Update 14 months after

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Update 14 months after:

Short abstract: I had a LDR with a girl BPD for 2.5 years, she was married (divorced for me) with a 3y old kid and she falled in love for me in 24h after 1st meeting. She have mild BPD, very beautiful and smart girl. The lovestory was almost all the time a long honeymoon with some red flags that I ignored. One day she was stressed and I told her: "We should wait before we move to live together"; she had panic attack and perceived abandon. From that day she changed TOTALLY and she closed with me 1 week after. Few days after she found a new partner (remember that like remora need shark to survive pwBPD need a person to survive, but the shark it's not unique, it could be changed fast to supply her/his needs).

What I did from that day: First 2-4 months were very hard, then reading the forum and with time things improved a lot. I started new path in my life that helped me: meditation. It help to stay focused on present and to control emotions and mind. I can write 2 sentence that I love:
" The biggest source of happiness and love are ourselves. When your happiness depends on objetcs or someone else you will be always slave of these and to what happen to these external sources." The path to learn and develop this is long but helpful and bright. And I think that everybody had a expwBPD can understand this sentece.
"If a person really love you it's important what she/he makes to show that NOT what she/he says." If my exgfBPD really loved me she couldn't close without a reason. She loved me in dysfunctional way, strongly but ephemeral and unstable.

Today:
I live my life completely. Rarely (3-4 months) I wrote few msgs on phone to my ex (obv she is emotionally distant). I still thing about my ex often (almost every 2 days) and I undestood that I love her strongly and probably it will be forever. Some days are not easy but with time theme are decreasing substantially (my dreams or toughts sometimes would like that we could be still together). My ability to love one person make me proud and I learned  to love myself (the person that deserve more your love is yourself). Today I noticed that she is engaged and she will have 2nd kid (she asked me lot of times but luckily my istinct and long distance between us saved me). After noticed that some unpleasant sensations envelop my body and I wanted that after they will be unhappy.

Now after 2 hours I realize that anyway I love her strongly, and exactly for this reason I wish her to find happiness (it's what everybody search), and I'm grateful to met her bec with her I spent amazing time, she was the most beautiful girl that I had, and she indirectly helped me to search a more healty path and future for myself and I hope like everybody to reach total, real and stable happiness one day, I'm working on that.

[FraFra85]

Update 14 months after:

Short abstract: I had a LDR with a girl BPD for 2.5 years, she was married (divorced for me) with a 3y old kid and she falled in love for me in 24h after 1st meeting. She have mild BPD, very beautiful and smart girl. The lovestory was almost all the time a long honeymoon with some red flags that I ignored. One day she was stressed and I told her: "We should wait before we move to live together"; she had panic attack and perceived abandon. From that day she changed TOTALLY and she closed with me 1 week after. Few days after she found a new partner (remember that like remora need shark to survive pwBPD need a person to survive, but the shark it's not unique, it could be changed fast to supply her/his needs).

What I did from that day: First 2-4 months were very hard, then reading the forum and with time things improved a lot. I started new path in my life that helped me: meditation. It help to stay focused on present and to control emotions and mind. I can write 2 sentence that I love:
" The biggest source of happiness and love are ourselves. When your happiness depends on objetcs or someone else you will be always slave of these and to what happen to these external sources." The path to learn and develop this is long but helpful and bright. And I think that everybody had a expwBPD can understand this sentece.
"If a person really love you it's important what she/he makes to show that NOT what she/he says." If my exgfBPD really loved me she couldn't close without a reason. She loved me in dysfunctional way, strongly but ephemeral and unstable.

Today:
I live my life completely. Rarely (3-4 months) I wrote few msgs on phone to my ex (obv she is emotionally distant). I still thing about my ex often (almost every 2 days) and I undestood that I love her strongly and probably it will be forever. Some days are not easy but with time theme are decreasing substantially (my dreams or toughts sometimes would like that we could be still together). My ability to love one person make me proud and I learned  to love myself (the person that deserve more your love is yourself). Today I noticed that she is engaged and she will have 2nd kid (she asked me lot of times but luckily my istinct and long distance between us saved me). After noticed that some unpleasant sensations envelop my body and I wanted that after they will be unhappy.

Now after 2 hours I realize that anyway I love her strongly, and exactly for this reason I wish her to find happiness (it's what everybody search), and I'm grateful to met her bec with her I spent amazing time, she was the most beautiful girl that I had, and she indirectly helped me to search a more healty path and future for myself and I hope like everybody to reach total, real and stable happiness one day, I'm working on that.

[Soulcrushed4]

Sounds like a positive journey you are on!

Happy to hear you are in a place to wish her well.

[Shedd]

This is so sweet.  I too think that about my ex.  She was the most beautiful girl in the world and I was able to show her what it felt like to be truly loved.  i think we both changed each other's lives to help each other for the better even if it means we can't be together.  I always just wanted her to be happy even if it wasn't with me.  I still struggle with it every day because I know what she's going through and I want to be the one to comfort her, but alas I cannot. 

I have learned to make myself happy.  Do things that I want to do.  I feel like a completely different person.  I have learned how to control my emotions which she taught me how to do. The journey of loving her has changed me for the better and I wouldn't have asked for anything else.

Even if I can never find love again she gave me such a hug gift even if it was in a negative light.  I've come out of this relationship so strong.  I hope one day she comes back into my life, but for now we both need to figure ourselves out.  I think she is my angel.

[FraFra85]

I lie if I don't say that a part of me (that is little) want that her wedding and new story will fail, so I have the proof that she doesn't change. This is the part of me that still dream and wish to be with her again and come back under her spell in her world that is different from reality, it's a tale. Rationally and with my actual knowledge I know that this is wrong, but sometimes emotions bring me there.

I love her very strongly I can honestly wish her good and positive thoughts and to myself too.
This story changed my life in positive way but also showed me my dark side, and now I have to fight with my issues if I want a better life or like lot of people do (especially pwBPD) search for replacement and attach and forget for some times all, if I'll be lucky could be right solution... .Or I have to climb my mountain, fight and learn how to solve my problems and improve like a person, hard path.

Now I'm more thoughtful: I'm asking to myself what I want for myself and what could make me happy... .Not short term happiness or peaks of emotions followed but sufferance... .This is typical of external sources of happiness and especially for dysfunctional relationships. I felt like in paradise and after in hell.
Some monks that are studied in university seem to be the most happy people in world. They say that it's not family, career, partners that make life more happy.
Lot of pleasures make us happy in the same moment but theme are vulnerable.  Why some people are happy and some depressed in almost the same situation? It depends on how mind translate the reality, how the mind is able to control emotions. More positive thoughts and love we have in our mind and more we'll be happy. I'm still not sure that this will work for me but I'm at beginning  of this path while I'm also doing others like searching another girl that I really like and not just a random one. I'm at the base of my mountain and I started to climb... .

Shedd how long ago did you closed with your partner?