Hi True warrior, thanks for sharing your situation. So many members here will understand what you're going through, and how it can be confusing and difficult to know what is a wise path forward.
This part of your post stood out to me:
So after the letter and still my silence she wrote me a msg ( we may not speak again in physical but in spiritual you the one who loves me the most .the highest grade .you are a true warrior who protected her queen .you will always be remembered for what you have done for me and my children . Thank you ) .
And then she made her profile on insta private , deleted following and stayed silent .
I can see that she is a human too and have compassion. I heard from my sister there was a discussion about me and someone was saying something about me but she intervene and stop them and said . He is a good man , it's me and my shadows which played the role . On other occassion I heard she said I have a good heart .
But but but she has a new partner now . I havnt even solved the mystery yet , and was still hopefully. Wanted to send her a msg of acknowledgement for her efforts to write the letter , reaching out and i appreciate and want leave it to that msg and continue my journey .
And to be honest I love her . She is a very aware woman but it seems she herself is struggling with her own disorder , she had been honest .
The parts I highlighted above seem to tell this story:
(After the two of you were together for about 2 years, with ups and downs):
she writes to you that she thinks you two probably won't speak again physically
she says a gracious "thank you for everything and goodbye"
she sets her social media to private and goes quiet
she has a new relationship
you are feeling a desire to reach out with your own message to her
To me, that story is certainly sad -- any time a relationship ends, it is a loss, and a real loss to grieve -- and it is, remarkably, one of the kindest, most obvious and clear-cut "ending" stories I've seen here.
It certainly makes sense to me that you loved her and still feel love for her. Based on her actions while breaking up, she seems to have kind qualities. Of course you cared for her, and appreciated those things about her. BPD relationships aren't all negative, for sure.
It does seem unambiguous to me, from this side of the computer screen, that she was pretty clear about being done and moving on.
I wonder if the best way to honor what the two of you had together, would be to respect her clear message, value it for the gift that it is, and honor her memory by "letting her" have the closing word?
Hard to say -- but my suspicion is that there is something you still want or need or feel like you want to hear or be acknowledged from her. If she's in a new relationship, old partners showing up with needs might not land very well. Not replying is sounding like the strong move right now, though if you did choose to send something, if you were asking me what to say, I'd probably suggest
very brief, and
very like her tone: "Thank you so much for your kind message and for all the good you brought to my life. I wish you all the best in you journey forward. Warmly, True warrior"
The feeling of wanting to solve the mystery is your feeling, not hers, to manage. It may be uncomfortable... but it's a path you can choose to set out on, on your own -- holding that kind "thank you and goodbye" in your heart, not needing her to do or be anything else for you, finding the closure and answers you seek, inside of yourself, where they probably are hidden.
Lots of stuff to think about... anything resonating with you?
Above all, I wonder if you can create time in your life to
grieve the ending of those dreams, and put them to rest. With kindness, and gratitude, and finality, and strength.
