Series of BPD romances

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi everyone.
I am trying to figure out whats wrong with me. Reading all the available resources and the board stories for weeks now. So much similarities... .Helped much.

It started with the college.

1st uBPDxgf ceased contact out of the blue one day and I got my first major depression. A couple of years later, she had blumia, lost so much weight, therapy for years and finally got better and she turned out to a successfull lawyer. She even apologized what she had done to me ten years later.

2nd uBPDxgf was a witch. lots of push-pull during years. Proposed marriage and couple of months later dumped me out of the blue when we were happily having our holiday in a foreign country.
That was a traumatizing moment. I saw her attitude her mimics her face when she was telling me the "worst" things ive ever heard from someone.  I described the event as the devil got inside her.
That was an "unreal" experience and that time i tried to explain this with PD.
After some struggling i go NC but 3 years later she came back when i was engaged. Stalking, lies, lots of crying, begging, calling my fianceei, still proposing me marriage etc... .that was a hard time for me.

3rd uBPDxgf was my fiancee, push-pull was not so evident at time. but she dumped me 3 times and come back for 2. The last time she did that and finished the engegament i went NC and 6 months later she suicided.
Led me another major depression, feeling of guilt for years.

4th uBPDxgf was kinda love of my life. Everything was fine untill one day she dumped me by email out of the blue and married another guy in a couple of months. 2 years later i contacted her somehow and immediately she responded much more positively and she had an affair with me for 6 months. Best sex, best romance of my life. I was expecting her to divorce but she dumped me again this time looking to my eyes.
I realized the oddity of her behaviours at that time. Ive witnessed such a thing before. Dr. Jeykl, "the exorcist" thing. So horrible to see such a demenaour from a lovely cute lover.
She also mentioned about her "dark side" for the first time of our relationship.

After this i began to read and everything got much clear.

I consider myself as a healthy guy. Have a good stable job, good income. Have serious hobbies. Couple of old best friends. Dont think i have a serious psych problem however  Im kinda dystimic.
The euphoric phase of BPD relationship make me fell in love quickly i guess.
They are masters of mirroring , and guess what i crave for in a r/s is to be understood and they seem to provide this much faster than anyone else...

Hopefully i did not marry a BPD.  Reading all those stories, im sure that "honeymoon" phase would never been sustained with a such individual. I feel myself kinda lucky.

Just wanted to share my story.

Any recommendations are welcome.

Thx in advance.

[EmotionSucked]

Hi everyone.
I am trying to figure out whats wrong with me. Reading all the available resources and the board stories for weeks now. So much similarities... .Helped much.

It started with the college.

1st uBPDxgf ceased contact out of the blue one day and I got my first major depression. A couple of years later, she had blumia, lost so much weight, therapy for years and finally got better and she turned out to a successfull lawyer. She even apologized what she had done to me ten years later.

2nd uBPDxgf was a witch. lots of push-pull during years. Proposed marriage and couple of months later dumped me out of the blue when we were happily having our holiday in a foreign country.
That was a traumatizing moment. I saw her attitude her mimics her face when she was telling me the "worst" things ive ever heard from someone.  I described the event as the devil got inside her.
That was an "unreal" experience and that time i tried to explain this with PD.
After some struggling i go NC but 3 years later she came back when i was engaged. Stalking, lies, lots of crying, begging, calling my fianceei, still proposing me marriage etc... .that was a hard time for me.

3rd uBPDxgf was my fiancee, push-pull was not so evident at time. but she dumped me 3 times and come back for 2. The last time she did that and finished the engegament i went NC and 6 months later she suicided.
Led me another major depression, feeling of guilt for years.

4th uBPDxgf was kinda love of my life. Everything was fine untill one day she dumped me by email out of the blue and married another guy in a couple of months. 2 years later i contacted her somehow and immediately she responded much more positively and she had an affair with me for 6 months. Best sex, best romance of my life. I was expecting her to divorce but she dumped me again this time looking to my eyes.
I realized the oddity of her behaviours at that time. Ive witnessed such a thing before. Dr. Jeykl, "the exorcist" thing. So horrible to see such a demenaour from a lovely cute lover.
She also mentioned about her "dark side" for the first time of our relationship.

