My first time seeking help because my ex is hurting my well being

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

To this point I have tried my best to deal with my ex spouse (still married but separated for 5 years) erratic behavior. A few years back a couples therapist suggested that he may have BPD-I have read much more on it and he displays most of the symptoms exactly. I have tried to work with it, mostly to this point for the sake of our children (7 and 12 years old) but over the last year his uncontrolled rage has started to become more frequent and has started to directly impact my well being. He threatens me verbally-says I am the cause of his anger and it seems like his "release" is to be so awful to me-calling me horrible names and at times threatening that if I don't do something to help then he might harm me. He also calls me constantly to "check up on me" and accuses me of being with other people-I work 2 jobs, take care of the kids and spend too much time dealing with his stuff. Even if I wanted to-which I don't-I wouldn't have the energy. He also connects his anger toward me with sexual demands-which I am not interested in not should be anything about us anymore. He has threatened with awful explanations of what he will force me to do-and if I tell him no he elevates. Nothing seems to calm him down these days. Any advice on what to do would be so appreciated. I am worn down and not enjoying life.

[Inneedofhelp]

To this point I have tried my best to deal with my ex spouse (still married but separated for 5 years) erratic behavior. A few years back a couples therapist suggested that he may have BPD-I have read much more on it and he displays most of the symptoms exactly. I have tried to work with it, mostly to this point for the sake of our children (7 and 12 years old) but over the last year his uncontrolled rage has started to become more frequent and has started to directly impact my well being. He threatens me verbally-says I am the cause of his anger and it seems like his "release" is to be so awful to me-calling me horrible names and at times threatening that if I don't do something to help then he might harm me. He also calls me constantly to "check up on me" and accuses me of being with other people-I work 2 jobs, take care of the kids and spend too much time dealing with his stuff. Even if I wanted to-which I don't-I wouldn't have the energy. He also connects his anger toward me with sexual demands-which I am not interested in not should be anything about us anymore. He has threatened with awful explanations of what he will force me to do-and if I tell him no he elevates. Nothing seems to calm him down these days. Any advice on what to do would be so appreciated. I am worn down and not enjoying life.

[Larmoyant]

Hi Inneedofhelp and welcome to BPD Family   
 
It sounds as if your ex thinks he’s still in a marital relationship with you and is bulldozing your attempts at setting some boundaries. There are lots of materials on here that can help you with that. You have children together so it makes separating difficult, but there are many members here who are in a similar position that can advise you. As well as this board you might like to check out the coparenting board.

Your ex’s actions, name calling, threats, accusations of being with others, are very familiar around here and we understand the impact they have.

You mention having seen a therapist in the past. Have you considered seeing one now? My therapist helped me leave an abusive situation and was invaluable and I’d recommend it. Posting on here helped too. Keep reading and posting. It's hard to see when you're in the thick of it, but you will enjoy life again.

[Turkish]

Do you feel unsafe?

I agree with Larmoyant in that speaking to a professional can help give you some perspective and provide options.  You don't need to deal with this alone.  Even a call to a local domestic violence hotline might be a good start.  The call is anonymous. 

What is the custody situation,  and how often do each of you have the kids?