Ok, does anyone else deal with THIS?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I keep thinking of things to ask. I feel like finding this board has been like discovering a magical universe where people speak my language and understand my situation for the first time!

I am really not sure if this is a BPD thing, or if this is just MY pwBPD. He wants and expects me to adhere to a fairly rigid routine. For example, we see each other on Mondays/Wednesdays/Fridays. And he wants this to apply no matter what. He HATES when I text to confirm, or if I heaven forbid "ask" if he is planning on it, and heaven forbid life happens and I can't be there one of these days I can expect to spend the rest of my night fielding butt hurt texts. The part that I don't understand for the life of me is how ANGRY he can get when I am trying to confirm plans. "Of course you are welcome, why don't you think you're welcome, I don't understand your thinking, that's YOUR internal bull___, don't PUT that on ME!" (In response to: "Hey, ok to visit tonight? I'll make dinner... ."

I mean, I just don't get it. Is this a control thing? I can't think of a single other person in my life who gets upset when I ask if our plans are still on! And I think he finds it comforting to know and plan on the days when he will have my companionship, but it strikes me as another really unusual, dysfunctional aspect of this relationship.

Anyone else?

[Lalathegreat]

I keep thinking of things to ask. I feel like finding this board has been like discovering a magical universe where people speak my language and understand my situation for the first time!

I am really not sure if this is a BPD thing, or if this is just MY pwBPD. He wants and expects me to adhere to a fairly rigid routine. For example, we see each other on Mondays/Wednesdays/Fridays. And he wants this to apply no matter what. He HATES when I text to confirm, or if I heaven forbid "ask" if he is planning on it, and heaven forbid life happens and I can't be there one of these days I can expect to spend the rest of my night fielding butt hurt texts. The part that I don't understand for the life of me is how ANGRY he can get when I am trying to confirm plans. "Of course you are welcome, why don't you think you're welcome, I don't understand your thinking, that's YOUR internal bull___, don't PUT that on ME!" (In response to: "Hey, ok to visit tonight? I'll make dinner... ."

I mean, I just don't get it. Is this a control thing? I can't think of a single other person in my life who gets upset when I ask if our plans are still on! And I think he finds it comforting to know and plan on the days when he will have my companionship, but it strikes me as another really unusual, dysfunctional aspect of this relationship.

Anyone else?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Lala, Yes, I think it's about control.  Presumably your attempts to confirm trigger his fear of abandonment, which is expressed as anger.  Doesn't matter whether it's rational or reasonable because those wBPD are ruled by their emotions.  You're right, no other friend would have such an extreme reaction, but that's because they don't have BPD.

LuckyJim