An episode for uBPDw where she is totally calm, cold and in control

[olafinski]

Hi,
52 yo partner of an uBPD wife 50yo in perimenopause. Together for 18 years, one step-son 25, one son 14.
I am experiencing a new thing - and episode with divorce threat, but my wife is fully in control or at least seems to be.
She is talking the ussual trash and conspiracy theories and false "truths" as she always does, but there is no emotional outburst, yelling etc. Isn't interested in my point of view, dismisses everything I say as ussual. But it is all different somehow, controled and cold.
Anyone else witnessed something like this? This kind of change of behaviour.

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[once removed]

it sounds like a certain coldness has replaced some of the volatility youve been used to.

can I ask, what about this change is hitting you hardest right now? is it the threat of divorce? the unpredictability? the fact that your usual responses aren't landing the same way?

there might be something to pull apart here, and wed be glad to help if you want to dig into it.

[olafinski]

Hi, sorry for late response, been busy. But the post is still valid as the same continues.
What worries me about this new pattern (cold instead of agitated) is that somehow I feel that is would be more possible for her to actually file for divorce in this state of mind.

[hiiumaa]

Hi there,

I remember similiar „cold“ phases with my bpd/npd partner. It did not happen so often, but I remember how strange it felt for me.

I was in contact with a specialist for bpd for a while and she explained to me, that it is probably a defense like acting out caused by strong inner tendsion. Maybe a dissociative condition. They try to control inner pain.

It‘s possible, that the person with bpd explodes like a vulcano one day. Or it just switches back to a „everything is fine“ state.