Welcome Arwen22: I'm sorry for the situation with your husband. It's easy to understand that it is exhausting and anxiety-producing for you. I'm glad he is in therapy and classes, and that he is doing much better. How old are your children?
I have read Stop Walking on Eggshells and, while I have learned a lot about communication, the problems persist. Even though he is much more regulated than he has been in the past, the constant low-level symptoms are exhausting and anxiety-producing. Every day I wonder if this will be the day that he falls apart again
What low-level symptoms are you dealing with? What would you likely be dealing with if he "falls apart again"? If you are able to share some examples, perhaps we can suggest some specific skills/techniques that might be helpful.
I am not attracted to him, and I'm questioning whether or not I still love him. Even though the kids love their dad, they are scared to tell him things about schoolwork or chores because they are afraid he will get "mad" at them.
Is it possible for you to get some therapy to discuss things and explore your options?
If you go to the large green band at the top of the page, you will find a "tools" menu. That can be a good place to start checking out some tools. Perhaps you may have read about some of them in "Stop Walking on Egg Shells". The lessons on Boundaries and Don't Invalidate can be a good starting place.
We look forward to hearing more of your story.
Take care