He sees everyone as a threat...

[Depression = 72% of members]

My boyfriend has BPD and it affects every aspect of our relationship but we had a particular bad night last night. We went from a happy evening of him talking about getting engaged and moving house to then him snooping on my phone and finding something he didn't like which spiralled him completely to the point of harming himself, arguing and nearly breaking up.
Now my issue is, what he found was just me asking to meet up with a friend I haven't seen for a long while. This friend being a male and my partner instantly saw him as a threat and started accusing me of cheating and arranging to meet other guys behind his back. Which I'm not doing. I dont hide anything from him and I certainly will never cheat on him. I love him more than he realises, which is also a difficult thing with BPD, he can't grasp how much I actually love him. He is constantly comparing himself with my exes and doesn't believe he is good enough and that I fancy them more than him. Which of course I don't. But this is becoming a regular problem and it really brings him down and I struggle getting him out of it and trying to convince him otherwise because once he's made his mind up, he will only believe what he want to.
What do I do in these situations? Does anyone else have similar issues with their BPD partner?

[Finn123]

My boyfriend has BPD and it affects every aspect of our relationship but we had a particular bad night last night. We went from a happy evening of him talking about getting engaged and moving house to then him snooping on my phone and finding something he didn't like which spiralled him completely to the point of harming himself, arguing and nearly breaking up.
Now my issue is, what he found was just me asking to meet up with a friend I haven't seen for a long while. This friend being a male and my partner instantly saw him as a threat and started accusing me of cheating and arranging to meet other guys behind his back. Which I'm not doing. I dont hide anything from him and I certainly will never cheat on him. I love him more than he realises, which is also a difficult thing with BPD, he can't grasp how much I actually love him. He is constantly comparing himself with my exes and doesn't believe he is good enough and that I fancy them more than him. Which of course I don't. But this is becoming a regular problem and it really brings him down and I struggle getting him out of it and trying to convince him otherwise because once he's made his mind up, he will only believe what he want to.
What do I do in these situations? Does anyone else have similar issues with their BPD partner?

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[Fian]

It sounds like if you want to be with him, don't plan on meeting anyone of the male species alone.  VP Mike Pence doesn't have a meal with a woman alone, so this kind of rule isn't just for those with paranoid/BPD spouses.

[Tattered Heart]

Our pwBPD will take small interactions with others as threats to the relationship. I've learned that when my H begins to make accusations, he is frequently feeling insecure about himself. Validation can go very far in these situations. "I can see how thinking I'm cheating would be very upsetting. I would also be hurt if I thought you were cheating." The more you try to excuse, cover up, or fix the accusations, the worse it will get.

I also have a no meeting privately with members of the opposite sex rule. Not that I plan to or want to cheat, but I never put myself into a situation where the temptation to cheat could happen. Personally, if my H set up meeting another woman without telling me, I'd be pretty upset too (and I am not a jealous person). I don't think it's a requirement for all couples, but it would be a smart rule.


Here is a link to one of our workshops on How to Deal with a Jealous Partner:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=78324.0

[Fian]

Formflier embarassed his wife in a counseling session to show how ludicrous her accusation was.  I couldn't describe it well enough to give it justice, but she hasn't accused him since.

[MaroonLiquid]

My uBPDexwife sees everyone as a threat and she feels it's her duty to hold them accountable.  It gets a bit ridiculous at times