Ex hasn't changed.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hi,
I broke up with my non BPD girlfriend this weekend,  it hurts but I'll survive
In her anger and pain, she decided to contact my BPD ex girlfriend! Don't know why but she did and then proceeded to forward the email to me!
Wow!
My BPD ex told her I was a manipulative bully.
That I had tried to break her arms.
That I had tried to strangle her.
That I had knocked her unconscious by slamming her head in a glass door because I was jealous.
I was a disgusting human being.
I used her as a sex toy.  
Just horrible horrible things.
These things didn't happen. It's just delusional. A complete different reality.
Now,  I'm not surprised by this smear to my personality,  it just proves I WAS RIGHT in my perception of the relationship at the end.  It wasn't all in my head and I WAS RIGHT in believing she was disordered.
She is still a nasty vicious person living in a disordered world.  That is her reality.
It stings a little that someone can say such things about me but in reality,  I know it's not true so sod it and sod her!
She hasn't changed.  Still nasty and evil and thank the gods I'm not in that relationship any more!
My non BPD ex, well,  she was told that if she contacted her I'd never speak with her again.  
She's angry and in pain and I understand this.  
Your BPD ex will not change.  The nastiness and vindictiveness and downright crappy person that they are will always be there.
Thank your gods you are out of that relationship.
I feel sorry for my new exgirlfriend,  she now thinks she has a confidante and she's just being fed lies.
BPD!  The disorder that just keeps on giving!

[Naddred369]

Hi,
I broke up with my non BPD girlfriend this weekend,  it hurts but I'll survive
In her anger and pain, she decided to contact my BPD ex girlfriend! Don't know why but she did and then proceeded to forward the email to me!
Wow!
My BPD ex told her I was a manipulative bully.
That I had tried to break her arms.
That I had tried to strangle her.
That I had knocked her unconscious by slamming her head in a glass door because I was jealous.
I was a disgusting human being.
I used her as a sex toy.  
Just horrible horrible things.
These things didn't happen. It's just delusional. A complete different reality.
Now,  I'm not surprised by this smear to my personality,  it just proves I WAS RIGHT in my perception of the relationship at the end.  It wasn't all in my head and I WAS RIGHT in believing she was disordered.
She is still a nasty vicious person living in a disordered world.  That is her reality.
It stings a little that someone can say such things about me but in reality,  I know it's not true so sod it and sod her!
She hasn't changed.  Still nasty and evil and thank the gods I'm not in that relationship any more!
My non BPD ex, well,  she was told that if she contacted her I'd never speak with her again.  
She's angry and in pain and I understand this.  
Your BPD ex will not change.  The nastiness and vindictiveness and downright crappy person that they are will always be there.
Thank your gods you are out of that relationship.
I feel sorry for my new exgirlfriend,  she now thinks she has a confidante and she's just being fed lies.
BPD!  The disorder that just keeps on giving!

[GuySmiley]

Yeah, I was manipulative, controlling and violent too.

Except I wasn't. Not close. Nowhere near close.

Only time I could have been considered controlling is when I tried to set boundaries for her to not hang out with the people she'd cheated on me with. That didn't go down, she doesn't like personal responsibility you see, so we split soon after.

And that's when she told people I was violent to her. Didn't specify, just general violence. Never once, not once was I ever violent towards her. I've never raised my hand to anyone and I hope I never will. Not in my nature.

Long story short, 15 years after her running out of her flat screaming I was being violent towards her I mention this to her. Funny, she can't remember it happening. All this 'violence' I'd inflicted? All those accusations that left me distraught and trying to explain to people we knew that I'd never done such a thing. Nope, doesn't ring a bell to her. You'd kind of think you'd remember if someone was violent towards you, wouldn't you?

Just an absolute crank.

They're all the same.

[Naddred369]

They have to justify the bad behaviour anyway they can.
So, we become disgusting human beings
(her words).
It just validates what I have been saying and thinking and feeling.
Her reality is not my reality.  I am learning, growing,  changing and healing.  
She is just blaming and making excuses.  
Ive been NC for 4 years and I'm glad I still am.  

