BPD mom

[Ellen Lynn]

My mom has destroyed the lives of me, my siblings, and dad. She is now 81 and suffers from dementia, but that doesn't stop her still going into rages. We can't put her in a nursing home because it's $15,000 a month. This will wipe out my dad's savings in less than a year, then they'll go after his home. I go over their home after work for about 3 hours. My brother and sister do weekends. This is to give our father a break. He's an incredible dad, and we thank God for him. She has made our lives a living hell. She constantly goes back to her past, and how bad it was. She repeats the same thing over and over again. We have to bite our tongues because if we question her she goes crazy, and then when we leave our dad is stuck with her. I feel like I've lived in a scary movie all my life. To make matter worse, I lost my husband suddenly last year. This is a nightmare!

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome Ellen Lynn:  

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your husband.      Now you have the difficult situation with your mom added to your grief/stress.  That's a lot to handle.

Both my parents passed a couple of years ago, so I know how hard the situation can be.  The medical, financial and care giving situations can be overwhelming. How is your mom's health, other than dementia and mental illness?

Is it possible to hire someone to come in and help periodically, if only a few days a week? Do you live in the US?

It has to be a tough situation for you and your family.  I know that dementia, in and of itself can cause combative behavior, so mixing that with a personality disorder can be double trouble.  I recently read about a situation where someone had a relative with dementia. This person had forgotten why the were angry with a relative, but they managed to remember that they were angry.

I'm glad that your dad is incredible.  How are you getting along with your siblings?  Your situation can put a strain no relationships.  Anyone else in the family have traits of a personality disorder?