After this i began to read and everything got much clear.

I consider myself as a healthy guy. Have a good stable job, good income. Have serious hobbies. Couple of old best friends. Dont think i have a serious psych problem however  Im kinda dystimic.
The euphoric phase of BPD relationship make me fell in love quickly i guess.
They are masters of mirroring , and guess what i crave for in a r/s is to be understood and they seem to provide this much faster than anyone else...

Hopefully i did not marry a BPD.  Reading all those stories, im sure that "honeymoon" phase would never been sustained with a such individual. I feel myself kinda lucky.

Just wanted to share my story.

Any recommendations are welcome.

Thx in advance.

[Huh?]

I too, have gone through a series of relationships with disordered women.

I can honestly say, that within TWO months... .every single one of them showed me who they were... .it was ugly and confusing who they became... .yet, I stayed until the eventual discard.

My first overt NPD ex... a couple months after we started dating, over a planned dinner date out of nowhere told me I was a homosexual who only wanted to date her because I wanted my dad to know I wasn't gay before he died (He had died two weeks prior)  I couldn't believe somebody could say something like that, it was diabolical!  Of course she immediately cried and said she didn't know why she said that when I was dumbfounded. I remembee excusing myself, went to the bathroom and washed my face to calm myself down... .I was so angry.  When I returned to the table, she was a different person.   I should of ended it then... .the abuse got worse and continued for another four years until she cheated after she finished law school and no longer needed my company.  

My point is, they all show themselves right away... .even through all the mirroring, we see glimpses of unhealthy behavior that sends our intuition screaming inside us to Let go and RUN.  The key here is to identify why we allow ourselves to stay and torment ourselves beyond the first signs of madness.

Personally, Im (was) am empath, codependent and rescuer with weak boundaries.  It's never worked, and it has to stop.  They see our weak boundaries as weakness... .to exploit.  For some reason, I told my recent ex waif/hermit the above story one time in confidence... .her reaction? Not empathy... .but, "Wow. And you stayed with her? Makes me wonder what I can get away with."   We are not human to them, because they are not humans themselves.  They have one goal, and that is to take from us what they lack in themselves.

I suggest for you, the next time you see the signs... .to walk away as fast as you can and don't let it drag out.  You've been down the road to many times... .and aI know personally, it really starts to add up.

Time to rescue ourselves.

[badenergytroll]

Hello ES, welcome to the board.

I can recommend looking for red flags a top priority and looking after yourself first (learning to say "NO!".

Until we get ourselves in shape we will only find messed-up partners. What happens, when we are still messed up, but are looking for healthy, sane partners... .Not likely going to happen.

Once resilience and mental health have been found, things will get much easier. But how do we got there... .?

[JaxWest]

Wow, that is a tough series to go through. I thought 2 was bad. I cannot imagine 4.

My 1st BPD was a witch. I got yelled at for everything and was being groomed to what she wanted. I finally snapped back at her, after 2 months of getting chewed out for the dumbest stuff. (I literally got lectured because she asked me to go to Sweden, but my dad was on hospice and I said I could definitely not go. She took that as a time to tell me I need to get out of my comfort zone). The ended up being the best thing to happen to me, because she didn't have control over me. She made my life a living hell with the stalking and late night phone calls.

My 2nd BPD (never dated, just strung along) was the waif. I make a move, she push me away. Then, she seek me out, give me a sign, so I made a move again and pushed away again. Sought out my friends, mimicked me, stalked me.

I had another bad relationship that led to somebody cheating on me. She was not BPD, but it hurts. I go to counseling for these three. My counselor has told me that I need to look at myself as to why I pursue people that are incapable of having a relationship. I am able to have a steady relationship. These two were not. They are not emotionally available. Chances are, if you become a victim of a one-sided relationship, you let yourself to get into another one. That is what she is trying to get me to realize.

There is probably something about us, that leads to BPD's finding us. In my case, I am passive and get nervous to make the first move. I am too forgiving and give 2nd chances when they are not warranted.

It sounds like this is true for you as well. You are obviously forgiving and you have a conscious, as you feel guilt for something you do not need to feel guilt. These are good qualities, so it makes it easier for a BPD to exploit you.