[Gear Jammer]

LOL sounds like your current ex is a little nuts as well  Its why I live the single life, after I've been with the BPD every other woman I've met has triggered the crazy meter. I have no desire to get involved with women most of them have issues its not worth it.

I imagine my ex has slagged me and tried to ruin my name to make herself look better. You can't fix crazy they will never change I'm glad she's gone. Mine claimed I used to intimidate her I "supposedly" scared her I never laid a hand on her.

I could careless if I ever get involved with another woman in the end us guys end up losing. Life is better living it alone you don't need a woman in your life.

[Stripey77]

GearJammer,

May I remind you that there are plenty of women using this site, who have been at the receiving end of a BPD relationship with a man. And we can actually see these comments, just in case you were wondering. I'm sorry you've been through the mill, as have we all, surely, otherwise none of us would be here. But I find your comments about 'most women having issues'  and 'us guys end up losing in the end' not just offensive in their sweeping generality, but utterly inaccurate! Every one of us here on this board lost out in the end, in some way, did we not?  That's why we're here looking for help and support, not people creating division and negativity with blatant sexism.  Going by your logic, you seem to think this issue only affects men, that women are to blame for all your romantic failures, that the problem is basically women as a whole. Do you think that only men get their hearts broken and only only men have suffered as a result of a failed relationship?  I feel sorry for you if that's how you think, you're no doubt missing out on getting to know some wonderful people by automatically discounting half the population.

BPD is NOT a man v woman disorder and this is most certainly not a 'men agains women' forum.  It seems to me that if these are the kind of thoughts you carry around in your head about women in general, BPD or not, then no bl**dy wonder you've failed to find someone to share a happy life with. What a negative, horrible way to talk about us.  I could so easily counter your argument with saying that 'most men have issues' - because believe me I've met some very badly broken men in my time, as have all of the lovely women in my life. Conversely, I have male friends who have had loony tunes women they've become entangled with.   But why be so derisory about the opposite sex, due to a one or maybe a few bad experiences?  You seem to be writing us off in our entirety as if we all speak and act for each other, with a simple wave of the hand.

You are quite wrong to say 'you don't need a woman in your life'.  We all - all - need one another, men and women alike.

[FallenOne]

LOL sounds like your current ex is a little nuts as well  Its why I live the single life, after I've been with the BPD every other woman I've met has triggered the crazy meter. I have no desire to get involved with women most of them have issues its not worth it.

I imagine my ex has slagged me and tried to ruin my name to make herself look better. You can't fix crazy they will never change I'm glad she's gone. Mine claimed I used to intimidate her I "supposedly" scared her I never laid a hand on her.

I could careless if I ever get involved with another woman in the end us guys end up losing. Life is better living it alone you don't need a woman in your life.

Dude... .You sound so negative... I realize we have all been through some serious sh!t but come on... You can't generalize like that.

[Sadly]

Oops, we have been here before, in fact I got a right b*llocking that time.

Gearjammer
Sorry, your'e out of order mate, bang out of order. Sorry you are hurting so much you feel the need to hate all women to this extent but Fallenone is dead right. This isn't the place for such hatred and disdain. I am sad ALL women in your life have made you feel this way. Possibly you may benefit from some self examination too.
Play nice

[heartandwhole]

The goals of the message boards are personal growth, healing, and education. Please keep these goals and the site guidelines in mind when posting. This thread has been locked due to the following guideline violations:
 

2.6 Over generalizing: There are many similarities in the experiences of people involved in high conflict relationships. And, when we feel emotionally wounded, we often look for vindication and validation to sooth our pain. It's easy to buy too far into this "soothing" and lose sight of our role in the conflict and struggles -- and when we do, healing and growth come slowly.

Avoid excessive use of blanket statements like "they all lie?" or posing blanket questions like "why do they all cheat?" or "what were we thinking?". It's healthier to keep your explorations and comments in the first person by phrasing things as "why did my girlfriend lie?", "why did my boyfriend cheat?", And "what was I thinking?".

Personality disorders and traits have a broad spectrum of expression and every relationship dynamic is unique, just as each of us are unique.
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