BPD ex's son

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Well here i am back again after the charm and falling hook, line and sinker for the recycle. Any one who wants to read my craziness with my pwBPD i've posted plenty.

I fell for the recycle in October after my BPD ex gf broke up with her ex frim 6 years ago that she left me for in December 2015. All was good until 2 days before xmas when she found out he got engaged. A week later her BPD self returned full force when i didn't give her an engagement ring!

My ex has a now 15 year old son. I adored her son and he adored me. Bonded very well together. I have been with this boy since he's 7 years old. When her borderline rages and craziness manifested 7 and a half years ago he would tell me that " mom locked her self in the basement or her room and had a terrible fight with b-- from work. I knew it was me she had been raging at as we share the same name.

Throughout the years he has seen her punch me in the face several times, full blown rages and constantly thrown out of her house. As he is now in his full blown teen years he started texting me constantly at night with whats wrong with mom? She's bugging out or screaming and carrying on. She would tell me he has been raging at her and cursing her out all the time. In January she calls me in a panic she can't wake him. Ems is called and he s taken by Ambulance to the ER. She s telling me he may have had a seizure. I get to the ER and as a paramedic/ police officer know that the paramedic on scene wouldve started an iv on an unconcious seizure patient.No iv! Spend 9 hours in the ER and despite every test they find nothing wrong with the kid! 

Fast forward a week later and the drama queen BPD is claiming chest pains. Once again 9 hours in the ER and she s got nothing wrong.No follow up s for either of them.

Now its the end of January and i feel her going cold. The kid says to me "whatcha do to mom?  I ask why he say's when you called she said what the f--- is this ass calling for? Now the day before just spent the day and a thousand dollars on an NBA game tickets and dinner out for all three of us. I call her out on it and she flips that she never said it!

3 days later were looking at a house. We get home and ahe s obviously annoyed because like most 15 year olds he heads to his room abd she wabts his company. I ask if she s always on edge and she flies off in a rage that " i'm not going on meds"! I've had it and veryquietly get up and proceed to her sons room and ask to speak to him. I close the door as i' m gonna break it to him i can't be around him anymore. I get 3 words out and she kicks the door open screaming and raging at me. I get up and only words spoken  are i' m 50 years old you are not gonna abuse me and i leave the house.

As i drive away i block her phone as i do not wanting her raging in front of the son. 20 minutes later the son's phone rings. It's her, she hijacked the son's phone. She s demanding her key back and that she doesnt tryst me to not come in at night and hurt her or her son!  I ve never touched this woman or made any threats ever. I can hear her son screaming leave him alone he didnt do anything mom!  I hang up and wont entertain the craziness. I reurn her key under the mat at 5 am the next morning. Fter several days of deep thought i send her a do not contact me any more text and have blocked her.

After all of this chaos what are the odd s the son will have issues. BPD ex is diagnosed bipolar but i believe strongly comorbid with BPD. This child has never seen his mother have one good relationship. Never married. Never engaged. Never lived with a man and the son has grown up with no father figure. One last thing that i found strangely odd. My ex is going on a week vacation in july to Cape Cod. She is sharing a 2 bed motel room with her diagnosed bipolar mother 10 year old nephew and 8 year old niece. When asked where her son was sleeping she stated " with me"!  I welcome feedback im off the crazy train for good!

[Lexisdad]

Well here i am back again after the charm and falling hook, line and sinker for the recycle. Any one who wants to read my craziness with my pwBPD i've posted plenty.

I fell for the recycle in October after my BPD ex gf broke up with her ex frim 6 years ago that she left me for in December 2015. All was good until 2 days before xmas when she found out he got engaged. A week later her BPD self returned full force when i didn't give her an engagement ring!

My ex has a now 15 year old son. I adored her son and he adored me. Bonded very well together. I have been with this boy since he's 7 years old. When her borderline rages and craziness manifested 7 and a half years ago he would tell me that " mom locked her self in the basement or her room and had a terrible fight with b-- from work. I knew it was me she had been raging at as we share the same name.

Throughout the years he has seen her punch me in the face several times, full blown rages and constantly thrown out of her house. As he is now in his full blown teen years he started texting me constantly at night with whats wrong with mom? She's bugging out or screaming and carrying on. She would tell me he has been raging at her and cursing her out all the time. In January she calls me in a panic she can't wake him. Ems is called and he s taken by Ambulance to the ER. She s telling me he may have had a seizure. I get to the ER and as a paramedic/ police officer know that the paramedic on scene wouldve started an iv on an unconcious seizure patient.No iv! Spend 9 hours in the ER and despite every test they find nothing wrong with the kid! 

