Partner threatening divorce, not sure what to do

[Tripler]

Starting off by saying that I love my pwBPD and do not want them to go. There is a matter of issues that I was working on fixing but pwBPD is threatening divorce and started moving out the other week. I recognize I am not perfect, but I am also not what they're trying to make me out to be. They are splitting on me and have gone to the point of contacting my distant family about it, let alone our close friends. I am lost on what to do because I'm normally the person that calms them down when they do this to our friends, but I don't know how to proceed when I'm inside the storm.

Help and guidance is much needed

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ForeverDad]

Threatening divorce is not a small matter.  It may start as words in moments of emotional upset but it strikes deep at whatever trust there is in the relationship.  Because once threatened, it is more likely for it to happen again.  As has been observed here before regarding general issues, "If it has been threatened or even contemplated, it will happen given enough time."

Of course that course of spiraling down can be diverted.  Have you tried counseling?  The problem is that people with BPD traits (pwBPD), diagnosed or not, do tend to resist therapy... there is just so much Denial, Projection, Blaming and Blame Shifting.

We all have seen that our own efforts are too often not enough to make progress.  A major reason is that BPD traits are most evident and most impacting in close relationships.  Someone in occasional contact or on the periphery may only note that the other is a bit "off" and so therefore won't be impacted much.  However, you're in constant contact and they can get sensitized to you though no fault of your own.  It's as though they can't truly listen to you through the emotional baggage of the close relationship.  This is precise where an experienced and emotionally neutral expert may be of help.