Ended Finally With A Restraining Order

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the events over the last few months. Right after Thanksgiving my BPD girlfriend informed me she had been forgetting to take her depression medication. She asked me if she could give it a try - see if she was healthy enough to stop since they had reduced her dosage by half last year. Now I was reluctant - and she saw this and promised if any symptom came up she would restart. Two weeks later she had her first rage fit.  I had received a phone call from a friend on my cell while everyone was still in bed that morning.  When I heard her in the shower - I waited to tell her how wonderful my conversation went since it was going to be beneficial to my business.  When I went to our room to tell her - she slammed the bathroom door in my face.  I said "hey you closed the door!" And chuckled.  She snapped back "deal with it!"  I was shocked.  So I asked if she was upset with me and yes she was.  She ranted all about how I ignored her message she sent to my phone. Now I have never ignored her - in fact by now I was your typical walk on eggshells - a dishrag of my formal self to keep her calm - resemblance of a person. 

For the next 6 weeks her anger was constant 6 out of 7 days a week. I reached my end in January when she again refused to return to her medication even after seeing her Dr. I told her we had to discuss our relationship.  She raged. Furniture overturned - throwing things around the room - screaming in my face.  I had enough.  I needed to think.  I told her I was taking space to figure out who the heck I was.  I booked a plane ticket 2500 miles away to see an old friend. For the four days before my trip - she was a kitten.  I cried leaving her - thinking I had made a mistake - she was getting better.

Four days after my return - another argument - this time it was her favorite fight to pick - my kids.  She loved to find fault with one of them - depending on the day. I put my foot down as their mom. I told her I was the final say and would not change my mind on parenting decisions. That caused another rage. At this point I went cold. I told her this living situation wasn't working and she needed to find an apartment.  She laughed at me. I told her I could get paperwork to evict.  She then close range threw things at my head while spewing hateful words. I called the police.  At this point I was afraid of her as it was not my first time needing to call them.

She objected to the order and our hearing was rapid. The local domestic violence center scrambled and helped me obtain a lawyer.  She was in court with her ex GF and I was surrounded by amazing support. The judge found the two instances I called for police help were in fact abuse - assault and interference with freedom. Long story short the judge stated she repeatedly minimized her actions and could not seem able to judge her emotions and reactions.  I have a one year NC! 

She comes with police this Saturday to move her items from my home (a lot of things as she's a pack rat). I am so close to complete freedom. It's been almost a month now.

I am having trouble sleeping many nights. I wake every couple hours and have to remember that I'm not with her and whatever scene I was replaying is just a memory.  I'm slowly gaining energy - and I haven't missed her.  I have not romanticized the last 3 years.  I feel I never knew her. These episodes happened medication or not. They were just far more extreme without the meds.

I'm certain since I exposed her she won't overstep and seems to be adhering to the law - which is one thing I knew she would.  I really feel she will have moved on - since I'm the bad guy to her kids and one friend (her ex) - she is more concerned with what they think of her to try and come back.  I pray anyway.

[bauers220]

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the events over the last few months. Right after Thanksgiving my BPD girlfriend informed me she had been forgetting to take her depression medication. She asked me if she could give it a try - see if she was healthy enough to stop since they had reduced her dosage by half last year. Now I was reluctant - and she saw this and promised if any symptom came up she would restart. Two weeks later she had her first rage fit.  I had received a phone call from a friend on my cell while everyone was still in bed that morning.  When I heard her in the shower - I waited to tell her how wonderful my conversation went since it was going to be beneficial to my business.  When I went to our room to tell her - she slammed the bathroom door in my face.  I said "hey you closed the door!" And chuckled.  She snapped back "deal with it!"  I was shocked.  So I asked if she was upset with me and yes she was.  She ranted all about how I ignored her message she sent to my phone. Now I have never ignored her - in fact by now I was your typical walk on eggshells - a dishrag of my formal self to keep her calm - resemblance of a person. 

For the next 6 weeks her anger was constant 6 out of 7 days a week. I reached my end in January when she again refused to return to her medication even after seeing her Dr. I told her we had to discuss our relationship.  She raged. Furniture overturned - throwing things around the room - screaming in my face.  I had enough.  I needed to think.  I told her I was taking space to figure out who the heck I was.  I booked a plane ticket 2500 miles away to see an old friend. For the four days before my trip - she was a kitten.  I cried leaving her - thinking I had made a mistake - she was getting better.

Four days after my return - another argument - this time it was her favorite fight to pick - my kids.  She loved to find fault with one of them - depending on the day. I put my foot down as their mom. I told her I was the final say and would not change my mind on parenting decisions. That caused another rage. At this point I went cold. I told her this living situation wasn't working and she needed to find an apartment.  She laughed at me. I told her I could get paperwork to evict.  She then close range threw things at my head while spewing hateful words. I called the police.  At this point I was afraid of her as it was not my first time needing to call them.

She objected to the order and our hearing was rapid. The local domestic violence center scrambled and helped me obtain a lawyer.  She was in court with her ex GF and I was surrounded by amazing support. The judge found the two instances I called for police help were in fact abuse - assault and interference with freedom. Long story short the judge stated she repeatedly minimized her actions and could not seem able to judge her emotions and reactions.  I have a one year NC! 

She comes with police this Saturday to move her items from my home (a lot of things as she's a pack rat). I am so close to complete freedom. It's been almost a month now.

I am having trouble sleeping many nights. I wake every couple hours and have to remember that I'm not with her and whatever scene I was replaying is just a memory.  I'm slowly gaining energy - and I haven't missed her.  I have not romanticized the last 3 years.  I feel I never knew her. These episodes happened medication or not. They were just far more extreme without the meds.

I'm certain since I exposed her she won't overstep and seems to be adhering to the law - which is one thing I knew she would.  I really feel she will have moved on - since I'm the bad guy to her kids and one friend (her ex) - she is more concerned with what they think of her to try and come back.  I pray anyway.

[heartandwhole]

Hi bauers220,

That is some whirlwind of an ending you have described. Reading your experience, it felt to me like it all happened so fast, even though it happened over months. I commend you for erecting a boundary and not allowing the abuse to escalate further. That was a brave and difficult step to take. 

I am having trouble sleeping many nights. I wake every couple hours and have to remember that I'm not with her and whatever scene I was replaying is just a memory.  I'm slowly gaining energy - and I haven't missed her.  I have not romanticized the last 3 years.  I feel I never knew her. These episodes happened medication or not. They were just far more extreme without the meds.

I can imagine that you are having sleepless nights. It sounds like the stress is still reverberating in your body and mind. With time, self-care, and processing, this will diminish. You have already come a long way in realizing that you can't sustain a relationship like this. 

Do you think the finality of her coming to get her stuff is bringing up some uncomfortable feelings?

heartandwhole

[bauers220]

Yes I am sure the finality is a bit unsettling. Some of this feels like trauma and processing.  The idea of her coming into my home - police or not is very unnerving. I have no idea if she's going to try and take things that belong in my home that we purchased together.  So not knowing her state of mind freaks me out. Will she cut her losses on things like my kitchen stove or will she try and insist it's hers - even if she doesn't take it - she could upset me just by making an issue of anything.  I've made sure I packed anything she gave me or my kids that she owned prior.  So yes.  Unnerving