My first post

[Chrisk]

My husband is partially blind. He just left his job because of his disability and is adjusting to his new life. Ive always described our relationship as firey. When it’s good it’s great, when it’s not it’s the end of the world. I’m either a saint or a devil to him. I’ve spent our whole marriage trying to adopt different strategies to help meet his needs and disability accommodations. I have ADHD (just diagnosed) and PTSD (from a former spouse) and it’s been a huge challenge for me to figure out but it’s important to me so I continue even when I fail.

When I do fail he acts like I don’t care about his needs at all. He throws a temper tantrum and goes into a huge pity party. It makes me feel like I want to give up trying because it will never be enough anyway.

He hasn’t been diagnosed with BPD but he and his mother both have some significant traits. I have also struggled with traits too and I’m trying to learn more about codependency and having good boundaries.

I just want some hope that things can get better. He’s going to therapy for depression. If I brought up BPD I know he would be angry. But I think it would help if I could learn how to respond in a helpful way to his BPD traits.

It seems like our marriage is getting worse now because he’s comparing me to his therapist. He said his therapist treats her blind dog better than I treat him. That really hurts. I feel so angry and hurt. I can’t sleep in the same bedroom because I’m afraid to breathe too loud or move too much. If I don’t sleep, then I get physically sick so I’m sleeping in a spare room.

I don’t want to live like this but I’ll probably never leave him. My last divorce was too traumatic. It’s nice to be here with others. Thanks.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

There’s a lot of good reading material on this site. This is a good article about BPD to check out: https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/what-borderline-personality-disorder

Best not to suggest that he might have BPD. Please keep reading here and posting more of your story.

How long have you been together?