My Mom May Have Some BPD Traits

[FreedomSeeker719]

I've been told now by 3 different mental health professionals that my mom may have some BPD traits. Over the past 5 years, I have begun a personal healing journey. This journey was not prompted by my mother nor did it have much at all (so I've thought) to do with her. However, in my baby steps of progress, my mom has strongly reacted to some of my personal changes, primarily regarding my self-care and me identifying my needs and taking action with my personal boundaries to meet rose needs.
It's been a process, but I have slowly backed away from the relationship. On Mother's Day 2016, I finally asked my mom to stop all contact. Now I feel my grief, confusion, and I've started seeing a trauma therapist to help me process through the traumas I've come to realize are affecting me in my relationship with my husband and my two daughters. This most recent therapist told me about the book Walking On Eggshells (or something like that). I ordered it tonight and got the introduction on Kindle. That is where I found the bpdfamily website. I'm new here, but I'm seeking clarity in my decisions about my boundaries and actions with my mother. I have a lot of compassion and forgiveness in my heart towards my mom, but I've noticed a pattern that I get triggered and spin out when I interact with her. So, I need space right now. I don't know how long I'll need it, it may be a few years or even forever, but I've got some healing to do and I'd love some freedom, as I seek my own recovery, around my questioning heart, "Am I doing the right thing?"

[gotbushels]

Hi FreedomSeeker719 

Welcome.

Receiving the strong responses your mother from personal changes regarding self-care can be hard. Sometimes when the non starts doing this sort of taking action, the beneficiary of the previous behaviour will start acting out.

Reducing contact with a parent can be distressing and saddening. Emotions can often feel like an unfamiliar mixed bag. I would feel these ways too if I did the same thing.

I commend your seeing a trauma therapist to help you process this difficulty. This is especially commendable as you are interested in improving your relationship with your husband and two daughters. This site is a useful adjunct to therapy--particularly because of the collection of persons involved with pwBPDs.

I look forward to your sharing more of your journey as well as your comments on Walking On Eggshells. I wish you peace in your recovery. 

[allthesame]

Welcome FreedomSeeker719,

I'm newer here as well and in a very similar situation.  I've also cut all contact with my mother and am seeing a therapist to help me deal with the emotions and begin to heal.

I struggle almost daily with if I'm doing the right thing or not.  It has helped that my friends, some family, and my therapist think I'm doing the healthiest best choice for my own well being... .I just tend to be such a people pleaser that it feels almost selfish of me and I have to convince myself almost daily that it isn't and that I'm doing what is best for me to build a healthier foundation for my future.

I'm not sure if/when I'll ever want to have contact with her... .in my situation it was actually caused by her calling me out of the blue and telling me she was done with me and blaming me for everything and saying she is done with it all... .took her a month to try reaching out to me again and then passive aggressive to plain aggressive forms of contacting after that... .that forced me to realize, I'm actually the one who is done feeling that way and that I'm better off without the constant pressure and abuse.

There are some really helpful links to the right, survivors guide, I'm still working my way through it all... .feel free to message me if you want to talk through the guilt any more as I really know how it feels.

For what it's worth, I think it's great you are seeking help for yourself and your family.