possible to help guide him through the material, as if he were in formal DBT therapy.  

The DBT Self-Help Website has a lot of resources to check out.  The links below to, "Improve the Moment, "Panic List" and "Finding Alternate Thoughts" could offer some immediate help.

DBT SELF-HELP WEBSITE
www.dbtselfhelp.com

IMPROVE THE MOMENT WORKSHEET
www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/improve_the_moment_worksheet.html

PANIC LIST
www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/panic_list.html

FINDING ALTERNATE THOUGHTS
www.dbtselfhelp.com/FindingAlternativeThoughts.pdf

The link below relates to a book on DBT skills - ":)BT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets", by Marsha M. Linehan.  There are several lessons at her website. Perhaps you could assist your husband and guide him through the lessons.  It seems to be geared to weekly lessons.  There is mention at this website about a Facebook group that goes through the lessons. There are plenty of links to helpful things at this website.

DBT SKILLS TRAINING
https://dbtskillstraining.wordpress.com/