Fast forward a week later and the drama queen BPD is claiming chest pains. Once again 9 hours in the ER and she s got nothing wrong.No follow up s for either of them.

Now its the end of January and i feel her going cold. The kid says to me "whatcha do to mom?  I ask why he say's when you called she said what the f--- is this ass calling for? Now the day before just spent the day and a thousand dollars on an NBA game tickets and dinner out for all three of us. I call her out on it and she flips that she never said it!

3 days later were looking at a house. We get home and ahe s obviously annoyed because like most 15 year olds he heads to his room abd she wabts his company. I ask if she s always on edge and she flies off in a rage that " i'm not going on meds"! I've had it and veryquietly get up and proceed to her sons room and ask to speak to him. I close the door as i' m gonna break it to him i can't be around him anymore. I get 3 words out and she kicks the door open screaming and raging at me. I get up and only words spoken  are i' m 50 years old you are not gonna abuse me and i leave the house.

As i drive away i block her phone as i do not wanting her raging in front of the son. 20 minutes later the son's phone rings. It's her, she hijacked the son's phone. She s demanding her key back and that she doesnt tryst me to not come in at night and hurt her or her son!  I ve never touched this woman or made any threats ever. I can hear her son screaming leave him alone he didnt do anything mom!  I hang up and wont entertain the craziness. I reurn her key under the mat at 5 am the next morning. Fter several days of deep thought i send her a do not contact me any more text and have blocked her.

After all of this chaos what are the odd s the son will have issues. BPD ex is diagnosed bipolar but i believe strongly comorbid with BPD. This child has never seen his mother have one good relationship. Never married. Never engaged. Never lived with a man and the son has grown up with no father figure. One last thing that i found strangely odd. My ex is going on a week vacation in july to Cape Cod. She is sharing a 2 bed motel room with her diagnosed bipolar mother 10 year old nephew and 8 year old niece. When asked where her son was sleeping she stated " with me"!  I welcome feedback im off the crazy train for good!

[jambley]

My ex's son displays almost identical traits her BPD.

[Lexisdad]

I definitelly saw aspects of bipolar in her son. Not surprising as ex pwBPD is diagnosed bipolar but is now " cured" and refuses to take her lamictal. Her mom and brother are also diagnosed bipolar. One of the true red flags i ignored was the scar on her wrist from what was no doubt a suicide attempt when she was younger.
I really hope the kid turns out ok but highly doubt it as he s been subjected to men in and out of his mothers life for 15 years. Not one taker to move in with her. I think since he really outed her behavior to me when i wasn't around really amped up her hate towards me.

[JQ]

Hey LD,

I was wondering how you & your daughter were doing ... .I guess that Florida didn't work out or maybe you were taking an extended detour back north?  In any case I'm sorry that you found yourself back on the crazy train & shooting down her flying monkey's.  I really thought you were on a good path when you moved to Florida ... .but I'm not judging. I can't say that I didn't do that myself once upon a time ago. 

I like you feel for the child but when his mother is a pwBPD & his bio dad is a pwBPD with a comorbidity of Bipolar the outcome doesn't look promising. Both Mental Illnesses as you know can be passed down in the womb to the child and the odds are certainly against him. Which means if you stay with his BPD mother or go back again in the near future you'll be dealing with double the flying monkey's & even a longer crazy train. I know that isn't the future that you want ... .dealing with either one is bad enough ... .dealing with both of them at the same time is like Superman trying to juggle Kryptonite ... .it doesn't work. On top of that you'll have to think about Lexi ... .there is no way that environment could be good for her and you know that so I'm not telling you anything you don't know. Maybe you just need to hear it out loud from a different source ... .

I hope that you still have the place down south & you're packing up for the trip with your daughter leaving NY in the rear view mirror brother.  Hell you know me ... .I'm retired & I'll come help you out ... .I'm actually visiting friends in Jacksonville in a couple of weeks. ;-)   

As I said brother, I'm not judging you ... .I did something very similar and moved across country for my NOW exBPDgf.  It lasted about the same amount of time before I realized that I was in the wrong place & needed to get back to part of the country that I enjoyed. That I had fun in, that I liked waking up every morning to watch the sun come up with a cup of coffee. To watch the sun set with a cold beverage and turn the sky different colors. TO enjoy the warm weather and to enjoy the day without the flying monkey's that surely would have flown everyday had I stayed. It was at the moment just as you've had that was the turning point for me and I hope it is for you.

