Intractable

[mentalize]

Greetings,
My wife suffers cPTSD and perhaps BPD as well, although she would deny it fervently. I feel trapped and alone and I don't know how to both support and love her consistently and also protect myself from emotional abuse. She seems incapable of seeing what I see: her disease affects her (and me, of course) far more than she realizes.
We both are very active in our therapeutic growth and work, but it doesn't really seem to get at what I perceive to be the core problem. When I have tried to address her illness with her, I am generally met with extreme resistance, defensiveness, hostility. It's brutal. I feel that it is unsafe to voice my opinions and feelings about certain things.
Thanks for reading. I appreciate any advice folks might wish to share.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[infjEpic]

Hi mentalize



I'm sorry to hear this.

When I have tried to address her illness with her, I am generally met with extreme resistance, defensiveness, hostility. It's brutal. I feel that it is unsafe to voice my opinions and feelings about certain things.

We do not recommend that you tell a loved one that you suspect that they have Borderline Personality Disorder.

We may think that our loved one will rush into therapy to conquer their demons, but this usually doesn't happen. 

Instead, this is difficult advice to receive and more likely to sound critical and shaming (e.g., you are defective) and incite defensiveness, and break down the relationship trust. 

You may find these article helpful:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-to-get-borderline-into-therapy

https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves

Keep posting, we are here for you.