It gets better ... .it really does ... .I've spoke many times about how it does. It's like going through boot camp or the academy. It sucks ass at first and you wonder what the hell you were doing at the moment. You get lonely, you get home sick and slowly day after day things start to get better. Finally on the graduation day you are proud of the things you've had to endure ... .you stand taller, prouder and wiser. This is no different. Then you go on to do your day to day tour ... .and before you know it the academy or boot camp are simply a phase you had to go through in order to get to a better place in life.  You're going to get there ... .if you need a help to get through a rough day ... .and trust me we all have them. Hold out a hand, send out a message you need help ... .vent ... .go to the range and release some stress ... .go for a walk on the beach ... .go get some ice cream ... .STAY BUSY AND GET THE HELL OUTSIDE ! Enjoy that cup of coffee watching the sun come up ... .

Ok ... .you get the picture ... .so are you staying or heading down south? Sand, Surf, Sun?  Sending good thoughts to Lexi too ... .

J

[Lexisdad]

Hey JD,
The florida move didn't pan out and i got a great job oppurtunity back in NY that i jumped on. Lexi has been doing well but didnt pan out for her and her mom and they are moving back in May.

Yeah i was one of the " believers" when she not i came calling for the recycle. First 2 month s were great and then it flipped again. Same crazy "sh-t and even more that i didn't write about. One in particular was i stayed at her house one night. I wasnt feeling well nd was tossing and turning. Being considerate i went and laid on the couch. Being an early riser i woke at 630 am. I gently kissed her and told her i was going to get coffee and stop at wal mart and get her car wash.

This lunatic turned into satans daughter right then and there. Flipped out because i was going for coffee and the car wash and threw me out!  Now i now im not crazy but if me going to get coffee triggers this woman this much i decided i cant live this way.

Anyhow, i have totally blocked her. Im sure she s found another victim but like i said. She wants to be married " badly"! There is a reason she is 38 years old and never been married, engaged or lived with a man. It just aint happening because she can not sustain a relationship.

[JQ]

LD,

Sorry to hear that Florida didn't work out for you & Lexi but things like that happen. I'm happy to hear that the job thing worked out for you in New York. 

I almost spit out my beverage when I read, "This lunatic turned into Satans daughter right there and then" ... .LOL. It's funny but not funny & only a NON could see that ... .because I could tell you stories about my exBPDgf lunatic being Satans daughter.   I'm sure if the NON's on this particular board could tell stories about their respective BPD I'm sure we would see that all of our stories are very similar and give each other a chuckle or two. It would be both supportive letting other NON's know that they're not alone on the crazy train & we each dealt with our respective BPD flying monkey's.

With all of that being said, it sounds as if that was your turning point, your "aha moment" and I truly hope it is for your continue mental health my friend. I felt very much the same way at that point ... ."I'm Done" moment. But you have to get to that point on your own ... .no one else can tell you when to move on, when enough is enough and even if another NON did I seriously doubt that it would be heard.

Now is the point for some self reflection, self education, self care ... .you have to take care of you ... .and Lexi but you are just as important.  You'll have a friend in me if you need it ... .I'm well on the other side of this thing now ... .I like you blocked her, deleted her, erased her from text, emails, phones. It was hard at first but the other side is so much better without the things you speak about. I've dropped 25 stress pounds and on the way to loosing more. I'm happier, laughing again & moving forward in life with a smile again.

I really don't care anymore who her next date/victim/bf of the week is ... .or next week or the week after that. If you're not there now you soon will be ... .

stay in touch ... .come back from time to time for guidance & or camaraderie.

My best to you & Lexi

J

[Turkish]

My BPD mother was raging at me when I was 14. I had a seizure and fell to the ground. Luckily it was on a dirt road with no rocks. 25 years later, she said to me "that was the only time I may have abused you." I learned to be as resilient as anyone could be.  I feel for her son... .no one should have to go through that,  but many do.  Focus on your own child. I wish I'd had a healthy parent. That is the best gift you can give to her. I so wish I could rescue everybody, but my kids are my responsibility.

[Lexisdad]

I have certainly seen her rage at him since i recycled. The language she used towards him was terrific and his language mirrored hers. Every word out of his mouth was an "f" bomb!

Several weeks before my "aha this sh-t is to crazy for me moment" she called me up crying. Apparently he told her he hates her, pushed her, cursed her out and told her she s a horrible mother and calling child protection on her. The kids phone was taken away constantly. Now looking back i dont know if its the teen years or just another car added on the crazy train.
 
Just prior to that incident he mustve really manipulated her. Got her to do his homework assignment. How ever it back fired when the teacher discovered plagiarism and failed him. She went ballistic over it. I said why are you doing his homework and her answer was he 's tired!